Instead Of Criticizing Only..
Zunni
The best thing to happen to I&S in a long while Join Date: 2002-11-26 Member: 10016Members
The best thing to happen to I&S in a long while Join Date: 2002-11-26 Member: 10016Members
<div class="IPBDescription">I'm going to write my own "fan-fic"</div> Probably based off veil, I'm hoping it will be an epic, eerie tale about friendship, and war in outer space.
Here's a sample of the beginning..
People often ask me why I joined the TSA, I rarely reveal that it was my father's one wish that his eldest son serve his planet. More often I say that I had a thing for space travel. I don't want people thinking I had no choice and somehow blame my father for what happened to me.
Growing up, my fathers fascination with the initial contact with the Kharaa had brought me nightmares as opposed to the dreams and fantasies it brought him. I couldn't deny the pride in my dad's eyes when I told him that I had been selected for training with the TSA. He had been confined to the hospital bed, and bringing him a moment of happiness helped to balance the pain he was experiencing.
All my friends thought I was crazy as I prepared for boot camp. All but my best friend David Curley, he had been selected as well. He shared my fathers fascination with space and aliens, it brought them closer together than I had been with either of them. But I wasn't jealous or resentful, I was happy that I connected the two of them and allowed them to be that outlet for each other. My father referred to Dave as "his second son seperated at birth" and he was welcome in my house any time it suited him. In fact, when his parents seperated, Dave actually came to stay with us. This just intensified the bond shared between Dave my dad, and I often would go to bed hearing them debating about how the mysterious "lerk" flew, or if reports of the examination of infestation found on close star colonies was faked or not.
When we said goodbye, my dad cried, I don't ever remember him crying, his stoic nature wouldn't allow it, and seeing his two "sons" leaving, on the journey of a life-time both saddened and excited him. I knew the tears weren't tears of sadness specifically, they were tears of a man who was finally fulfilled and able to face death.
As we prepared to board the shuttle for bootcamp, I looked longingly at the home I had known for these 19 years, trying to imprint the familiarity of this place into my mind, to be recalled at a time I needed it. The faint smell of Charlie's Bakery wafted past and I realized that this could be the last time I see this place. Reports were coming in that the Kharaa scum had infiltrated more of our space stations and colonies, reports from places like Eclipse, and Hera. They were spreading and though troops were being sent in, many lives were being lost for not alot of gain.
We met our commanding officer, a short fit man named Daniels, we never got his first name, just his rank. He was a Lt. a by-product of the officers training that some students applied for straight out of high school. His demenour spoke of confidence in what we would be facing, and I wondered how many lessons he had already learned.
Lt. Daniels had introduced himself to all the cadets on the docking platform. He took the time to write our names in a small notebook. I wasn't sure if he had difficulty remembering names, but I saw him scribbling additional notes after each introduction.
As we began boarding the ship, Dave turned to me and said "Hey, what do you think of Daniels so far?"
"Seems like he has a clue, which is more than I feel like we have at the moment", I replied.
We quickly found our seats and prepared for the long journey ahead. Settling in we quickly introduced ourselves to the people sitting around us. There was Thomas Richards, who joined up simply because his mother had felt some structure in his life would help him grow into a better man. Thomas spoke with an British accent which was odd being that we were in mainland USA, but I accepted that part of this experience would not only be finding myself communicating with people from all over Earth. Beside him, was a man much older than the others around us and not dressed in a cadets uniform. He introduced himself as Professor Steinbach, a quiet man who seemed to have an air of uncomfortableness around people. He explained that he was coming off leave and actually would be teaching a short course in Kaharaa biology, seems that each species of known alien had been captured and brought back for study to the TSA Academy. While the biological discoveries were really in their infancy, there was new information being found all the time, and he would be present to share that with us as we continued our studies.
The TSA Academy was a converted scientific station located on the moon. It acted as a staging area for field trips to the neighbouring stations as well as provided an excellent place to hone zero gravity skills.
After getting situated and preparing for the long flight ahead, the TSA provided a short film about the academy and what being a TSA member meant. I took this opportunity to ask Professor Steinbach a question that had been bothering me since I heard of the first encounter. Dave and Thomas were engrossed in the film, so I changed places with Thomas as to not disturb them.
"Is it true what they say about the Kharaa professor, that several of the alien lifeforms have teeth and claws?", I asked.
"Oh yes, that's most interesting" replied the professor, "The smallest land based creature resemble earth dogs in that they have 4 leg-like appendages and sharp teeth set in a jaw."
"Sounds rather primitive to me", I said "I mean, we have machine guns. I'm not understanding the difficulty we are having in the field."
"Well, they are incredibly fast, vicious, and highly adaptive, they can take on several different characteristics seemingly at will. We have not really figured out many of their abilities but we are getting closer and closer every day. Now if you'l excuse me, I must catch up on my correspondance" And with that the professor took out his tablet and began checking his information transmissions.
I tried to pay attention to the film, but it was rhetoric that would be more applicable of a recruitment drive film, boasting of the training facilities wonderful gymnasium with inground swimming pool, and recreation areas.
