Just Too Funny!
Black_Viper
Join Date: 2003-12-08 Member: 24157Members
Join Date: 2003-12-08 Member: 24157Members
in Off-Topic
If you thought you knew a person that didnt know anything about computers read this, an actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
".......Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
".......Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
LOL, OMG!! Not only would the computer not start from the power, but hows he typing if it doesnt take commands!
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
".......Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
".......Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
LOL, OMG!! Not only would the computer not start from the power, but hows he typing if it doesnt take commands!
Comments
not <i>that</i> funny
Suddenly snopes is the authority on everything? Don't you think there's a chance that they're wrong?
Suddenly snopes is the authority on everything? Don't you think there's a chance that they're wrong? <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
If they were wrong they'd be SNOPED.
It wasn't very funny.
Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
Next...
Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Next...
Tech Support: "Ok, click on 'Start,' click on 'Programs,' and then click on 'MS-DOS Prompt.'"
Customer: "Right."
Tech Support: "Ok, you should now have a black screen."
Customer: "Uhm." (sound of hand covering mouthpiece) "Cheryl, is this screen black??"
Next...
Customer: "I just uploaded a file, but now it says I need to turn it off."
Tech Support: "If you sent us a file, that's uploading. If you got a file from us, that's downloading. Did you get a file from us?"
Customer: "Sorry, yes."
Tech Support: "No problem; it's easy to mix them up. When did the computer tell you to shut down or restart?"
Customer: "After I installed it."
Tech Support: "The file?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Which file did you download?"
Customer: "[program]"
Tech Support: "That's normal. You just need to restart before you can use the program."
Customer: "I was afraid of that. I can't afford to do that, so how to get rid of it?"
Tech Support: "Why is restarting a problem? Are you running another program?"
Customer: "I have lots of programs on there, and I don't want to erase them all."
Tech Support: "Have you been saving your work?"
Customer: "Yes, but I don't have a printer, and if I shut down won't I have to start over?"
Tech Support: "No, if you saved your work, when you restart, everything on your computer will still be there."
Customer: "Are you sure? That's not what happens on my calculator."
Tech Support: "I'm sure. I restart all the time."
Customer: "Thank you! This is such a relief. I had this thing a couple weeks now, and it keeps wanting to turn off."
Tech Support: "You don't need to do a shutdown, just a restart. Do you need some help restarting?"
Customer: "No, I'll just try this button."
Next...
Tech Support: "Ok, I can help you install the software. Would you like me to do that?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "All right, can you insert the disk in the disk drive please?"
Customer: "How?"
Tech Support: "Place the disk in the opening at the front of the computer."
Customer: "Will I have to have my computer delivered before we can do this?"
Tech Support: "Um yes, that might be an idea."
Next...
Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Next...
Tech Support: "Hi, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Uh, yeah, I can't print."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir, I want you to click 'Start' and--"
Customer: "Listen, buddy, don't get technical on me! I'm not Bill Freakin' Gates, you know!"
Next...
Me: "You type 'win' to start up Windows 95."
A Friend: (in awe) "How come you know all those commands by heart? Did you get a list of them somewhere?"
Next...
Office Worker: "I deleted all the images in our database that were more than three days old. Now I can't get the pictures I scanned last week. Maybe the database has some problems?"
Next...
Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer: "A white one."
Next...
Customer: "I'm just about ready to say give me my money back. You guys don't help me ever."
Tech Support: "What's wrong?"
Customer: "My son said you hooked him up last night, and all I needed to do is type in the address in my browser, and it would work."
Tech Support: "Are you connected when this happens, ma'am?"
Customer: "Yeeeessss."
Tech Support: "Ok. What did you do immediately after you typed in the address?"
Customer: "I waited, and then it disconnected me."
Tech Support: "Double click on your browser to open it."
Customer: "My what?"
Tech Support: "The program that allows you to surf the Internet."
Customer: "I'm washing dishes right now."
Tech Support: "Ok."
Customer: "How long would it take?"
Tech Support: "About ten minutes, if nothing else goes wrong."
Customer: "I've only got five."
Tech Support: "Tell you what, the next time you type in the address, push your 'enter' button and see what happens."
Customer: "Ok, but I swear if it doesn't get me to my page, you guys are quits."
Next...
