Actress Vows To Rid The World Of Aliens!

SpoogeSpooge Thunderbolt missile in your cheerios Join Date: 2002-01-25 Member: 67Members
<div class="IPBDescription">One horrible movie at a time.</div> <a href='http://www.woodradio.com/script/headline_newsmanager.php?id=386591&pagecontent=weirdnews&feed_id=64' target='_blank'>'Body Thetans' Beware: Elfman is After You</a>

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><i>United Press International</i>

A former star of Dharma and Greg says she is on a crusade to rid the planet of aliens who inhabited Earth 75 million years ago after a nuclear explosion.

Jenna Elfman, a devout follower of Scientology, also told the religious group's magazine Celebrity that Hollywood suffered from suppression, MSNBC reported Tuesday.

"I intend to make Scientology as accessible to as many people as I can. And that is my goal," Elfman said.

"To do this," she says, "it is my duty to clear the planet." By clearing she means to rid the world of body thetans -- aliens who Scientologists believe inhabit the earth from a nuclear explosion 75 million years ago.

She continued "the more successful I became, the more suppression I bumped into ... especially in the entertainment industry, which really is home to rabid suppression." <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

Will the Kharra be next?

Will Christopher Walkin go into hiding?

Will Jello be revealed as an alien plot to pacify and confuse our children?

Comments

  • SpetsnazSpetsnaz Join Date: 2003-12-26 Member: 24761Members, Constellation
    OMG MY GOD! MY ANUNS IS BLEEDING!!!!
  • CyndaneCyndane Join Date: 2003-11-15 Member: 22913Members
    LIEK OGM!!!!

    WE must kill this alien threat as soon as possible!

    SAVE THE GORGIES THOUGH!!!
  • CForresterCForrester P0rk(h0p Join Date: 2002-10-05 Member: 1439Members, Constellation
    edited February 2005
    Heh, Scientology. I was just reading about that the other day. I remember reading about it a few years ago and decided to see what's up lately. A good source for information on Scientology is <a href='http://www.xenu.net' target='_blank'>http://www.xenu.net</a>.

    [EDIT:] Heh, by the way. For your amusement, here's what you learn once you've given so much of your money to the "Church" of Scientology:

    <!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Once upon a time (75 million years ago to be more precise) there was an alien galactic ruler named Xenu. Xenu was in charge of all the planets in this part of the galaxy including our own planet Earth, except in those days it was called Teegeeack.

    Xenu the alien ruler Now Xenu had a problem. All of the 76 planets he controlled were overpopulated. Each planet had on average 178 billion people. He wanted to get rid of all the overpopulation so he had a plan.

    Xenu took over complete control with the help of renegades to defeat the good people and the Loyal Officers. Then with the help of psychiatrists he called in billions of people for income tax inspections where they were instead given injections of alcohol and glycol mixed to paralyse them. Then they were put into space planes that looked exactly like DC8s (except they had rocket motors instead of propellers).

    These DC8 space planes then flew to planet Earth where the paralysed people were stacked around the bases of volcanoes in their hundreds of billions. When they had finished stacking them around then H-bombs were lowered into the volcanoes. Xenu then detonated all the H-bombs at the same time and everyone was killed.

    The story doesn't end there though. Since everyone has a soul (called a "thetan" in this story) then you have to trick souls into not coming back again. So while the hundreds of billions of souls were being blown around by the nuclear winds he had special electronic traps that caught all the souls in electronic beams (the electronic beams were sticky like fly-paper).

    After he had captured all these souls he had them packed into boxes and taken to a few huge cinemas. There all the souls had to spend days watching special 3D motion pictures that told them what life should be like and many confusing things. In this film they were shown false pictures and told they were God, The Devil and Christ. In the story this process is called "implanting".

    When the films ended and the souls left the cinema these souls started to stick together because since they had all seen the same film they thought they were the same people. They clustered in groups of a few thousand. Now because there were only a few living bodies left they stayed as clusters and inhabited these bodies.

