Polyamorous Relationships

UZiUZi Eight inches of C4 between the legs.Members Join Date: 2003-02-20 Member: 13767Posts: 1,248
Can you love more then one?
Currently I am seeing a woman who is already married to her husband. Her husband likes me. They even want me to move in with them in Idaho.

The question I put up to discussion is can 1 person love more then one person at a time? Why is it that it's generally seen as a taboo in our society?
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Comments

  • CForresterCForrester P0rk(h0p Members, Constellation Join Date: 2002-10-05 Member: 1439Posts: 3,637 Advanced user
    Yes. I've felt it before, myself.
  • torquetorque Members, NS1 Playtester, Constellation Join Date: 2003-08-20 Member: 20035Posts: 862 Advanced user
    If one can love more than one person as a friend, I don't see why you can't love more than one person as a lover, too. I for one am only in 'open' relationships right now, which I consider a version of polyamory.

    I think the only concern would be that one (or more) people in the relationship start to feel jealousy or a threat to their position in the relationship, which seems to be what usually happens. I really don't know if moving in with them would be such a good idea.

    I don't know about the taboo - maybe it was to keep bloodlines organized, or maintain property rights, or whatever.

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  • AllUrHiveRblong2usAllUrHiveRblong2us By Your Powers Combined... Members Join Date: 2002-12-20 Member: 11244Posts: 4,646
    I myself have been in a few such relationships and I've found that they can work, although only half as much as regular relationships since there are twice as many partners to dump you.

    I've also found it is a source of less strife and jealousy if the two partners are of different genders, but that doesn't work for everyone.
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  • CxwfCxwf Members, Constellation Join Date: 2003-02-05 Member: 13168Posts: 1,618
    Question--is the husband aware you are "seeing" his wife, and not just a friend?

    I can't comment on whether the woman can truly love two people at the same time or not. Maybe she can. But I have serious doubts about whether the husband will be happy "sharing" his wife long-term. As AllUrHive mentioned, there are now twice as many people to get mad at you. It just doesn't seem like a real wise plan to move in with them.
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  • moultanomoultano Creator of ns_shiva. Members, NS1 Playtester, Contributor, Constellation, NS2 Playtester, Squad Five Blue, Reinforced - Shadow, WC 2013 - Gold, NS2 Community Developer, Pistachionauts Join Date: 2002-12-14 Member: 10806Posts: 4,219 Advanced user
    I'm only familiar with one such relationship. It blew up in about a week.
  • LordyLordy Banned Join Date: 2003-10-12 Member: 21627Posts: 237
    edited July 2005
    Im not g.ay but my boyfriend is
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  • BeastBeast Armonkyi Members, Constellation Join Date: 2003-04-21 Member: 15731Posts: 2,201
    Can a person love more than one person at a time: Yes. Love is infinite, correct? Infinity / 2 = infinity.
    Why is it a taboo? Because today's close-minded society is obsessed about "the norm", and anything different is "wrong".

    That said, polyamorous relationships are rare, and even rarer are stable ones. Stable ones DO exist though
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  • CMEastCMEast Members Join Date: 2002-05-19 Member: 632Posts: 1,655
    As long as all three of you are completely open and honest about your relationships with each other then yes, I don't see why not. Have fun and good luck smile-fix.gif
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  • lolfighterlolfighter Snark, Dire Members Join Date: 2003-04-20 Member: 15693Posts: 9,005 Advanced user
    Well, to answer the topic: Maybe some can. But I sure as hell know that I can't. I'd be way too jealous for that to ever work. I guess that goes for most of us.
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  • Status_QuoStatus_Quo Members Join Date: 2004-01-30 Member: 25749Posts: 528
    edited July 2005
    Sure, why not? I'm not about to tell you what's possible and impossible for you to feel. My general philosophy in life is that if everyone involved are in on it and have no problem with it, they can do whatever they please.
    - Perfection is impossible because it does not exist, but that does not mean we should not strive for it.
  • MalkavianGirlMalkavianGirl Members Join Date: 2005-06-16 Member: 53967Posts: 69
    I think that it may be able to happen, but I also agree that everyone in that relationship needs to be on the same page as to what's going on.

    I think that you can love more than one person at a time. I can say that I've been in that situation, but nothing was ever persued. It tends to be a little more complicated, but it can work.

