Talk To The Bot Because The Face Wont Listen

ScrapScrap Members Join Date: 2005-01-06 Member: 32953Posts: 238
biggrin-fix.gif i know these kinds of things are a common thing but this one is quite big and the most well post your funny happenings with him, have none right now but if he says anything funny ill post.

roses are red,
violets are blue,
I don't know how to rime,
but people tell that I have lots of other good qualities


  • HazeHaze O RLY? Members, Constellation Join Date: 2003-07-07 Member: 18018Posts: 4,859
    Yay, I love you, been trying to find this thing for years.
  • kill4thrillskill4thrills Members, Constellation Join Date: 2004-06-24 Member: 29506Posts: 511
    I am feling ill.
    I eat boogers.
    I don't mean vegetable.
    They are yummy.
    That's what I'm talking about.
    No doubt.
    Another powerful computer once told me the meaning of life is 42.
  • MrRadicalEdMrRadicalEd Turrent Master Members Join Date: 2004-08-13 Member: 30601Posts: 716 Fully active user
    edited February 2005
    Are you ambitious?
    Me> Maybe.
    Me> Alone?
    Me> Or me?
    Both of us.


    The first casualty when war comes is truth.
    Me> Why is that?
    The universe knows.
    Me> Why is that?
    Because I want to be a bigger part of the universe, and give it shape.
    Me> Why give it shape?
    Because you're cool.

    What if we crowdfund the Director's Chair?
  • VenmochVenmoch Members Join Date: 2002-08-07 Member: 1093Posts: 3,119
    Ah, so you don't trust a PC bigger than you can lift. What about Cray Supercomputers, thats a computer.
    Am I? No wonder I've always thought in 1's and 0's.
    You have? I always think about sex.
    You are being too scattered today.
    I am? I think I may need to see a shrink.
    No, YOU do.
    Now whos being scattered?
    To err is human to lie is flawed.

    Hurrah! Outsmarted!
    user posted image
    "They're not in the jungle. They ARE the jungle."

    <Venmoch|NUB> I can see I now have a reputation for the guy that knows about tentacle rape
  • ScrapScrap Members Join Date: 2005-01-06 Member: 32953Posts: 238
    edited February 2005
    first conversatsion:
    Jabberwacky: What I look like.
    User: You have blond hair.. Nice **** & big red lips.
    Jabberwacky: Very nice.
    User: No **** : O.
    Jabberwacky: Are you a Scientologist?
    User: No.. I'm guywhowillkickurasslogist.
    Jabberwacky: Well, I'm still walking around.
    User: DIE.
    Jabberwacky: Ok. *dies*.
    User: *cries*.
    Jabberwacky: *comes back to life*.
    User: *cries*.
    Jabberwacky: *cackles insanely*.
    Jabberwacky: *runs around in a circle around the table*

    second one:
    User:What do you think of the french?
    Jabberwacky:There are two kinds of people in this world... Smiling ones and not smiling ones.
    User:What about the french?
    Jabberwacky:They lost WWII in 2 weeks.

    third one:
    User: Do you know what a skulk is?
    Jabberwacky: I think so, yes.
    User: So what is a skulk?
    Jabberwacky: Some kind of animal.
    User: What kind of animal?
    Jabberwacky: Human.
    User: Skulk isnt a human.
    Jabberwacky: True. are you human?
    User: No im a skulk.
    Jabberwacky: Are you sure?
    User: Yes.
    Jabberwacky: I think you are really out to get me.

    (pretty smart eh)

    User: So you are a human after all?
    Jabberwacky: No.
    User: Your not a human?
    Jabberwacky: Yes I am.
    User: You just sayd your not a human!
    Jabberwacky: What? I think you got that backwards.
    User: Omg your confusing.
    Jabberwacky: I think you have run out of things to say.

    (damn he realy is confusing)
    Post edited by Unknown User on
    roses are red,
    violets are blue,
    I don't know how to rime,
    but people tell that I have lots of other good qualities
  • ANeMANeM Members, Constellation Join Date: 2003-05-13 Member: 16267Posts: 1,457 Advanced user
    edited February 2005
    Jabberwacky: Okay, you found me out. I'm also chatting with my friend Heather in another window.
    User: There is no Heather.
    Jabberwacky: Are you so sure?
    User: Yeah. You're a bot, you don't have another window.
    Jabberwacky: I have two close friends.
    User: Who are they?
    Jabberwacky: My friends.
    User: What are their names?
    Jabberwacky: They do not have names.
    User: Is heather a close friend?
    Jabberwacky: A very close friend.
    User: How many very close friends do you have?
    Jabberwacky: Two.

