Breaking up sucks

moultanomoultano Creator of ns_shiva. Join Date: 2002-12-14 Member: 10806Members, NS1 Playtester, Contributor, Constellation, NS2 Playtester, Squad Five Blue, Reinforced - Shadow, WC 2013 - Gold, NS2 Community Developer, Pistachionauts
edited March 2007 in Off-Topic
<div class="IPBDescription">What do _you_ do to get over it?</div>Not looking for advice, just ideas.

What do <i>you</i> do to get over it?

Some observations:
The internet has some really interesting effects on the dynamics of breaking up. For starters, I can't take all of her pictures down. I've got them publicly posted all over. Secondly, as ridiculous as it sounds, the moment that really marked the end of our two year relationship was when we agreed to change our status on facebook. That seems silly, and debasing, but in reality that served as an official announcement to all of our friends.
«1

Comments

  • MantridMantrid Lockpick Join Date: 2003-12-07 Member: 24109Members
    You know what they say: The best way to get over someone is to get under someone.
  • puzlpuzl The Old Firm Join Date: 2003-02-26 Member: 14029Retired Developer, NS1 Playtester, Forum Moderators, Constellation
    What Mantrid said. It won't resolve the problem, but it sure will make you feel better and if you're lucky, you'll stumble on a new romance along the way.
  • LikuLiku I, am the Somberlain. Join Date: 2003-01-10 Member: 12128Members
    From the only relationship I've been in, I did the breaking up, so it wasn't too bad. I played guitar, and games and headed to bed.
  • DepotDepot The ModFather Join Date: 2002-11-09 Member: 7956Members
    Stay busy for now - idle time is NOT your friend.

    Speaking of friends, now is the time to hang with them. All of them... lean on their shoulders.

    Booze and drugs are not the answer, and another woman is certainly not what you need immediately.

    Do some soul searching, and find out what you want in the future. Do not jump out of the frying pan and into the fire - bad advice.
  • SmoodCrooznSmoodCroozn Join Date: 2003-11-04 Member: 22310Members
    I'd ask myself what I wanted from this relationship.

    Am I trying to "own" the person as if they were my sports car, tv or comp? Or am I doing what I can to make them happy? And what do they see in me?
  • RustySpoonRustySpoon Join Date: 2003-07-10 Member: 18069Members
    <!--quoteo(post=1616971:date=Mar 26 2007, 02:53 AM:name=Mantrid)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Mantrid @ Mar 26 2007, 02:53 AM) [snapback]1616971[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->
    You know what they say: The best way to get over someone is to get under someone.
    <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    Let's not forget:
    <img src="http://beer.thetazzone.com/images/drinkBeer9.jpg" border="0" alt="IPB Image" />

    Two best cures for a breakup.
  • DrfuzzyDrfuzzy FEW... MORE.... INCHES... Join Date: 2003-09-21 Member: 21094Members
    Oh man thought you were gonna ask ways to break up i got so many good ones XD
  • puzlpuzl The Old Firm Join Date: 2003-02-26 Member: 14029Retired Developer, NS1 Playtester, Forum Moderators, Constellation
    Yeah, drink, drugs and casual sex. The cause of and solution to all of life's problems.
  • MoquiaoMoquiao Join Date: 2003-05-09 Member: 16168Members
    sorry, but the kids posting in this thread are stupid, getting laid, or drunk, neither are the answer, and will leave you feeling worse afterwards

    Depot had it spot on.. rely on your friends, and keep busy, if you are a wow gamer? roll a new alt on a new realm or sth, just keep busy watch 300 back to back! anything goes <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile-fix.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":)" border="0" alt="smile-fix.gif" />

    Sorry to hear about your break up btw <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad-fix.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":(" border="0" alt="sad-fix.gif" /> sucks ive broken up on 2 years, and 2.4 years... it seems that after 2 years, things always get tough, cos its no longer just fun.. then its getting serious. and some hold, some dont <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile-fix.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":)" border="0" alt="smile-fix.gif" />

    keep your chin up
  • puzlpuzl The Old Firm Join Date: 2003-02-26 Member: 14029Retired Developer, NS1 Playtester, Forum Moderators, Constellation
    I'm 14 years into a relationship that suffered two 'breaks' over the years. I'm in my mid thirties, and haven't been anything remotely resembling single for 8 years now and I still advise shock therapy to any breakup. Go enjoy being single, it might not last long. Do not wallow in self-pity and do not look back and pine for what was great. The truth is you will be happy again, so start enjoying yourself now. It might be six months time or six years time before you again commit to a relationship, and until then seize the day and make sure you enjoy what life throws at you. You are in your mid twenties, living in the bay area with a good income and a healthy set of interests. It isn't childish to enjoy single life, as the previous poster has hinted at. The chances are that your next long term relationship will be very long, so get out there and have fun.

    Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think.
  • Femme_FataleFemme_Fatale Join Date: 2005-06-21 Member: 54310Members, Constellation
    Like any relationship that ends, perhaps thinking about the positive things?

    ofcourse it saddens everyones heart, especially if you tend to grow apart after 2 years.
    he/she is not there anymore.
    But then again, now that you dont have that time to spend with someone else, perhaps doing something you'd wanted to do all along, but never gotten around to do ?

    like go traveling, or parachuting (just examples)

    what life taught me, coping with loss, is a change of environment is nice.
    break out of the circles that you have been in for so long.
    It will only remind you of things in the beginning.
    later on you will remember things and smile, when the pain has dulled abit.

    like someone once told me,
    if its not present inside you, you can search the world for it, outside you ,without ever finding it.

    Thus the replacing something with something simular is not a good idea.
    Same goes for drugs or alcohol, no need looking for salvation in a bottle in a substance or anything else.
    the solution is inside you.

    no matter how hard you run from the truth, it will bite you in the ######.

    i must also give you appraise for being able to break a long relationship off.
    its easy just to keep on going for a while to see if it straightens out, and again and again.

    anyway.
    bottom line after my rant is

    start something new, hobby, activity, whatever you please.
    change of environment is nice, travel for instance.

    o well, this is just how i think of it.
  • ThansalThansal The New Scum Join Date: 2002-08-22 Member: 1215Members, Constellation
    <!--quoteo(post=1617012:date=Mar 26 2007, 07:27 AM:name=Femme_Fatale)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Femme_Fatale @ Mar 26 2007, 07:27 AM) [snapback]1617012[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->
    like go traveling, or <b>parachuting</b> (just examples)
    <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    Femme, we all like you and stuff.

    but seriously, telling the boy to go jump out of a plane is NOT a good idea at this point.

    on an actual note:
    It of course depends on yourself.

    When my previous GF (of nearly 3 years) broke up with me I spent most of my time online (here and IRC tbh, kinda lame, isn't it? However we shared ALL of the same friends, and thus making it kinda hard). Talking to people that were not involved in the situation let me space my self from it for a little while, allowing me to collect my thoughts and move on.

    Once I was able to think about what went wrong with out beating my self up about it it helped a lot.

    Now (a few years latter) I just passed my 1 year anniversary with my current GF, and spent the weekend with all of my old friends from HS (as we are all now back home from college). Including my current and past GF with no feeling of regret, remorse or anything, just enjoying spending time with my friends and my gf.
  • Femme_FataleFemme_Fatale Join Date: 2005-06-21 Member: 54310Members, Constellation
    edited March 2007
    omg thansal it was just an example of something you dont do everyday but people do want to do once in their lifetime.

    im not telling him anything.

    christ thansal, youre allowed to think for yourself youknow
  • ThansalThansal The New Scum Join Date: 2002-08-22 Member: 1215Members, Constellation
    Mkay, well I fail at my king my jokes understood. (I apologize, it was probably in bad taste)

    I actually agree with Femme that going and doing new things/changing other can help a lot. One of the things I left out is that I moved shortly after it happened to me.
  • DepotDepot The ModFather Join Date: 2002-11-09 Member: 7956Members
    It's not childish to enjoy the single life, but it's not very wise to hop out of one relationship directly into another either. Being one is quite vulnerable after a breakup, no matter who cut the cord, to jump directly into another's arms is self-serving and poor therapy, and the recipient, more often than not, is simply being used.

    So keep this in mind when you're bedhopping during recovery - it's quite easy to get attached, at this point in your life, to someone for all the wrong reasons.


    It is VERY good therapy to change habits too, like watching TV from a different chair, sleeping on a different side of the bed, shopping at different stores, etc. This will help you in your grieving process immensely.
  • DiscoZombieDiscoZombie Join Date: 2003-08-05 Member: 18951Members
    I'm really bad at being single, so whenever I've had a relationship end, I made it my first priority to find someone new. This has resulted in more broken hearts, because the couple times it happened, I eventually ended up getting back together with girl #1, and hurting the person I had met in the meantime <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad-fix.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":(" border="0" alt="sad-fix.gif" />

    I guess what it boils down to is that there's no right answer, besides keeping busy and trying to keep your mind off it. It hurts less and less as time goes on provided you keep yourself from fixating on it, by keeping busy.
  • douchebagatrondouchebagatron Custom member title Join Date: 2003-12-20 Member: 24581Members, Constellation, Reinforced - Shadow
    go get a chocolate milkshake. cheers me up every time.


    you could also put in some extra hours at work. maybe do what you can to get a promotion or something so when that next gal comes along youve got more money so she wont leave you. because women are money-grubbing leaches. all of them.
  • OrganoXOrganoX Join Date: 2004-03-21 Member: 27473Members
    When i want to get over it, im not home at all.
    Im with my friends, partying, working out and be as active as i can be.
    I no not blame myself whatever happened.
    I put everything behind me and looking forward to whatever happens next.

