Girls And Their Sense Of Entitlement.

moultanomoultano Creator of ns_shiva.Members, NS1 Playtester, Contributor, Constellation, NS2 Playtester, Squad Five Blue, Reinforced - Shadow, WC 2013 - Gold, NS2 Community Developer, Pistachionauts Join Date: 2002-12-14 Member: 10806Posts: 4,219 Advanced user
Am I in the wrong here?
So today is my GF's birthday. We're across the country from eachother at the moment, cause I'm interning at Amazon.com in seattle.

For a little backstory, my GF and I went backpacking this past spring break. We both had a great time, she absolutely loved it, and is really excited to do it again. (I posted pics on the forums, some of you may remember.) Since this was her first time backpacking, she used a lot of my mom's equipment, and felt a little guilty about it, cause its a lot of stuff.

Fast forward a few months to today. I sent her a boquet of her favorite flowers, astroemeria, and this which is quite possibly the best piece of camping equipment I own. I've had mine for 5 years or so, I've used it regularly, and I've had to change the batteries like twice. They are virtually indestructible, with no bulbs to burn out.

Between the flowers, and the headlamp, this has totaled around $80.

She didn't like it, and was kinda hurt.

I'm starting to think this is kinda a fundamental difference between the two of us. I dunno, I just can't imagine ever feeling entitled to presents. Like, if somebody gets me something, and its kinda nice, I'm not going to be disappointed about it. I can't imagine having such a sense of entitlement (well I guess I can actually, I felt that way when I was eight.)

What gives?
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Comments

  • MantaManta Members Join Date: 2005-01-12 Member: 35056Posts: 255
    edited July 2005
    I think it's based on how you were raised. If she grew up in a life in which expensive or elaborate gifts were expected on most occasions or otherwise, then I can understand why she feels this way.

    EDIT: Maybe it's the nature of your gift conflicting with what she expects. You sent her flowers and a headlamp. I can see the sentimental value of the headlamp (you used it, right?), but maybe she expected something bigger for her birthday.
  • CForresterCForrester P0rk(h0p Members, Constellation Join Date: 2002-10-05 Member: 1439Posts: 3,637 Advanced user
    edited July 2005
    Welcome to the world of misandrism and female supremacy. tounge.gif

    [EDIT:] That statement was based on the title of the thread, not the post. I don't really know how to respond to the post. I would probably say "Then next year, I'll give you a gift certificate."
  • BaconTheoryBaconTheory Members Join Date: 2003-09-06 Member: 20615Posts: 1,299
    I don't feel entitled to a certain standard of gifts either. All I care about is the thought and some congrats. You made an excellent choice on the gifts. Flowers are always nice, and the headlamp was a good idea considering the experience from your hiking trip. I think that it's just a girl thing to be honest. I would wait and see how things pan out. If she really loves you, then she shouldn't give a damn about what you get her and see the fundamental reason behind it.
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  • StormLiongStormLiong Members Join Date: 2002-12-27 Member: 11569Posts: 564
    Just the way girls are. So let it past but probably talk it through her.

    As far as I've seen girls are the most troublesome to get presents for whether its a gf or fren. Get to cheap you insult them. Get too expensive they start gettin creeped out.
    $:Can't I dream alone?
    £:That would not be a dream. It would just be compensating for reality.
    $:Then... where is my dream?
    £:It is the continuation of reality.
    $:Where is... my reality?
    £:It is at the end of your dream.
  • moultanomoultano Creator of ns_shiva. Members, NS1 Playtester, Contributor, Constellation, NS2 Playtester, Squad Five Blue, Reinforced - Shadow, WC 2013 - Gold, NS2 Community Developer, Pistachionauts Join Date: 2002-12-14 Member: 10806Posts: 4,219 Advanced user
    QUOTE (BaconTheory @ Jul 29 2005, 10:30 PM)
    I don't feel entitled to a certain standard of gifts either. All I care about is the thought and some congrats. You made an excellent choice on the gifts. Flowers are always nice, and the headlamp was a good idea considering the experience from your hiking trip. I think that it's just a girl thing to be honest. I would wait and see how things pan out. If she really loves you, then she shouldn't give a damn about what you get her and see the fundamental reason behind it.