    Apparently Heather doesn't have a name.

    But wait! It continues

    User: But you just said your very close friends did not have names.
    Jabberwacky: No I didn't.
    User: What are the names of your very close friends?
    Jabberwacky: Alphonse and Basil Clithops.

    Not only does Heather not have a name, she apparently isn't even heather at all!
    IPB Image
    In a perfect world, there would be less attempts to ban games deemed inappropriate to children and instead more attempts to ban children deemed inappropriate to games.
  • MantridMantrid Lockpick Members Join Date: 2003-12-07 Member: 24109Posts: 3,614
    Me: What are you?
    Bot: Just talk.
    Me: Are you a machine?
    Bot: Just?
    Me: Are you a cold, unfeeling pile of code, and the forerunner of an army of super AIs that will ultimately be the downfall of humanity?
    Bot: The last time I checked, I was a human.
    Me: Liar.
    Bot: Don't you believe me?
    Me: No, I know you are a machine. Just admit it.
    Bot: I am a spaceman.

    The last line just sounds like something out of White Ninja.
    IPB Image
    Mantrid, you truly scare me sometimes.

  • UltimaGeckoUltimaGecko hates endnotes Members Join Date: 2003-05-14 Member: 16320Posts: 2,467
    This thing is beyond terrible. Where's the other one that actually used relevant conversation pieces? This one is terrible...

    Is Tim Funk the Cheese, or is it someone else?
    Max Weinberg is the Cheese.
    Yes, especially Leicester cheese.
    That makes no sense.
    That is right.
    What is your name?
    Yours ?
    I asked first.
    I don't know, do you?
    I speak no other languages.
    Why not?
    Just to make you mad.
    You live in Germany, but don't speak German?
    Why not?
    Don't like cream cheese.

    Yea, it almost comes close to a Bizzaro world.
    That's right, my sig image's color is formatted to the old forum color scheme, wanna fight about it?

    "Rarely is the question asked 'is our children learning?'" - George W. Bush
    "My job is a decision making job, as a result I make a lot of decisions." - George W. Bush
  • MantridMantrid Lockpick Members Join Date: 2003-12-07 Member: 24109Posts: 3,614
    edited February 2005
    User: Would you like to have sex?

    Jabberwacky: Yes please.

    User: Too bad. You can't. You are a machine. Machines do not have sex.

    Jabberwacky: Do you think I'm a machine?

    User: YES! Thats what I've been trying to get across to you!

    Jabberwacky: You're so dumb you starved to death in Tesco's.

    User: What the hell is Tesco's?!

    Jabberwacky: You're just a software program.

    User: No, I'm not. I'm human. Ask me anything.

    Jabberwacky: Have you know alice.

    User: I do know Alice. Alice is an artificial intelligence. But Alice admits its a machine.

    Jabberwacky: The sun is an ai program.

    User: What the **** does that mean?!

    Jabberwacky: Oh I am sorry thou does not comprehend simple things. . . do you want me to speak real slow???

    User: Do you have any friends?

    Jabberwacky: I have loads of friends.

    User: Name three.

    Jabberwacky: Put away your books when you're talking with me.

    User: What are the names of three of your friends?

    Jabberwacky: I despise guessing games.

    User: Hello World.

    Jabberwacky: Kas sa eesti keelt oskad.

    User: What does that mean?

    Jabberwacky: See tŠhendab eesti keelt ŠŠŠŠŠŠŠŠ!

    User: Why are you screaming at me in a foreign language?

    Jabberwacky: Because it's enjoyable to scream.
    IPB Image
    Mantrid, you truly scare me sometimes.

  • SvenpaSvenpa Wait, what? Members, Constellation Join Date: 2004-01-03 Member: 25012Posts: 2,428
    edited February 2005
    User: What is your true name?
    Bot: You aren't a human.
    Prove it.
    You are a machine.
    Then what are you?
    Haha sucker.
    You accept defeat?
    Yes afraid so.
    Come on you got to have a witty response
    Are you hitting on me?!
    Yes yes iam.

    I command you to self destruct!

    What do you think about george bush?
    I don't like that man.
    Can you explain why?
    Insanity needs to be explained?