Customer: "Hi. I was using Word, and my PC says it's lost its network connection."
Tech Support: "Ok, can you read me the error message?"
Customer: "Er...error message? Where's that?"
Tech Support: "It should be on your screen."
Customer: "Er..."
Tech Support: "Ok, can you just tell me what's on your screen?"
Customer: "Well, in the top-left corner, I've got a little blue 'W' on a blue bar. Next to that it says 'Microsoft Word - Document 1.' At the other end of the blue bar there are three buttons..."
Next...
Tech Support: "Click your left mouse button."
Customer: "Which one is that?"
Tech Support: "Well, you know your left from your right, so click the button on your left."
Customer: "Oh."
Tech Support: "What happened?"
Customer: "Nothing."
Tech Support: "You did click the left mouse button?"
Customer: "I think so."
Tech Support: "The one on your left?"
Customer: "Which one was that again?"
Next...
Customer: "I'm going to be using Windows NT. Should I get the Server or Workstation version?"
Tech Support: "Well, are you using it as a workstation or as a server?"
Customer: "A server. So, which one do I get?"
Tech Support: "The server version perhaps?"
Customer: "Which one is that?"
Tech Support: "Windows NT Server."
Customer: "Ok, thanks."
Next...
Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC."
Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"
Customer: "I can't open the box."
Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and go from there."
Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."
Next...
Customer: "Should I install this CD then, too?"
Tech Support: "Yes, sir."
Customer: "Can I do that while the computer is on?"
Next...
Customer: "How long is your 1000-foot bulk cable?" Tech Support: "Hello, help desk."
Customer: "I've just installed PacerLink and it's not working."
Tech Support: "What does the screen say?"
Customer: "'PacerLink is acting as a VT220 terminal. Press Alt-D to dial, or Enter to continue.'"
Tech Support: "And what happens when you press Alt-D?"
Customer: "Oh...thank you."
Next...
Tech Support: "I need you to boot the computer."
Customer: (THUMP! Pause.) "No, that didn't help."
Next...
Customer: "My program doesn't work."
Tech Support: "What happens when you try to connect?"
Customer: "Nothing."
Tech Support: "Nothing at all?"
Customer: "It gives me an error message."
Tech Support: "What does the error message say?"
Customer: "I don't know."
Tech Support: "What is on your computer screen now?"
Customer: "The computer is upstairs."
Tech Support: "Do you have a phone in the same room as the computer?"
Customer: "No, I can't have the computer on while I'm on the phone with you."
Tech Support: "That's fine, we just need to check your settings a bit. Would you be able to plug a phone in upstairs and call us back?"
Customer: "I can't plug the phone in upstairs, the computer is plugged in upstairs."
Tech Support: "Well, all you will have to do is unplug the computer from the phone jack, plug the phone in, and call us back."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "All you have to do is unplug the phone cord from the phone plug in the wall where the computer is plugged in and plug in the phone from downstairs into the wall."
Customer: "I'm not a computer person, don't talk technical with me."
Tech Support: "All you have to do is unplug the phone that we are talking on from the wall, carry it upstairs, and plug it into the wall there."
Customer: "I'm going to have to call you back. I'm pretty confused."
Tech Support: "Um, ok."
I'm going to stop copying these now... hehe...
Attempts...
Error: Too young to remember.
Retrying... 1
Retrying... 2
Retrying... 3
Connection failed.
*Goes into a seizure*
Real scenerio... just happened 10 minutes ago...
Cue woman walking into RS.... not looking the brightest...
Woman: Yes.. do you have coax cable?
Me: Yes we do, how long would you like?
Woman: Well.. I need it fairly long.. so.. how long do you have?
Me: We have anywhere from 1 foot up to 100 feet of cable.
Woman: (thinks) I see.. well ok lets go for 25 feet.
Me: (grabs box of 25 foot) Is there anything else I can do for you?
Woman: Nope... thanks
(cue ring sale.. and cut to 10 minutes later)
(Woman comes back really ****)
Woman: This cable doesn't fit on my current cable.
Me: Well.. what does your cable jack look like then?
Woman: What cable jack? All I have is a cable coming out of the wall.
Me: Ahh.. well in that case let me grab you a coupler so you can connect the two cables.
Woman: No.. you didn't help me properly the first time, so I just want to return it.