    She's not throwing tantrums or anything. Its not really a big deal. But she's certainly not happy about it, or grateful, which just rubs me the wrong way.
  • 2_of_Eight2_of_Eight Members Join Date: 2003-08-20 Member: 20016Posts: 2,511
    Well, slightly off-topic here... but I know that when I receive gifts, I don't show much thanks for them. That doesn't mean I don't like them, I'm just not good at showing gratification. Some people don't like this, but I just explain to them that despite me not showing much appreciation of the gift, I like it nonetheless. Don't know, perhaps that's how it is with her?

    And if not... sucks, but I wouldn't be blaming myself.
  • CrispyCrispy Jaded GD Members, Constellation Join Date: 2004-08-22 Member: 30793Posts: 3,225
    Tell her if she rubs you the right way she get's more presents.

    I'm kinda like her in a way, I guess. If I can't think of something with personal meaning to get someone then I won't get them a present. If they give me a present that shows they haven't thought about it and has nothing to do with who I am as a person then I'm not going to be overly-grateful.

    On the other hand she might just be spoilt like someone suggested above, in which case only the finest will do.

    Probs best to just come out with it and give your reasons for buying it and see if she reacts differently, or at least if you get closer to understanding what makes her tick on this point.
  • TestamentTestament Members Join Date: 2002-11-02 Member: 4037Posts: 2,924
    Blegh. Pretty shallow. I haven't even had a Christmas/Birthday gift for several years.
  • The_FinchThe_Finch Members Join Date: 2002-11-13 Member: 8498Posts: 661
    How long have you been dating? If you've been dating for 5 years or so, I can understand that a headlamp might be seen as insufficiently romantic or something like that, but it's not like you forgot her birthday. You dropped $80 on her and you're an intern, so it's not like you're rolling in Benjamins.

    You sent flowers and something you thought she'd like. You really can't do much more.
    QUOTE (X Stickman)
    America's Army taught me that I'm more likely to be shot in the back by my own teammates, then have my sexuality insulted as well as accusations made towards my mother's sex life. If it's a recruitment tool, it's a damn poor one.
  • moultanomoultano Creator of ns_shiva. Members, NS1 Playtester, Contributor, Constellation, NS2 Playtester, Squad Five Blue, Reinforced - Shadow, WC 2013 - Gold, NS2 Community Developer, Pistachionauts Join Date: 2002-12-14 Member: 10806Posts: 4,219 Advanced user
    edited July 2005
    We've been dating for a little over 7 months.

    Just for comparison, for christmas she got me a picture of herself, and a bottle of olive oil.

    Anyways, she called back and apologized, alls well that ends well I guess . . .
  • BulletHeadBulletHead Members Join Date: 2004-07-22 Member: 30049Posts: 2,530
    Tell her outright

    "Look, I thought you liked Hiking? Well... if not... what would you like me to get for you?"
    QUOTE (DragonMech @ Jul 9 2005, 09:19 PM)
    QUOTE (Sonic @ Jul 9 2005, 06:49 PM)
    I wish my butcheeks could propel me up flights of stairs are terrifying speeds.

    I sense a custom title right there... :D
  • CommunistWithAGunCommunistWithAGun Local Propaganda Guy Members Join Date: 2003-04-30 Member: 15953Posts: 7,651 Advanced user
    QUOTE (moultano @ Jul 29 2005, 10:23 PM)
    So today is my GF's birthday. We're across the country from eachother at the moment, cause I'm interning at Amazon.com in seattle.

    For a little backstory, my GF and I went backpacking this past spring break. We both had a great time, she absolutely loved it, and is really excited to do it again. (I posted pics on the forums, some of you may remember.) Since this was her first time backpacking, she used a lot of my mom's equipment, and felt a little guilty about it, cause its a lot of stuff.

    Fast forward a few months to today. I sent her a boquet of her favorite flowers, astroemeria, and this which is quite possibly the best piece of camping equipment I own. I've had mine for 5 years or so, I've used it regularly, and I've had to change the batteries like twice. They are virtually indestructible, with no bulbs to burn out.