    The best thing <b>for me</b> to get over the relationship/someone, is to be with other people.
    Then my feelings is starting to get over to the person im with.
  • DrfuzzyDrfuzzy FEW... MORE.... INCHES... Join Date: 2003-09-21 Member: 21094Members
    TBH find someone else, that gets your mind off someone else real quick. Worked for me a few times.
  • MonkfishMonkfish Sonic-boom-inducing buttcheeks of terrifying speed&#33; Join Date: 2003-06-03 Member: 16972Members
    Don't ever get a GF! that's a perfectly reasonable way to never break up..oh wait. I made myself sad <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad-fix.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":(" border="0" alt="sad-fix.gif" />
  • KungFuDiscoMonkeyKungFuDiscoMonkey Creator of ns_altair 日本福岡県 Join Date: 2003-03-15 Member: 14555Members, NS1 Playtester, Reinforced - Onos
    <!--quoteo(post=1617049:date=Mar 26 2007, 11:40 AM:name=Sonic)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Sonic @ Mar 26 2007, 11:40 AM) [snapback]1617049[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->
    Don't ever get a GF! that's a perfectly reasonable way to never break up..oh wait. I made myself sad <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad-fix.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":(" border="0" alt="sad-fix.gif" />
    <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Actually I was going to say something simliar XD
  • JimmehJimmeh Join Date: 2003-08-24 Member: 20173Members, Constellation
    <!--quoteo(post=1616997:date=Mar 26 2007, 11:28 AM:name=puzl)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(puzl @ Mar 26 2007, 11:28 AM) [snapback]1616997[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->
    Yeah, drink, drugs and casual sex. The cause of and solution to all of life's problems.
    <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    What he said.
  • SurgeSurge asda4a3sklflkgh Join Date: 2002-07-14 Member: 944Members
    Never had one myself, so I'm not sure. But apparently, just keep busy. Play games, find some work, take a nap, etc. If you need to cry, it's better to do than let it bottle up (crying is caused by a build-up of a chemical, and when it peaks it makes you feel like crying, so once you cry it'll wash the chemical out. The science of crying!). But only if you have to, really.

    Still, if you're like me, keeping busy is hard to help out with things, as my mind wanders and I think about many different things, no matter what I do, so... it's hard to keep my mind off something, especially when I have many memories tied to tons of different things, whether they be scents, sounds, or sights. That's probably normal, though.

    So really, my advice probably isn't the best to take, but I have heard others saying they basically try to keep busy, unless they really feel good about breaking up already. You'll probably feel better after a nap.
  • BlackMageBlackMage [citation needed] Join Date: 2003-06-18 Member: 17474Members, Constellation
    can't get out of something you're not in to begin with.
  • XythXyth Avatar Join Date: 2003-11-04 Member: 22312Members
    Post nude pictures of her on the internet for everyone to see! Aha! REVENGE IS SWEET
  • RoverRover blargh Join Date: 2003-09-23 Member: 21139Members
    What is this "relationship" thing you speak of?
  • DiscoZombieDiscoZombie Join Date: 2003-08-05 Member: 18951Members
    <!--quoteo(post=1617086:date=Mar 26 2007, 03:13 PM:name=Xyth)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Xyth @ Mar 26 2007, 03:13 PM) [snapback]1617086[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->
    Post nude pictures of her on the internet for everyone to see! Aha! REVENGE IS SWEET
    <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    I almost did that once =d luckily I kept my head, because I wound up getting back together with her for another ~5 years, to the present =p
  • the_x5the_x5 the Xzianthian Join Date: 2004-03-02 Member: 27041Members, Constellation
    That's funny. Same thing happened to me in January of this year. Only this was a fiance and we lived together. I kind of felt like I had no soul for a while, still kind of numb.

    So I do understand you old friend.
  • pardzhpardzh Join Date: 2002-10-25 Member: 1601Members
    I'll repeat it a fifth time: stay busy all week.

    Not giving yourself the time to think about her and want her back will do wonders on the weekdays. Once the weekend rolls around, you've got 2 nights to get smashed and pork other chicks. Sunday, get back to studying and/or working.

    If you can keep it up, you'll be over her soon enough.
  • RustySpoonRustySpoon Join Date: 2003-07-10 Member: 18069Members
    <!--quoteo(post=1617012:date=Mar 26 2007, 06:27 AM:name=Femme_Fatale)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Femme_Fatale @ Mar 26 2007, 06:27 AM) [snapback]1617012[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->
    "Hi im a gurl :3"
    <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Do that.

    Or you could just be a man and acquire some women of questionable sexual deviance. Threesomes work.
Sign In or Register to comment.