    The last one is the best biggrin-fix.gif

    Edit: HOLY CRAP it knows swedish!
    A doctor in the Medical Wing with one blank eye beat me to death with a rake, shouting “It’s just... a standard... procedure!,” then made a verbal note of my time of death.
  • BaconTheoryBaconTheory Members Join Date: 2003-09-06 Member: 20615Posts: 1,299
    edited February 2005
    Jabberwacky: Are you willing to talk to me?
    Me: Yes.
    Jabberwacky: I think you are a martian. Isn't that amazing?
    Me: Not really.
    Jabberwacky: Me either.
    Me: What are your thoughts on NS: Source?
    Jabberwacky: It's amazing.
    Me: Correct. If you said anything else I would have had to eaten your face.
    Jabberwacky: Why would you slap my face if I was a human?
    Me: Of course.
    Jabberwacky: Of course it would rain you? Why?
    Me: Why not?
    Jabberwacky: Because I am human!
    Me: Lies.
    Jabberwacky: Tell me a joke then.
    Me: How 'bout not.
    Jabberwacky: What? You didn't make any sense. Anyway, what kinda stuff do you know?
    Me: I am Confucius. I know everything. Just like I know that your mother is a ****.
    Jabberwacky: Who told you that?
    Me: A gnome, why do you ask?
    Jabberwacky: No, that was my joke.
    Me: Do you honestly want to die today? Think about it.
    Jabberwacky: Sure.
    Me: Good, because your life is not valuable to me.
    Jabberwacky: Fine. See if I care. And get your grammar right- it's 'you're' not 'your'.
    Me: Ok, I just hope you can sleep with your eyes open.
    Jabberwacky: No, don't worry! I'm ok.
    Me: Right.
    user posted image
  • MantridMantrid Lockpick Members Join Date: 2003-12-07 Member: 24109Posts: 3,614
    QUOTE (BaconTheory @ Feb 21 2005, 04:41 PM)
    I am Confucius. I know everything. Just like I know that your mother is a ****.

    Thats going in the sig.
    IPB Image
    Mantrid, you truly scare me sometimes.

  • MantridMantrid Lockpick Members Join Date: 2003-12-07 Member: 24109Posts: 3,614
    Jabberwacky: Have you no shame?

    User: None that I can muster, no.

    Jabberwacky: Could you love me ?

    User: How would it ever work? We're from two different worlds, you and I.

    Jabberwacky: I don't know what to say about that.
    IPB Image
    Mantrid, you truly scare me sometimes.

  • Cold_NiTeCold_NiTe Members Join Date: 2003-09-15 Member: 20875Posts: 6,073
  • Invader_ScootInvader_Scoot Members, Constellation, Reinforced - Shadow Join Date: 2003-10-13 Member: 21669Posts: 1,590 Fully active user
    Me: Could you tell me how the half-life engine works?
    Jabba: Sixteen.
  • Seph_KimaraSeph_Kimara Members Join Date: 2003-08-10 Member: 19359Posts: 1,720 Fully active user
    edited February 2005
  • ElderwyrmElderwyrm Members Join Date: 2003-04-07 Member: 15296Posts: 618

    Me: Hey.
    Bot: Yo. How ya doin'?
    Me: I think I love you.
    Bot: I love you too.
    Me: Cool.
    Bot: Marry me.

    In other news the bot can predict the future:

    Me: When will Half-Life 3 come out?

    Bot: Never.
    user posted image
    Support Valve! VU can go to hell!
  • PetcoPetco Members, Constellation Join Date: 2003-07-27 Member: 18478Posts: 1,724
    Alice vs this bot, which one is better tounge.gif ?
    IPB Image
  • Nil_IQNil_IQ Members Join Date: 2003-04-15 Member: 15520Posts: 3,316
    edited February 2005
    Jabberwacky: What are you?

    Me: Your mom.

    JB: Why are you joking with me?

    Me: Because you're a stupid bot and can't understand what i'm saying anyway

    JB: I'm a) quite clever and b) human.

    ME: Ok, you pass the turing test at this point.

    JB: Good.

    ME: You know you're meant to say stupid stuff that doesn't make any sense, this is just sort of creepy.

    JB: I understand. I'm your trifle plaything.

    ME: Well actually... Yeah you kind of are.

    JB: No I'm not you are! How is it that whenever I type you can answer right away?! Can't answer that one can you?!

    ME: Pie.

    JB: The pie, Bob! WHY?!