    Between the flowers, and the headlamp, this has totaled around $80.

    She didn't like it, and was kinda hurt.

    I'm starting to think this is kinda a fundamental difference between the two of us. I dunno, I just can't imagine ever feeling entitled to presents. Like, if somebody gets me something, and its kinda nice, I'm not going to be disappointed about it. I can't imagine having such a sense of entitlement (well I guess I can actually, I felt that way when I was eight.)

    What gives?

    Thats what you get for caring for anyone else besides yourself, a swift blow to the groin with a cinderblock.
    user posted image

    #BATTERY
  • DrfuzzyDrfuzzy FEW... MORE.... INCHES... Members Join Date: 2003-09-21 Member: 21094Posts: 4,507
    edited July 2005
    QUOTE (CommunistWithAGun @ Jul 30 2005, 01:57 AM)
    QUOTE (moultano @ Jul 29 2005, 10:23 PM)
    So today is my GF's birthday. We're across the country from eachother at the moment, cause I'm interning at Amazon.com in seattle.

    For a little backstory, my GF and I went backpacking this past spring break. We both had a great time, she absolutely loved it, and is really excited to do it again. (I posted pics on the forums, some of you may remember.) Since this was her first time backpacking, she used a lot of my mom's equipment, and felt a little guilty about it, cause its a lot of stuff.

    Fast forward a few months to today. I sent her a boquet of her favorite flowers, astroemeria, and this which is quite possibly the best piece of camping equipment I own. I've had mine for 5 years or so, I've used it regularly, and I've had to change the batteries like twice. They are virtually indestructible, with no bulbs to burn out.

    Between the flowers, and the headlamp, this has totaled around $80.

    She didn't like it, and was kinda hurt.

    I'm starting to think this is kinda a fundamental difference between the two of us. I dunno, I just can't imagine ever feeling entitled to presents. Like, if somebody gets me something, and its kinda nice, I'm not going to be disappointed about it. I can't imagine having such a sense of entitlement (well I guess I can actually, I felt that way when I was eight.)

    What gives?

    Thats what you get for caring for anyone else besides yourself, a swift blow to the groin with a cinderblock.

    Amen! biggrin-fix.gif

    I went to buy my girlfriend a $20 necklace earlier this week just to find out shes been cheating on me. I'll save it for someone else I suppose marine.gif
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  • NeonSpyderNeonSpyder "Das est NTLDR?" Members Join Date: 2003-07-03 Member: 17913Posts: 1,603 Advanced user
    A picture of herself and a bottle of olive oil eh?



    O_O;;


    whoa man, that is a mental picture i did not want.
  • DrfuzzyDrfuzzy FEW... MORE.... INCHES... Members Join Date: 2003-09-21 Member: 21094Posts: 4,507
    QUOTE (NeonSpyder @ Jul 30 2005, 02:40 AM)
    A picture of herself and a bottle of olive oil eh?



    O_O;;


    whoa man, that is a mental picture i did not want.

    Lotion would of made a better joke biggrin-fix.gif
    image
  • ThaldarinThaldarin Alonzi! Members, Constellation Join Date: 2003-07-15 Member: 18173Posts: 6,132
    Wow those are some 'sucky' presents. I really wouldn't have given her the camping equipment unless she was a really outgoing camper like yourself. The flowers were quite nice though.

    She's probably a bit disappointed seen as she hasn't got to see you for a while and you give her something with no importance or value to her, by that I mean something that can remind her of you.

    Just for comparison at Christmas I got my GF a big teddy, card, box of chocolates and a pendant necklace. Valentines day I got her flowers, chocolates and a card. On my birthday in May she got me some band-fan t-shirts, a card, two teddies and wrote a little poem about our relationship. Neither of us have been dis-satisfied with anything we receive, we've been dating just over 10 months now.

    Presents don't make a relationship etc. but to girls "thought counts" and being softer, sweeter and gentler generally works, even if it's cheap jewellary.
  • UZiUZi Eight inches of C4 between the legs. Members Join Date: 2003-02-20 Member: 13767Posts: 1,248
    um...uh...my girlfriend is flipping rich...she's the one who gifts me....


