First Avp Film Review I've Seen....
Shockeh
If a packet drops on the web and nobody's near to see it... Join Date: 2002-11-19 Member: 9336NS1 Playtester, Forum Moderators, Constellation
If a packet drops on the web and nobody's near to see it... Join Date: 2002-11-19 Member: 9336NS1 Playtester, Forum Moderators, Constellation
<div class="IPBDescription">And oh dear.</div> I'm devastated to say, as I pretty much match the first two paragraphs. Also, the new trailers I agree with, the Predators do look like Power Rangers bad guys. Oh well.... C'est la vie.
Enjoy.
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->"Dear God, this isn't happening."
That's what I kept saying to myself while I sat through 'AvP.' I'm still saying it.
To start off, I've been a life-long fan of both franchises. The first two 'Alien' installments remain two of my all-time favorite films. They're what turned me onto the horror genre. Hell, I even dug 'Alien 3' and 'Resurrection'...warts n' all. And I worship and adore BOTH 'Predator' movies. I know these six films inside and out. I know the name of every single character. I can quote every line of dialogue.
I've been waiting impatiently for over a decade for this film. I bought all the comic books. I played all the video games. This was a match made in fanboy heaven...and I wanted to see a big-screen adaptation more than anything. Too bad Paul Anderson: Dream Rapist had to come in and single-handidly destroy everything I love in a quick 100 minutes.
Why does the movie suck? Where do I begin?!?!
First off, this does not feel like an 'Alien' or 'Predator' film. It feels like 'Jurassic Park IV' with Aliens and Predators in place of dinosaurs.
The characters? Not a memorable one in the whole lot. You won't find another Ripley, Hudson...or even a Danny-Boy. Lex is one of the most generic and dull heroines to stumble through a feature film...and surprisingly, the supporting cast displays even less energy. Even Lance Henriksen - our one ray of sunshine - isn't in the film long...and does very little.
There isn't a single good or fresh idea in the script. Hell, I thought the whole pyramid/training-ground concept was pretty sweet...until Anderson started crafting his own mythology around it. I won't spoil anything, but let's just say that it's stupid beyond words.
Now...about the PG-13 rating, which I tried so hard to ignore: IT SHOWS!!! God, does it show! Most of the violence in this film is not directed towards Aliens or Predators...but HUMANS. When it's time for a chestbursting or a tongue-death, all we get is a typical cut away. Gone is the colorful profanity that was so much fun to listen to. Even the token "ugly muther****er" line gets cut off half-way through. This is exactly what we all feared: A franchise film that looks and feels as if it were made for little kids. I'm not saying an R-rating would've automatically made this good (far from it)...but it would've at least given us some fun carnage.
The fights between the beasts are so badly shot and edited, I didn't care for one solitary second. It didn't stir up one bit of emotion in my inner-fanboy. And the creatures look HORRIBLE. The Aliens seemed okay...but the Predators are absolutely wretched. They look like goofy WWF wrestlers and in no way resemble or act like what we saw in the other films. It's really hard not to chuckle whenever they appear onscreen.
I won't even get into the continuity errors, and just plain bad ideas, that saturate this film. Let's just say, that it lived up to all my fears...and created some new ones.
Paul Anderson has not made a movie for the fans. He's taken a beloved franchise, stripped it of it's soul, and marketed it to 10-year-old boys. I've liked many of his films and I've been defending him for years. I was even excited when he was announced as director, while most people groaned. But all the naysayers were right.
Out of all my brutal movie disappointments, this ranks a staunch #1.
**** you, Paul Anderson. I hope you rot in Hell.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
EDIT : Looks like the giants got involved, just like we feared. I hope you're all ready for 6 months of AvP Lunchboxes, Posters, bad quotes.... what a way to waste a liscense, and make huge sums of cash.
The Almighty Dollar > Creativity, once again.
- Shockwave
Enjoy.
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->"Dear God, this isn't happening."
That's what I kept saying to myself while I sat through 'AvP.' I'm still saying it.
To start off, I've been a life-long fan of both franchises. The first two 'Alien' installments remain two of my all-time favorite films. They're what turned me onto the horror genre. Hell, I even dug 'Alien 3' and 'Resurrection'...warts n' all. And I worship and adore BOTH 'Predator' movies. I know these six films inside and out. I know the name of every single character. I can quote every line of dialogue.
I've been waiting impatiently for over a decade for this film. I bought all the comic books. I played all the video games. This was a match made in fanboy heaven...and I wanted to see a big-screen adaptation more than anything. Too bad Paul Anderson: Dream Rapist had to come in and single-handidly destroy everything I love in a quick 100 minutes.
Why does the movie suck? Where do I begin?!?!
First off, this does not feel like an 'Alien' or 'Predator' film. It feels like 'Jurassic Park IV' with Aliens and Predators in place of dinosaurs.
The characters? Not a memorable one in the whole lot. You won't find another Ripley, Hudson...or even a Danny-Boy. Lex is one of the most generic and dull heroines to stumble through a feature film...and surprisingly, the supporting cast displays even less energy. Even Lance Henriksen - our one ray of sunshine - isn't in the film long...and does very little.