    As for Xenu, the Loyal Officers finally overthrew him and they locked him away in a mountain on one of the planets. He is kept in by a force-field powered by an eternal battery and Xenu is still alive today. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
  • Seph_KimaraSeph_Kimara Join Date: 2003-08-10 Member: 19359Members
  • Nil_IQNil_IQ Join Date: 2003-04-15 Member: 15520Members
    The mind boggles how people can even concieve of buying into this.... garbage. Only the most hardened paranoid conspiracy theorist could possibly PAY MONEY to join this religion. Did I say religion? Sorry, I meant "cult".

    I for one propose that we create our own religion, it seems to be the style these days. Our belief is that the Kharra are a real race of aliens, bent on the destruction of humanity. Flayra is the only man (actually a mutated Kharaa turned renegade) who can stop them, and has assumed human form in order to achieve this. He has begun distributing the half-life mod, Natural Selection, in order to warn us of our impending doom, and to train us in the use of the weaponry which will be in use by the time the Kharra's final attack is launched.

    If you wish to donate to the Forumologists, you must donate all of your worldly possessions to Flayra, which he will use to create an even better game, and spread the word further. WE BELIEVE!

    Ironically this makes slightly more sense than the Scientologist's version. Normally i'm against discrimination against anyone regardless of race or religious group, but I think i'm willing to waive that just for these guys.
  • SpacerSpacer Invented dogs Join Date: 2003-05-02 Member: 16008Members
    The easiest way to stop aliens invading the world is to go back in time and KILL GORDON FREEMAN.
  • BadKarmaBadKarma The Advanced Literature monsters burned my house and gave me a 7 Join Date: 2002-11-12 Member: 8260Members
    edited February 2005
    Ok. Ok. Right. I can't really wrap my head around that. Im a christian, and for some reason the internet seems to have a disproportionate number of atheists, so before y'all start saying "Well you believe in a magical, invisible, omnipotent being that lives in the sky", it is a bit differant. The Bible is metaphors, all of it. Yea I know some is only there because of Church politics, and the 10 commandments are pretty out there. But underneath all the dogma, it's just a way to live your life through goodwill and love. But I just can't find the metaphors in that. Far as I can tell, it's just some wild-assed story. Not to offend any Scientologists.
  • Nil_IQNil_IQ Join Date: 2003-04-15 Member: 15520Members
    <!--QuoteBegin-BadKarma+Feb 16 2005, 01:46 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (BadKarma @ Feb 16 2005, 01:46 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Ok. Ok. Right. I can't really wrap my head around that. Im a christian, and for some reason the internet seems to have a disproportionate number of atheists, so before y'all start saying "Well you believe in a magical, invisible, omnipotent being that lives in the sky", it is a bit differant. The Bible is metaphors, all of it. Yea I know some is only there because of Church politics, and the 10 commandments are pretty out there. But underneath all the dogma, it's just a way to live your life through goodwill and love. I can't find the metaphors in that story. Far as I can tell, it's just some wild-assed story. Not to offend any Scientologists. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    As I said above, offend away. These people deserve everything they get, imho.
  • kidakida Join Date: 2003-02-20 Member: 13778Members
  • AlienCowAlienCow Join Date: 2003-09-20 Member: 21040Members
    Um, why would Christopher Walken go into hiding? Surely he'd be walkin' away.
  • Mr_HeadcrabMr_Headcrab Squee&#33;~ Join Date: 2002-11-20 Member: 9392Members, Constellation
    Ack!


    /me scurries away
  • CForresterCForrester P0rk(h0p Join Date: 2002-10-05 Member: 1439Members, Constellation
    <!--QuoteBegin-Nil IQ+Feb 16 2005, 01:44 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Nil IQ @ Feb 16 2005, 01:44 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> The mind boggles how people can even concieve of buying into this.... garbage. Only the most hardened paranoid conspiracy theorist could possibly PAY MONEY to join this religion. Did I say religion? Sorry, I meant "cult". <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    They aren't actually told that story until they've reached a certain "level". <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink-fix.gif' /><!--endemo--> It starts by brainwashing you. Then, once you're brainwashed and willing to believe anything that they say, you eventually learn that story.

