'the Lookout'
Cleric_Epoch
Join Date: 2003-06-26 Member: 17714Members, Constellation
Join Date: 2003-06-26 Member: 17714Members, Constellation
<div class="IPBDescription">A Short Story</div> I started writing at 03:00am and have just finished. It is 04:00am GMT at the time of posting. So just something I wrote in about an hour. Enjoy and <b>comment</b> please.
<u><b>'The LookOut'</b></u>
Jennifer’s eyes flicked open, she had fallen asleep. A pale light played over her face and she looked up to it’s source. It was the television. The film she had been watching had finished. And she had missed the ending, again. On the screen now a vampire moved, grabbing a scantily clad women. It looked out at Jennifer from the screen with two yellow slits for eyes and she felt fear and something warm on her chest. Looking down she saw her favourite teddy between her arms. Bobbie, that was his name. Her mother had given it to her before she had left her home-world to stay with her dad on ‘The LookOut’.
She held Bobbie tight and looked away from the screen before the creature on the telly sank it’s teeth in.
Only then she noticed the porthole. A window to space. The stars were bright and the planet down below was dark. It was always like this on ‘The LookOut’. In space there was no day or night. Just endless darkness. The space stations artificially lighting was off so she assumed it was late.
She brushed a lock of brown hair out of her eyes and looked at the time on the chronometer on her wrist. It was a present she got last year when she learnt to tell the time.
It was long gone midnight and she was feeling tired. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and tried not to think what would happen if her father caught her up this late.
She yawned and decided to go to bed. Putting Bobbie down carefully she looked around for the remote. Where had she left it? Plunging her hand down the back of the sofa she pulled out some fluff and hair. With a bit of rummaging she found the remote control. With it she turned off the LCD screen and put it gently on the table next to the sofa.
Standing up quietly she stretched and yawned again.
‘I mustn’t Forget Bobbie.’ She thought. Picking him up and embracing him under her arm. Then she tip-toed through her father quarters.
He was only a technician on the space station. He had a small quarters. A living/dinning room with a kitchen downstairs. And a bedroom and bathroom upstairs.
She walked into the kitchen and got a glass from a side cupboard. Putting Bobbie somewhere away from the sink, to stop him getting wet. She turned the kitchen tap on. A thick, greenish liquid ran from it. ‘The water recycling plant has broken again,’ she thought. ‘More work for daddy. Less time spent with me.’
Opening the fridge she found a half-empty carton of milk and pour that instead. Picking up Bobbie and the glass slowly she crept up the stairs to the bedroom.
She stopped half way and listened out for her father. She heard the mild hum of the stations engine running through the nano-grid. And the water running through the pipes. There was a tapping of something. Something moving above her. She looked up to see a large circular ventilation shaft that ran though-out the space station. The tapping pasted and faded away.
She moved up the stairs slowly, avoiding the seventh and ninth step, because they creaked. The trick was to walk on the outsides of the steps. Not to put any weight in the middle, where the board was weakest. It helped when you we’re only 17 Kg too. She reached the top of the stairs without spilling a drop of milk. With Bobbie firmly under one arm and a glass of milk in the other she sneaked into the bedroom. Her father rolled over to face the door as she entered. Jennifer jumped spilling some milk on the floor. Then her father started to snore loudly. She gave a sigh of relief and had a sip of the milk. The drops on the floor were absorbed into the nano-grid, like water into a kitchen towel.
On tip-toes now she slinked to the bundle of bedding on the floor next to her fathers bed. This was where she slept while staying on the station. She put her milk down, making sure it didn’t clink on the table beside the bed.
Then she lay down and pulled a sheet over her. Hugging Bobbie tight she closed her eyes and began to sleep.
She started to dream. More of a nightmare then a dream. She was lying on her back in the bedroom. The bed sheets were damp. She rolled over to see why and found an empty glass on her pillow. Her dads arm was hanging of the bed. It had hit her. Looking at it now in more detail it was covered in red liquid. Some of the crimson fluid dropped to the floor only to be absorbed into the nano-grid.
She pulled off her sodden covers and stood up, Bobbie still in her arms. A large dog was sat, squat on her father. Its mouth was covered in gore. Alerted by her movement it looked at her with two yellow slits, for eyes, like the vampire in the movie. The fear grabbed her again. She opened her mouth to scream but nothing came.
The creature closed in on her. It had claws for legs. Four, long, scythe like claws. They tapped on the bedside table. She tried to turn and run but her legs wouldn’t respond, like a rabbit caught in head lights. The terror had it’ grip on her.
Then the monster pounced. She fell back and disappeared in a flurry of teeth and claws.
The movement stopped as suddenly as it had started. A lone skulk stood a pile of blood-soaked bedsheets. The head of a teddy in it’s mouth…
Edit - Changed some speeling and grammar mistakes.
<u><b>'The LookOut'</b></u>
Jennifer’s eyes flicked open, she had fallen asleep. A pale light played over her face and she looked up to it’s source. It was the television. The film she had been watching had finished. And she had missed the ending, again. On the screen now a vampire moved, grabbing a scantily clad women. It looked out at Jennifer from the screen with two yellow slits for eyes and she felt fear and something warm on her chest. Looking down she saw her favourite teddy between her arms. Bobbie, that was his name. Her mother had given it to her before she had left her home-world to stay with her dad on ‘The LookOut’.