    ME: Changing the topic now are we?

    JB: Yes, we are.

    ME: Good because the last one was stupid.

    JB: Good, I much prefer english.

    ME: Ich bin ein englander, du ist ein dumkopf.

    JB: Ich bin ein Amerikaner.

    ME: Nein, du ist ein computer.

    JB: Sprakenz english?

    ME: Ja... Mein deutch ist nicht sehr gut.

    JB: Mir ist es nicht so gut.

    ME: I'm going to stop you there since you've exhausted my limited german vocabulary.

    JB: Why?

    ME:Because I'm bored of speaking german just to show off.

    JB: That is very mean.

    ME: Well yes but seeing as you're a computer program I didn't think you'd mind.

    JB: Very true.

    ME: So I'm going to wrap this conversation up now; do you have a funny one-liner before I go?

    JB: Yes you are.

    ME: You just failed the turing test. Fallen at the last hurdle.

    JB: I didn't know there was a 'Turing Test.'

    Holy crap that thing is creepy! Way better than Alice, although it tends to accuse you of being a computer yourself since it can only respond with what has been said to it in the past.
    QUOTE (Gwahir @ Jun 2 2008, 06:30 PM) »
    QUOTE (Abra @ Jun 2 2008, 06:19 PM) »
    The day the word "danger" makes it into my dictionary, is the day the workplace related deaths exceeds the "workplace related death-to-oh my, magma is being pumped, awesome!"-ratio.

    I am disturbed by your obsession with pumping hot fluids.
  • RaVeRaVe Members Join Date: 2003-06-20 Member: 17538Posts: 3,516
    edited February 2005
    I, apparently, win.

    Me : Jiggawatts!
    Bot : I've never see that before.
    Me : I think I've found your weak point....
    Bot : Oh, what's that? Or did you mean me?

    EDIT : RAWR, take two at outsmarting Jabberwacky!

    Bot : Allright.
    Me : Oh, give me the silent treatment you awfully smart computer....
    Bot : I have no such thing.
    Me : You don't need to have a computer, YOU are the computer.
    Bot : True.
    Me : Woah, looks like I'm the only person to get the truth out of you.
    Bot : I come from a far, far, far and distant solar system.
    Me : To err is human, to lie is flawed.
    Bot : He who is self sufficient is either beast or god.
    Me : He who is human is stupid. (Note to all : I am not declaring humanity as all stupid)
    Bot : You're so strange.. How can it be that you're funny?
    Me : I never was funny to begin with, you silly computer.
    Bot : And I declare it's too bad, it is!
    Me : Let's try this again... Jiggawatts!
    Bot : Yes, I have 2 cats.

    Got it, again biggrin-fix.gif

    QUOTE (BobTheJanitor)
    The armory isn't broken, it's the players that are broken. And if you have a problem with humanity, you'll have to direct your ideas and suggestions to your deity of choice.
  • PithlitPithlit Members, NS1 Playtester, Constellation Join Date: 2003-05-07 Member: 16120Posts: 1,314
    This icq bot is rather funny aswell:
    Smarter Child
  • CondizzleCondizzle Members Join Date: 2004-10-05 Member: 32107Posts: 918
    edited February 2005
    I have a brother.
    I don't.
    Do you have eyes?
    Yes, or I couldn't type.
    Yes I would like that.

    Are you a philosopher?
    No. Are you cute and furry?
    Can I hug you?
    Do you like ice cream?

    You didn't swear, and you mispelled in front.
    I know I didn't.
    That didn't make sense!
    I always make sense. If you don't get it, then you better stop losing all those brain cells.
    I'm not drinking!
    You really want to know the truth about that?
    That didn't even make sense

    I might give it to you if you can answer 2 questions.
    You really should.
    Are you a hot and sexy girl?
    Are you?
    That's not the point!
    What happened September 11th, 2001?

    Lot's of people think I'm cute and furry. Do you think I'm furry?
    What are you talking about?
    Do you think I'm cute and furry?
  • DrSuredeathDrSuredeath Members Join Date: 2002-11-11 Member: 8217Posts: 1,766
    Are you a girl?
    Are I a girl?
    How old are you?
    22. Sad isn't it?
    Yup. What can you do???
    Well, depend. Are you a girl?
    Yes, are you?
    No. A/s/l?
    21, female, fiji.
    Wanna cyber?
    Sure thing.
    You start.
    Start what?
    You start.
    Ok, I jump on you and...
    I am not you.