I'm not even sure when I dozed off, all I do remember was waking up to Dave poking me and exclaiming with much excitement that we had arrived.
I had never seen the moon before, I had certainly never taken a vacation here or any of the other commercial touristy trips which always seemed like a waste of time. I grabbed my equipment (duffle bag, cadet cap and 1 stowaway personal piece of "luggage") and headed for the exit. As soon as I exited the shuttle, I saw a person I didn't recognize holding a sign with my name on it. I walked over and introduced myself only to be whisked away to a room with only a chair and a desk inside.
"I can't be in trouble already" I thought, and no sooner had that thought crossed my mind then a man in uniform walked in.
"Son, I am Sgt. Gary Falcon, and I have some news from home", he said as he shook my hand. "You might want to sit down"
I sat, not sure of what the news could possibly be, but knowing it couldn't be good
"Son, in the TSA, we don't mess around, so I'll shoot straight with you. Your father died shortly after your takeoff"
I sat stunned for a moment. I knew my father was weak but had no idea that he wouldn't get to see me complete basic training.
Sgt. Falcon passed over a manilla envelope, "All the particulars are in there, if you want to review them later, it's TSA policy to not gather that intelligence."
I took the envelope and placed it within my equipment.
"Now you are entitled to a leave of abscence to go home and be with your family" the officer stated. "I'll book room for you on the first shuttle home"
"No." I said with growing conviction "I have no other family to go home to, and my father wanted me here and so I'm going to make sure I don't let him down"
The sargent dismissed me and I headed off to find the barracks. I waited until I was around the corner with no-one watching to wipe a solitary tear from my eye. Then I gathered myself and got ready for the adventure that I knew would lie ahead.
-End Chapter One
Any feedback (other than potential locational issues)
Here's a sample of the beginning..
People often ask me why I joined the TSA, I rarely reveal that it was my father's one wish that his eldest son serve his planet. More often I say that I had a thing for space travel. I don't want people thinking I had no choice and somehow blame my father for what happened to me.
Growing up, my fathers fascination with the initial contact with the Kharaa had brought me nightmares as opposed to the dreams and fantasies it brought him. I couldn't deny the pride in my dad's eyes when I told him that I had been selected for training with the TSA. He had been confined to the hospital bed, and bringing him a moment of happiness helped to balance the pain he was experiencing.
All my friends thought I was crazy as I prepared for boot camp. All but my best friend David Curley, he had been selected as well. He shared my fathers fascination with space and aliens, it brought them closer together than I had been with either of them. But I wasn't jealous or resentful, I was happy that I connected the two of them and allowed them to be that outlet for each other. My father referred to Dave as "his second son seperated at birth" and he was welcome in my house any time it suited him. In fact, when his parents seperated, Dave actually came to stay with us. This just intensified the bond shared between Dave my dad, and I often would go to bed hearing them debating about how the mysterious "lerk" flew, or if reports of the examination of infestation found on close star colonies was faked or not.
When we said goodbye, my dad cried, I don't ever remember him crying, his stoic nature wouldn't allow it, and seeing his two "sons" leaving, on the journey of a life-time both saddened and excited him. I knew the tears weren't tears of sadness specifically, they were tears of a man who was finally fulfilled and able to face death.
As we prepared to board the shuttle for bootcamp, I looked longingly at the home I had known for these 19 years, trying to imprint the familiarity of this place into my mind, to be recalled at a time I needed it. The faint smell of Charlie's Bakery wafted past and I realized that this could be the last time I see this place. Reports were coming in that the Kharaa scum had infiltrated more of our space stations and colonies, reports from places like Eclipse, and Hera. They were spreading and though troops were being sent in, many lives were being lost for not alot of gain.
We met our commanding officer, a short fit man named Daniels, we never got his first name, just his rank. He was a Lt. a by-product of the officers training that some students applied for straight out of high school. His demenour spoke of confidence in what we would be facing, and I wondered how many lessons he had already learned.
Lt. Daniels had introduced himself to all the cadets on the docking platform. He took the time to write our names in a small notebook. I wasn't sure if he had difficulty remembering names, but I saw him scribbling additional notes after each introduction.
As we began boarding the ship, Dave turned to me and said "Hey, what do you think of Daniels so far?"
"Seems like he has a clue, which is more than I feel like we have at the moment", I replied.
We quickly found our seats and prepared for the long journey ahead. Settling in we quickly introduced ourselves to the people sitting around us. There was Thomas Richards, who joined up simply because his mother had felt some structure in his life would help him grow into a better man. Thomas spoke with an British accent which was odd being that we were in mainland USA, but I accepted that part of this experience would not only be finding myself communicating with people from all over Earth. Beside him, was a man much older than the others around us and not dressed in a cadets uniform. He introduced himself as Professor Steinbach, a quiet man who seemed to have an air of uncomfortableness around people. He explained that he was coming off leave and actually would be teaching a short course in Kaharaa biology, seems that each species of known alien had been captured and brought back for study to the TSA Academy. While the biological discoveries were really in their infancy, there was new information being found all the time, and he would be present to share that with us as we continued our studies.