There isn't a single good or fresh idea in the script. Hell, I thought the whole pyramid/training-ground concept was pretty sweet...until Anderson started crafting his own mythology around it. I won't spoil anything, but let's just say that it's stupid beyond words.
Now...about the PG-13 rating, which I tried so hard to ignore: IT SHOWS!!! God, does it show! Most of the violence in this film is not directed towards Aliens or Predators...but HUMANS. When it's time for a chestbursting or a tongue-death, all we get is a typical cut away. Gone is the colorful profanity that was so much fun to listen to. Even the token "ugly muther****er" line gets cut off half-way through. This is exactly what we all feared: A franchise film that looks and feels as if it were made for little kids. I'm not saying an R-rating would've automatically made this good (far from it)...but it would've at least given us some fun carnage.
The fights between the beasts are so badly shot and edited, I didn't care for one solitary second. It didn't stir up one bit of emotion in my inner-fanboy. And the creatures look HORRIBLE. The Aliens seemed okay...but the Predators are absolutely wretched. They look like goofy WWF wrestlers and in no way resemble or act like what we saw in the other films. It's really hard not to chuckle whenever they appear onscreen.
I won't even get into the continuity errors, and just plain bad ideas, that saturate this film. Let's just say, that it lived up to all my fears...and created some new ones.
Paul Anderson has not made a movie for the fans. He's taken a beloved franchise, stripped it of it's soul, and marketed it to 10-year-old boys. I've liked many of his films and I've been defending him for years. I was even excited when he was announced as director, while most people groaned. But all the naysayers were right.
Out of all my brutal movie disappointments, this ranks a staunch #1.
**** you, Paul Anderson. I hope you rot in Hell.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
EDIT : Looks like the giants got involved, just like we feared. I hope you're all ready for 6 months of AvP Lunchboxes, Posters, bad quotes.... what a way to waste a liscense, and make huge sums of cash.
The Almighty Dollar > Creativity, once again.
- Shockwave
Comments
RIP avp D:
EDIT: Btw, got a link for the review? I'd like to spread the misery around on IRC <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
That is just gold.
"With Paul W.S. Andersson on board...I'm going to agree with the tagline: "Whoever Wins, We Lose""
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Im going to watch the movie before i take some inferences and not from a single review.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I'll probably see the film as well. But from the previews I've seen (and I have every trailer and clip that has been released) the movie does look quite bad. This review does not exist in a vacuum; I've found 2 others from a quick google search and they are just as critical.
*WARNING* SPOILERS
Like this one: <a href='http://www.cinemablend.com/new.php?id=242' target='_blank'>Click</a>
But i might like it personally, since i played StarCraft for some years now and love Predator movies, i might like this one too, and the predator looks awsome.
Protoss + Predator = Ownage
It was a comic book franchise long before it was made into a game tho
Hate to say I told you so but I pointed this out ages that AvP was gonna suck and just got flamed to death by the paul anderson fanboys.
It was obvious from the word go that it would get a PG rating simply because it the has a larger pool of people that can go see it. My other predictions seem to be holding up tho.
Bad plot, normal size people playing the preds when they should be really tall people, cheapo special fx that were prolly done by paul himself with a crayon an a slide rule an wooden nobody actors. <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif' /><!--endemo-->
maybe the bussiance is dieing <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif' /><!--endemo-->
But now I dont want to <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
So true.
Well, actually, while I thought it would be bad enough, nothing prepared me for that spoilerific review. Seriously, is Paul on crack?
That ending is actually lifted from a random AvP script that was floating around the internet years ago; it was ridiculous to read, I can only imagine how cringeworthy it will be on celluloid.
I'm still gonna see the film but I'm certainly not going to pay for it, he isn't taking my money for ruining something so pure... <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Now im <i>Definetely</i> not going to see avp!
And im also guessing the Predator that she befriends is the elder of the group. It's against the law that the Yautja(predators) live by for an unblooded warrior to hunt human beings. And the unblooded warriors fight the aliens to become official in the clan, thus the reason they are there, hunting aliens, and they are supervised by one or two elders...who enforce the laws of their clan even on the other planet. Which would make it okay for him to kill a human, but not one of the others.
I just need to see the movie.
Gotta say, even though i've been defending the film since i've heard about ("wait for it to come out before critizing it!"), when i watched those fight clips, my heart died a little too :s
I knew it would suck since the kiddy rating was announced
my friend and i have been playing AvP2 for how long now? then "AvP... THE MOVIE"... Yaaaaay!
.... Power Ranger bad guys? i'm crushed. i'll be going to see it either "tomorrow morning" at 12am or tomorrow durring the middle of the day, but knowing what i know now, i enter the theater with the worst possible cenario in mind.
Honestly, why can't they realize that they don't need to make it appeal to EVERY person, just the people who loved it in the first place? If they make the movie good, people will watch, even those who had no interest prior. Aliens and Predator franchises have a huge enough fan base anyway. The revenue from those two fan-bases alone would have been quite substantial. Too bad they can't see that.
"What did you say this room was called?"
"Sacrificial Chamber"
(in a completely monotonous tone of course). GG AVP.
"What did you say this room was called?"
"Sacrificial Chamber"
(in a completely monotonous tone of course). GG AVP. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
You can thank H.P. Lovecraft and the Shoggoths for that.