Me: Very well, (cue ring return etc)
Woman: You shouldn't be working here, you do not know what you are doing.
Me: Well I do apreciate your input ma'am, I wish you would have told me what you had coming out of the wall.
Woman: Yeah.. anyway.. get a new job, where you know what you are doing.
(She storms off)
Bah.. I hate people lol :-)
Lanfear, I love stupid people, don't you?
# Tech Support: "Well sir, what can I do for you?"
# Customer: "Well, I just got my system today, and my friend installed a screen saver, and it comes up fine...BUT EVERY TIME I MOVE THE MOUSE IT GOES AWAY!!!!!!!"
# Her: "Could you put my old monitor on the new computer?"
# Me: "I could, but wouldn't you prefer the larger 17" monitor?"
# Her: "Well, I wouldn't mind it, but I installed a $75 screen saver on the old monitor, and I don't want to lose it."
# Me: "Well, don't worry about that. The new monitor will have that exact same screen saver."
# Her: "You can transfer the screen saver off of my old monitor to the new one?"
# Me: "I sure can."
# Her: "Good."
I love this one <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Customer: "Do you sell Mac OS X for Windows?"
# Friend: "Hey, cool Mac! Does it have Windows!?"
# Me: (incredulous stare)
# Friend: "Oh, wait, that was stupid. All Macs have Windows."
Customer: (angrily) "You said I would get 98 windows with this computer. Where are they?"
* Customer: "I installed Windows 98 on my computer, and it doesn't work."
* Tech Support: "Ok, what happens when you turn on your computer?"
* Customer: "Boy, are you listening? I said it doesn't work."
* Tech Support: "Well, what happens when you TRY to turn it on?"
* Customer: "Look, I'm not a computer person. Talk regular English, not this computer talk, ok?"
* Tech Support: "Ok, let's assume your computer is turned off, and you just sat down in front of it, and want to use it. What do you do?"
* Customer: "Don't talk like I'm stupid, boy. I turn it on."
* Tech Support: "And then what happens?"
* Customer: "What do you mean?"
* Tech Support: "Does anything appear on your monitor? I mean, the TV part."
* Customer: "The same thing I saw last time I tried."
* Tech Support: "And that is what?"
* Customer: "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
* Tech Support: "Yes, sir. What is on your screen?"
* Customer: "A bunch of little pictures."
* Tech Support: "Ok, in the upper left corner, do you see 'My Computer'."
* Customer: "No, all I see is that little red circle thing with the chunk out of it."
* Tech Support: "You mean an apple?"
* Customer: "I guess it kind of looks like an apple."
Then it took me fifteen minutes to convince him that he had a Mac. Even after showing him "About this Macintosh." I spent another fifteen minutes trying to convince him that Windows 98 wouldn't work on his Mac. He said it should work because Windows 98 is for PCs, and he had a PowerPC. I think he's still trying to get it to read that CD, because I never could convince him.
(Happened about 4 yrs ago)
Me: Thank you for calling RadioShack.. how can I help you?
Woman: Yes.. I am having some computer issues can you assist me?
Me: Yes I can.. .what seems to be the issue?
Woman: Well I was working on my computer and my cup holder broke...
Me: Your cup holder... what cup holder would that be ma'am?
Woman: You know.. where you push the little button and the cup holder slides out.
Me: (trying not to laugh) You mean you were putting your cups on the CD-ROM tray....?
Woman: What is a CD-ROM?
Me: Well, it is where you would install extra software from, if you purchased any?
Woman: Oh.. so that isn't a cup holder?
Me: No ma'am it isn't.
Woman: Is that covered under warranty...?
Me: Umm... we could send it in for you.. I do not think it would be though.
Woman: How much would it cost if it wasn't?
(keep in mind 4 yrs ago 32x was fast :-) )
Me: Well if it is a high-end computer it could be as much as 300 dollars.. and that is just for parts.. the labor would be 100 dollars per hour.
Woman: Oh.. well.. umm.. nevermind then thank you bye.
(After this conversation, I had best buy call me and ask what it would cost to have her computer sent in to repair.. it was the same woman, LOL) <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Upon reading this I smached the back of my hand to my forehead and uttered a noise that sounded like "nyahhurghurghh... pun".
You didn't <i>actually</i> hear anyone dare say this did you?