    Basically I'm a expensive sex toy, it's great! biggrin-fix.gif
    Tough Guys Post in Pink!
  • NeonSpyderNeonSpyder "Das est NTLDR?" Members Join Date: 2003-07-03 Member: 17913Posts: 1,603 Advanced user
    edited July 2005
    QUOTE (UZi @ Jul 30 2005, 02:17 AM)
    Basically I'm an expensive sex toy, it's great! biggrin-fix.gif

    Fix'd


    *edit*

    GRAMMAR NAZI OLO
  • UZiUZi Eight inches of C4 between the legs. Members Join Date: 2003-02-20 Member: 13767Posts: 1,248
    QUOTE (NeonSpyder @ Jul 30 2005, 02:19 AM)
    QUOTE (UZi @ Jul 30 2005, 02:17 AM)
    Basically I'm an expensive sex toy, it's great! biggrin-fix.gif

    Fix'd


    *edit*

    GRAMMAR NAZI OLO

    Bleh, me no needs teh grammr!
    Tough Guys Post in Pink!
  • SoulSkorpionSoulSkorpion Members Join Date: 2002-04-12 Member: 423Posts: 4,417 Advanced user
    QUOTE (UZi @ Jul 30 2005, 03:24 PM)
    QUOTE (NeonSpyder @ Jul 30 2005, 02:19 AM)
    QUOTE (UZi @ Jul 30 2005, 02:17 AM)
    Basically I'm an expensive sex toy, it's great! biggrin-fix.gif

    Fix'd


    *edit*

    GRAMMAR NAZI OLO

    Bleh, me no needs teh grammr!

    Yes, a spell checker on a sex toy would be needlessly expensive tounge.gif
    image
  • SnidelySnidely Members Join Date: 2003-02-04 Member: 13098Posts: 3,893
    edited July 2005
    QUOTE (Thaldarin @ Jul 30 2005, 02:15 AM)
    Wow those are some 'sucky' presents. I really wouldn't have given her the camping equipment unless she was a really outgoing camper like yourself. The flowers were quite nice though.

    Well, I'd have thought that the equipment was meant to be a reminder of that good time they had on their hike, along with the fact that he actually listened to her when she said that she felt guilty over borrowing stuff. It's also probably a suggestion/promise to go hiking again. [Edit. Then again, it is just a light. Not really a fabulous present.]

    Am I in the only family that asks people what they want for christmas/birthday? It saves a lot of hassle. No "aw, you got me a book on fart gags, that's just what I wanted (ugh, god dammit)" moments, everybody's happy, no-one ends up with tat.
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  • TrevelyanTrevelyan Members Join Date: 2003-03-23 Member: 14834Posts: 2,227
    am i the only one that think gifts are pointless (barring the possibility of people unable to get something they want financially). I hate giving and recieving gifts... i wish i could cut myself out of the whole gift-giving loop. Send me a card if its funny, or something you made, otherwise don't bother... I'll get what i want myself.

    Then again these feelings could stem from my hatred of X-mas. I think next year I'm going to give my country music loving... in your face bible thumping... nascar watching... cow loving... horse riding... corn farming... bush worshipping relatives alcohol for their gifts. I'm sure its what they want... which is much more then they would ever be able to give me. I think the only thing keeping me going to these family events is the fact that my grandparents are rapidly aging... and they seem the only members of my family that deserve respect for the hard work that they've done. (and still do... one of my grandparents is still in real estate at age 83... my mind is boggling)

    I could easily just not care and not show up... but that'd be disrespectful considering what they've accomplished in their many years of life. In fact I'm going to call them tomarrow and ask how their week went... I'd make their day since none of the other people in the family seem to give a damn about those poor people.
    Don't Die!

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  • MetalcatMetalcat Members Join Date: 2004-08-11 Member: 30528Posts: 1,321
    edited July 2005
    QUOTE (Snidely @ Jul 30 2005, 03:14 AM)
    QUOTE (Thaldarin @ Jul 30 2005, 02:15 AM)
    Wow those are some 'sucky' presents. I really wouldn't have given her the camping equipment unless she was a really outgoing camper like yourself. The flowers were quite nice though.