The TSA Academy was a converted scientific station located on the moon. It acted as a staging area for field trips to the neighbouring stations as well as provided an excellent place to hone zero gravity skills.
After getting situated and preparing for the long flight ahead, the TSA provided a short film about the academy and what being a TSA member meant. I took this opportunity to ask Professor Steinbach a question that had been bothering me since I heard of the first encounter. Dave and Thomas were engrossed in the film, so I changed places with Thomas as to not disturb them.
"Is it true what they say about the Kharaa professor, that several of the alien lifeforms have teeth and claws?", I asked.
"Oh yes, that's most interesting" replied the professor, "The smallest land based creature resemble earth dogs in that they have 4 leg-like appendages and sharp teeth set in a jaw."
"Sounds rather primitive to me", I said "I mean, we have machine guns. I'm not understanding the difficulty we are having in the field."
"Well, they are incredibly fast, vicious, and highly adaptive, they can take on several different characteristics seemingly at will. We have not really figured out many of their abilities but we are getting closer and closer every day. Now if you'l excuse me, I must catch up on my correspondance" And with that the professor took out his tablet and began checking his information transmissions.
I tried to pay attention to the film, but it was rhetoric that would be more applicable of a recruitment drive film, boasting of the training facilities wonderful gymnasium with inground swimming pool, and recreation areas.
I'm not even sure when I dozed off, all I do remember was waking up to Dave poking me and exclaiming with much excitement that we had arrived.
I had never seen the moon before, I had certainly never taken a vacation here or any of the other commercial touristy trips which always seemed like a waste of time. I grabbed my equipment (duffle bag, cadet cap and 1 stowaway personal piece of "luggage") and headed for the exit. As soon as I exited the shuttle, I saw a person I didn't recognize holding a sign with my name on it. I walked over and introduced myself only to be whisked away to a room with only a chair and a desk inside.
"I can't be in trouble already" I thought, and no sooner had that thought crossed my mind then a man in uniform walked in.
"Son, I am Sgt. Gary Falcon, and I have some news from home", he said as he shook my hand. "You might want to sit down"
I sat, not sure of what the news could possibly be, but knowing it couldn't be good
"Son, in the TSA, we don't mess around, so I'll shoot straight with you. Your father died shortly after your takeoff"
I sat stunned for a moment. I knew my father was weak but had no idea that he wouldn't get to see me complete basic training.
Sgt. Falcon passed over a manilla envelope, "All the particulars are in there, if you want to review them later, it's TSA policy to not gather that intelligence."
I took the envelope and placed it within my equipment.
"Now you are entitled to a leave of abscence to go home and be with your family" the officer stated. "I'll book room for you on the first shuttle home"
"No." I said with growing conviction "I have no other family to go home to, and my father wanted me here and so I'm going to make sure I don't let him down"
The sargent dismissed me and I headed off to find the barracks. I waited until I was around the corner with no-one watching to wipe a solitary tear from my eye. Then I gathered myself and got ready for the adventure that I knew would lie ahead.
-End Chapter One
Any feedback (other than potential locational issues)
Comments
[Ontopic]
Short, but I like it.
MORE!
--Scythe--
I've added some more, please give any feedback you would like.
So does the "Friendly Fade" <!--emo&::fade::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/fade.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='fade.gif' /><!--endemo-->
~edit~
Hmm... It's an easy read (good thing). I was wondering you you were thinking of me when you wrote that bit abotu the professor. Perhaps you could use some of that data I've been making. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
<span style='color:gray'><span style='font-family:Times'>General Dr. Brymer, Phd. Kharaa Biology</span></span> <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo--> Has nice ring to it. Hmm, what should I do my thesis on?... I'm split between the Hivemind and the AENC. What do you guys think?
Anyways good start. I'm interested in this academy. Reminds me of the novel series: Starfleet Academy except with the TSA of Natural-Selection instead of the UFP of Star Trek.
--Scythe--
Thanks so much, this is exactly the kind of background I needed...
Damn, that Thomas Richards guy must be a nub ¬_¬
Yes. I think we should try to keep some uniformity with our fan fiction history.
Perhaps we add this in with one big guide consisting of my project, Nightowl's project, and various selected fan fiction like this one as part of a uber manual? Would you guys like that?
Perhaps yours is a technical manual, then a world history and any fan-fic information..
Next chapter will be the first few days at the academy..
That's what I was thinking <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->OK Finished Chapter 1...<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Woot! <!--emo&::skulk::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/skulk.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='skulk.gif' /><!--endemo-->
--Scythe--
As regards the manuals and fan fics, i am building a website hosting fan fics and other related stuff. Currently i will be hosting NS Monster, Gates Moon and Stars, and my own story Brobdingnagian. I would like to host this story too zunni, if you dont mind, and your manula too x5.
I'm trying to create a site which will be the ultimate resource for peolpe looking to create fan fictions and read them of course.
If yuo are interested in letting me host them just let me know.