    Good luck! smile-fix.gif
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  • UZiUZi Eight inches of C4 between the legs. Members Join Date: 2003-02-20 Member: 13767Posts: 1,248
    QUOTE (MalkavianGirl @ Jul 13 2005, 03:47 PM)
    I think that it may be able to happen, but I also agree that everyone in that relationship needs to be on the same page as to what's going on.

    I think that you can love more than one person at a time. I can say that I've been in that situation, but nothing was ever persued. It tends to be a little more complicated, but it can work.

    Good luck! smile-fix.gif

    hahaha ok. tounge.gif
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  • torquetorque Members, NS1 Playtester, Constellation Join Date: 2003-08-20 Member: 20035Posts: 862 Advanced user
    QUOTE (Beast @ Jul 13 2005, 10:27 AM)
    Why is it a taboo? Because today's close-minded society is obsessed about "the norm", and anything different is "wrong".

    I think the question is more "how did this taboo arise?" as opposed to "what defines it as a taboo."

    I would assume the taboo rose to enforce some rule, like the old taboos in which you could not interact with a village chief in certain ways, or the taboos against incest - but not all of them made a whole lot of sense.

    I was going to say, maybe it came from older taboo, but then again there were a lot of cultures in which men had multiple wives (just not the other way around). But concubines and secondary wives and so forth aside, wasn't it generally the norm (once "civilized" society arose) for there to be an established one male, one female couple?

    (hopefully this doesn't count as derailing >.>)

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  • DepotDepot The ModFather Members Join Date: 2002-11-09 Member: 7956Posts: 6,411 Fully active user
    Well Uzi, why have you not claimed that pink motorcycle yet? It's all you man. tounge.gif
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  • FilthyLarryFilthyLarry Members Join Date: 2003-08-31 Member: 20423Posts: 337
    QUOTE (UZi @ Jul 13 2005, 12:59 AM)
    Currently I am seeing a woman who is already married to her husband. Her husband likes me. They even want me to move in with them in Idaho.

    The question I put up to discussion is can 1 person love more then one person at a time? Why is it that it's generally seen as a taboo in our society?

    One person can certainly love multiple people at the same time. After all, the mechanisms by which one falls in love in the first place do not suddenly cease to exist when one enters a relationship with a partner, not so ?

    The real question I think is how _practical_ it is to pursue a relationship with more than one person at the same time. My personal opinion is that it can work, but very rarely.

    As for the taboo factor: In our particular society I believe it is seen as an issue of "value". The idea being that you don't value someone if you don't commit to them exclusively.




  • DepotDepot The ModFather Members Join Date: 2002-11-09 Member: 7956Posts: 6,411 Fully active user
    QUOTE (UZi @ Jul 13 2005, 01:59 AM)
    The question I put up to discussion is can 1 person love more then one person at a time? Why is it that it's generally seen as a taboo in our society?

    Yes it's entirely possible, and it's frowned upon by society because of moral issues.

    Wouldn't move in with them though ...
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  • illuminexilluminex Members, Constellation Join Date: 2004-03-13 Member: 27317Posts: 784
    Are we talking lust or love here? I don't believe that you can really love more than one person in a romanitic and intimate way. Feeling strong feelings along with sexual feelings does not amount to love in most cases. Uzi, if I were you I'd back off from her emotionally. At some point, that house of cards will come crashing down, and you will be at the bottom of the heap.
  • CrotalusCrotalus Members Join Date: 2003-12-02 Member: 23871Posts: 383
    edited July 2005
    I feel trust is the the most important if you, uh, wanna do that thing. As long as you each keep no secrets from each other, and share feelings openly, you should each be able to prevent jealousy from happening and share any bad feelings generated through each person. The taboo? I don't know, I think it has something to do with atomic family stuff or something...
  • CForresterCForrester P0rk(h0p Members, Constellation Join Date: 2002-10-05 Member: 1439Posts: 3,637 Advanced user
    Just to add in a bit of pseudo-science here:

    Feelings of love are a chemical reaction in the brain, right? Theoretically, if you feel the same sense of security and trust with two different people, that same chemical reaction could fire twice and make you feel in love with both of them.

    In fact, if you ask me, it seems a little more logical to have multiple partners than just one. That way, if one dies, you still have security with other people. Sounds a little crude, but it's a good way to ensure survival in the wild.
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