    You can also join the Sea Org and work under a billion-year contract, eventually. <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->

    The creator of Scientology, L. Ron Hubbard, admitted that he created it to make money, I believe.
  • CplDavisCplDavis I hunt the arctic Snonos Join Date: 2003-01-09 Member: 12097Members
    I just showed this article to my two live in oni roomates Barry and Omry. They shook their heads in dismay and Omry said something about racsim and that she would probably taste good with his dads tasty BBQ sauce recipe.

    Barry just sighed and shrugged his massive onos shoulders and went back to reading his subscription of TIME magazine.
  • AlienCowAlienCow Join Date: 2003-09-20 Member: 21040Members
  • MrRadicalEdMrRadicalEd Turrent Master Join Date: 2004-08-13 Member: 30601Members
    That and the movie Battlefield Earth was loosely based on the Scientologist's story. The very reason why John Travolta got involved.
  • JezpuhJezpuh Join Date: 2003-04-03 Member: 15157Banned
    edited February 2005
    OH ****, IM CAUGHT

    edit: ed, your sig is awesome and I would love to use it as well ;D
  • ComproxComprox *chortle* Canada Join Date: 2002-01-23 Member: 7Members, Super Administrators, Forum Admins, NS1 Playtester, NS2 Developer, Constellation, NS2 Playtester, Reinforced - Shadow, WC 2013 - Silver, Subnautica Developer, Subnautica Playtester, Pistachionauts
    <!--QuoteBegin-CForrester+Feb 16 2005, 12:20 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (CForrester @ Feb 16 2005, 12:20 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Once upon a time ...<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    It starts with "once upon a time...", that explains it all <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
  • DragonMechDragonMech Join Date: 2003-09-19 Member: 21023Members, Constellation, Reinforced - Shadow
    <!--QuoteBegin-Nil IQ+Feb 16 2005, 12:44 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Nil IQ @ Feb 16 2005, 12:44 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I for one propose that we create our own religion, it seems to be the style these days. Our belief is that the Kharra are a real race of aliens, bent on the destruction of humanity. Flayra is the only man (actually a mutated Kharaa turned renegade) who can stop them, and has assumed human form in order to achieve this. He has begun distributing the half-life mod, Natural Selection, in order to warn us of our impending doom, and to train us in the use of the weaponry which will be in use by the time the Kharra's final attack is launched.

    If you wish to donate to the Forumologists, you must donate all of your worldly possessions to Flayra, which he will use to create an even better game, and spread the word further. WE BELIEVE! <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Dibs on being an enforcer and silencing anyone who opposes the god Flayra.