She held Bobbie tight and looked away from the screen before the creature on the telly sank it’s teeth in.
Only then she noticed the porthole. A window to space. The stars were bright and the planet down below was dark. It was always like this on ‘The LookOut’. In space there was no day or night. Just endless darkness. The space stations artificially lighting was off so she assumed it was late.
She brushed a lock of brown hair out of her eyes and looked at the time on the chronometer on her wrist. It was a present she got last year when she learnt to tell the time.
It was long gone midnight and she was feeling tired. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and tried not to think what would happen if her father caught her up this late.
She yawned and decided to go to bed. Putting Bobbie down carefully she looked around for the remote. Where had she left it? Plunging her hand down the back of the sofa she pulled out some fluff and hair. With a bit of rummaging she found the remote control. With it she turned off the LCD screen and put it gently on the table next to the sofa.
Standing up quietly she stretched and yawned again.
‘I mustn’t Forget Bobbie.’ She thought. Picking him up and embracing him under her arm. Then she tip-toed through her father quarters.
He was only a technician on the space station. He had a small quarters. A living/dinning room with a kitchen downstairs. And a bedroom and bathroom upstairs.
She walked into the kitchen and got a glass from a side cupboard. Putting Bobbie somewhere away from the sink, to stop him getting wet. She turned the kitchen tap on. A thick, greenish liquid ran from it. ‘The water recycling plant has broken again,’ she thought. ‘More work for daddy. Less time spent with me.’
Opening the fridge she found a half-empty carton of milk and pour that instead. Picking up Bobbie and the glass slowly she crept up the stairs to the bedroom.
She stopped half way and listened out for her father. She heard the mild hum of the stations engine running through the nano-grid. And the water running through the pipes. There was a tapping of something. Something moving above her. She looked up to see a large circular ventilation shaft that ran though-out the space station. The tapping pasted and faded away.
She moved up the stairs slowly, avoiding the seventh and ninth step, because they creaked. The trick was to walk on the outsides of the steps. Not to put any weight in the middle, where the board was weakest. It helped when you we’re only 17 Kg too. She reached the top of the stairs without spilling a drop of milk. With Bobbie firmly under one arm and a glass of milk in the other she sneaked into the bedroom. Her father rolled over to face the door as she entered. Jennifer jumped spilling some milk on the floor. Then her father started to snore loudly. She gave a sigh of relief and had a sip of the milk. The drops on the floor were absorbed into the nano-grid, like water into a kitchen towel.
On tip-toes now she slinked to the bundle of bedding on the floor next to her fathers bed. This was where she slept while staying on the station. She put her milk down, making sure it didn’t clink on the table beside the bed.
Then she lay down and pulled a sheet over her. Hugging Bobbie tight she closed her eyes and began to sleep.
She started to dream. More of a nightmare then a dream. She was lying on her back in the bedroom. The bed sheets were damp. She rolled over to see why and found an empty glass on her pillow. Her dads arm was hanging of the bed. It had hit her. Looking at it now in more detail it was covered in red liquid. Some of the crimson fluid dropped to the floor only to be absorbed into the nano-grid.
She pulled off her sodden covers and stood up, Bobbie still in her arms. A large dog was sat, squat on her father. Its mouth was covered in gore. Alerted by her movement it looked at her with two yellow slits, for eyes, like the vampire in the movie. The fear grabbed her again. She opened her mouth to scream but nothing came.
The creature closed in on her. It had claws for legs. Four, long, scythe like claws. They tapped on the bedside table. She tried to turn and run but her legs wouldn’t respond, like a rabbit caught in head lights. The terror had it’ grip on her.
Then the monster pounced. She fell back and disappeared in a flurry of teeth and claws.
The movement stopped as suddenly as it had started. A lone skulk stood a pile of blood-soaked bedsheets. The head of a teddy in it’s mouth…
Edit - Changed some speeling and grammar mistakes.
Comments
But was the end a dream, or had she woken up at that point?
Although I kind of don't want to know the answer...
But was the end a dream, or had she woken up at that point?
Although I kind of don't want to know the answer... <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Thats what happens when you stay up late and watch scary movies kids. Or is it...?
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Gross, morose, just the way I like it <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Zooby, who's morose?
<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>Edit -Still some spelling mistakes.</span>
Pfft, like to see you write better at 03:00 am, when you've just come back from the pub, after watching your national football team lose to Sweden!
Or you could give me some contructive critism. What didn't you like about it Dee?
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->can i stick it on my up and coming site for later? <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Go ahead mate. Just gimme some credit.
Tc.dras.us
Just started out so your the first <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Tc.dras.us
Just started out so your the first <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Yay! What an honour! <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> Thanks mate.
Edit - One thing, I haven't spell and grammar checked it yet. I will tell you when it's done, so you can update.
J/K, good job, a real creepy story.
Excellent story but short, rusty ending
(*)(*)(*)(*)( )
4/5 stars
And at the end when I call the creature a skulk, Jenifer is dead so it doesn't really matter.