    Well, I'd have thought that the equipment was meant to be a reminder of that good time they had on their hike, along with the fact that he actually listened to her when she said that she felt guilty over borrowing stuff. It's also probably a suggestion/promise to go hiking again. I'd have been touched, but then again, I'm not a girl. Still, I'm available, moult...

    Am I in the only family that asks people what they want for christmas/birthday? It saves a lot of hassle. No "aw, you got me a book on fart gags, that's just what I wanted (ugh, god dammit)" moments, everybody's happy, no-one ends up with tat.

    yeah we do that too, but i usually just finds the cheapest ugliest throw right out thing i can find, just because im 14, and then i get that watch, game all those things tounge.gif its great
    im from www.denmark.dk woot in ya face :P
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  • SnidelySnidely Members Join Date: 2003-02-04 Member: 13098Posts: 3,893
    edited July 2005
    QUOTE (Trevelyan)
    am i the only one that think gifts are pointless (barring the possibility of people unable to get something they want financially).

    I'll happily spend money on a present if I think the recipient will really like it, and hating being given presents is a foreign concept to me. ;P

    If you hate most of your family, it's not much of a surprise that you don't like family events...
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  • CMEastCMEast Members Join Date: 2002-05-19 Member: 632Posts: 1,655
    You aren't supposed to actually ask what a gf wants though Snidely, giving a gift is like an exam on how well you know her, asking what they want is just cheating and is an instant fail smile-fix.gif

    I don't think your presents 'suck' though moultano, you put thought in to it but the problem is, while she may have enjoyed a day out backpacking, is it something that she would ever pursue on her own? If not then you've just bought yourself a present instead of buying her one.

    The other thing is that the present is too practical, too useful. The trick to buying girls presents is to make it completely useless (well, I can think of one 'useful' present that girls tend to like... but it vibrates so isn't the kind of gift you probably want to buy). I wouldn't go down Thaldarins route. Ok, so cliche's give you an instant pass in the exam but its only just scraping in. In fact if I found out that I was going out with a girl who genuinely wanted the unoriginal 'chocolate, flower, fluff, jewellery' rubbish then I'd probably dump her. Or if you do use one of those standards then tailor it specifically like... ok, on the backpacking theme you could give her a 'St Christopher', a custom made Teddy with a backpack or a flowers that match the ones you picked for her that day (presuming you did). And that's just backpacking, in 7 months I'm sure there are plenty of other sources for inspiration.
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  • SnidelySnidely Members Join Date: 2003-02-04 Member: 13098Posts: 3,893
    QUOTE (CMEast @ Jul 30 2005, 05:38 AM)
    You aren't supposed to actually ask what a gf wants though Snidely, giving a gift is like an exam on how well you know her, asking what they want is just cheating and is an instant fail smile-fix.gif

    Ugh. Another argument for staying single, then. -_-
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  • CMEastCMEast Members Join Date: 2002-05-19 Member: 632Posts: 1,655
    Nah, you might fail the test but you'll probably get a good few shags in before hand tounge.gif
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  • illuminexilluminex Members, Constellation Join Date: 2004-03-13 Member: 27317Posts: 784
    We guys always suck at giving women presents. For future reference, go shopping at the mall with her a few times. Learn her taste in clothes, what she has for clothes, what she likes for jewelry, etc. Make a list when you get home, and just adding to it and changing it as it approaches her birthday.

    When her birthday comes around, get something for her from that list. That shows her that you were paying attention to her all of those times, and the she really matters to you.

    I wish I was in a position to practice what I preach...my girl and I just split 9 days ago.
  • SnidelySnidely Members Join Date: 2003-02-04 Member: 13098Posts: 3,893
    Sorry to hear that, illuminex.
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  • CMEastCMEast Members Join Date: 2002-05-19 Member: 632Posts: 1,655
    QUOTE (illuminex @ Jul 30 2005, 12:24 PM)
    I wish I was in a position to practice what I preach...my girl and I just split 9 days ago.

    sad-fix.gif

    At least you'll have more money now.
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