    Plus this explains why the aliens are always changing so much - Flayra must rework the code so that the versions of the game match the current alien evolution! <!--emo&:0--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wow.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wow.gif' /><!--endemo-->
  • pardzhpardzh Join Date: 2002-10-25 Member: 1601Members
    I think L. Ron Hubbard did a <i>lot</i> of acid.
  • GreeGree Join Date: 2003-05-18 Member: 16454Members
    I heard Scientology (or some other new religion) was based on a bar room bet.
  • AlienCowAlienCow Join Date: 2003-09-20 Member: 21040Members
    <!--QuoteBegin-Gree+Feb 16 2005, 08:35 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Gree @ Feb 16 2005, 08:35 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I heard Scientology (or some other new religion) was based on a bar room bet. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    I wouldn't be surprised
  • EpidemicEpidemic Dark Force Gorge Join Date: 2003-06-29 Member: 17781Members
    <!--QuoteBegin-BadKarma+Feb 16 2005, 07:46 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (BadKarma @ Feb 16 2005, 07:46 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Ok. Ok. Right. I can't really wrap my head around that. Im a christian, and for some reason the internet seems to have a disproportionate number of atheists, so before y'all start saying "Well you believe in a magical, invisible, omnipotent being that lives in the sky", it is a bit differant. The Bible is metaphors, all of it. Yea I know some is only there because of Church politics, and the 10 commandments are pretty out there. But underneath all the dogma, it's just a way to live your life through goodwill and love. But I just can't find the metaphors in that. Far as I can tell, it's just some wild-assed story. Not to offend any Scientologists. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Not to drag this horrible off topic, but I dont think so, they just arent that vocal about it <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
  • Nil_IQNil_IQ Join Date: 2003-04-15 Member: 15520Members
    <!--QuoteBegin-DragonMech+Feb 16 2005, 02:49 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (DragonMech @ Feb 16 2005, 02:49 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin-Nil IQ+Feb 16 2005, 12:44 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Nil IQ @ Feb 16 2005, 12:44 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I for one propose that we create our own religion, it seems to be the style these days. Our belief is that the Kharra are a real race of aliens, bent on the destruction of humanity. Flayra is the only man (actually a mutated Kharaa turned renegade) who can stop them, and has assumed human form in order to achieve this. He has begun distributing the half-life mod, Natural Selection, in order to warn us of our impending doom, and to train us in the use of the weaponry which will be in use by the time the Kharra's final attack is launched.

    If you wish to donate to the Forumologists, you must donate all of your worldly possessions to Flayra, which he will use to create an even better game, and spread the word further. WE BELIEVE! <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Dibs on being an enforcer and silencing anyone who opposes the god Flayra.


    Plus this explains why the aliens are always changing so much - Flayra must rework the code so that the versions of the game match the current alien evolution! <!--emo&:0--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wow.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wow.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Yes! Exactly!

    Only by becoming a constellation member can you be SAVED FROM THE KHARAA!

    We'll need a few people to go round knocking on people's doors and bombard them with leaflets while they're trying to eat dinner.

    We will also need leaflets.
  • DragonMechDragonMech Join Date: 2003-09-19 Member: 21023Members, Constellation, Reinforced - Shadow
    <!--QuoteBegin-Nil IQ+Feb 16 2005, 03:39 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Nil IQ @ Feb 16 2005, 03:39 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Only by becoming a constellation member can you be SAVED FROM THE KHARAA!

    We'll need a few people to go round knocking on people's doors and bombard them with leaflets while they're trying to eat dinner.

    We will also need leaflets.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    HEAR ME MY BRETHREN!

    Soon the day shall come when the evil Kharra plague spills onto this world and all shall be tested in thine knowedge of thy foe. But fear not, for there is HOPE! There can be SALVATION! For 20$ (or applicable foreign currency) you can arm yourself with the knowledge of your enemy and stand at the forefront of the human resistance! JOIN ME ME MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS! JOIN ME IN THE CONSTELLATION!


    FOR EARTH!

    FOR HUMANITY!

    <b>FOR FLAYRA!!!1</b>
  • reasareasa Join Date: 2002-11-10 Member: 8010Members, Constellation
    edited February 2005
    Hey good, Scientology, I've been looking for something to bump Jamster off the #1 spot on my "Things that need to die" list.
  • enf0rcerenf0rcer intrigued... Join Date: 2003-03-16 Member: 14584Members
    <!--QuoteBegin-Nil IQ+Feb 16 2005, 01:44 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Nil IQ @ Feb 16 2005, 01:44 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> The mind boggles how people can even concieve of buying into this.... garbage. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    honestly I feel the same way about many of the worlds religions. How is it that we can label some people crazy for thinking aliens controlled everything and thinking that some eternal being being the creator of everything is perfectly normal?

    I think they are both just as crazy as eachother. +1 atheist.
  • Nemesis_ZeroNemesis_Zero Old European Join Date: 2002-01-25 Member: 75Members, Retired Developer, NS1 Playtester, Constellation
    ... And this is where we stop.
This discussion has been closed.