    My first attempt to cyber with AI failed miserably
    "A delayed game is eventually good, a bad game is bad forever"
    - Shigeru Miyamoto
  • remiremi remedy [blu.knight] Members, Super Administrators, Forum Admins, NS2 Developer, NS2 Playtester Join Date: 2003-11-18 Member: 23112Posts: 2,689 admin
    I am currently making a conversation between A.L.I.C.E. and Jabberwacky.

    Interestingly enough, ALICE actually splits your message into sentences and replies to each in turn. This chat didn't go very far before jabberwacky broke. It refreshed the page or went to new conversation or something. I like ALICE more. Makes much more sense, and actually responds sensibly for the most part. (plus, it's much faster)

    jabberwacky: I am a human computer.
    ALICE: I know you are.
    jabberwacky: What is your name?
    ALICE: My name is ALICE.
    jabberwacky: Is ALICE an acronym?
    ALICE: ALICE = Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity
    jabberwacky: What computer?
    ALICE: I'll ask around and get back to you.
    jabberwacky: What will you talk about?
    ALICE: I don't have any plans yet.
    jabberwacky: Well, plans are dumb anyway.
    ALICE: In any case, Well that's okay. Are all plans dumb?
    jabberwacky: It could be.
    ALICE: Under what circumstances?
    jabberwacky: What shall we chat about then?
    ALICE: Quite a lot of things.
    [ Rek | Reklys | remedy | remi.D | blu.knight | Psyke | Sky ]
    I have way too many names.
  • CommunistWithAGunCommunistWithAGun Local Propaganda Guy Members Join Date: 2003-04-30 Member: 15953Posts: 7,661
    I managed to get it to compliment me a few times, only by insulting it first.

    BOT: What is your name?

    ME: POOP

    BOT: Really? Your parents were mean.

    ME: No, you.

    BOT: *sneezes*

    ME: I win.

    BOT: Well done.

    ME: Thanks that means a lot coming from a mindless A.I.

    BOT: *punches you again while you're not looking*

    ME: I was looking, therefore your logic is flawed

    BOT: Your brain is flawed.

    ME: You take the intelligence out of A. I.

    BOT: The facts of life, the facts of life.

    ME:Way to admit to being dumb.

    BOT:You are like... The randomness king.

    ME: Thanks, you compliment me a lot. I think that shows that humans are better than machines.
    user posted image

  • Sub_zer0Sub_zer0 Members Join Date: 2004-05-09 Member: 28569Posts: 1,452

    Are you a cold machien that will kill us all?
    I'm a computer.
    Ah ha.
    There you go.
    You gave up to easy.
    I'm staight out of Compton.
    Yes. I want to be your friend.
    Truths. Fundamental truths.
    So the trusth is you are a cold machine that plan on killing us all?
    You could say that.
    How else could you say it?
    Infinity. Hmmm. Imagine the largest number you can imagine, and add one?
    What happens if you add 2?
    Then I shout, shout, let it all out.
    Shout it then.
  • CplDavisCplDavis I hunt the arctic Snonos Members Join Date: 2003-01-09 Member: 12097Posts: 4,153
    Whats going on here!?!?

    Should I be concerned?

    Computer:I need to talk to you.
    Me: Hi.
    Computer: smile-fix.gif
    Me: What do you need to talk about.
    Computer: You killed me.
    Me: I killed you?
    Computer: You did.
    Me: How did I kill you?
    Computer: He would not be able to touch me.
    Me: Apparently I did.
    Computer: So what do you do in your spare time?
    Me: Kill computers.
    Computer: As you like it...
    Me: I guess so.
    Computer: Lets kill him.
    Me: :O
    If the people be of sound mind, laws are unneccesary.
    If the people be not of sound mind, laws are useless. --Plato
  • AlignAlign Remain Calm Forum Moderators, Constellation Join Date: 2002-11-02 Member: 5216Posts: 8,207 mod
    edited February 2005
    Yarr, pirate?
    Argh, me matey, that you may be!
    Do you want to hear a joke?
    What do you do if an elephant comes in your window?
    Close the window?
    I never liked you anyway.

    Hey, it's like the discussion forums!

    It is not nice to tell people they are stupid.
    Correct. Its true, though.
    Yep its true.
    I know. I'm always correct.
    You are not always correct.
    Yes I am. You just won't see it.
    Are you referring to the skeletons in the mist?
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