Club Brawling Round I
Infinitum
Anime Encyclopedia Join Date: 2002-08-08 Member: 1111Members, Constellation
Anime Encyclopedia Join Date: 2002-08-08 Member: 1111Members, Constellation
<div class="IPBDescription">Children, Racism and Killer Bike Helmets</div> <!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><@bert|sney> man Inf, you need some pictures to break that up
<Infinitum> Will pirates do piele?
<@Commando> Of course
<@bert|sney> They better be smiling<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Well seeing how I no longer work at a pub, but rather a club... I guess it's time to rename the section. That and I forgot what number I was up too...
Anyways, yet another installment in this wonderfully colourful series.
I have a few stories, so I'll do as many as I care to remember...
I think it's very hard for me to go to work and proceed to do a full shift without incident. There always seems to be one jackarse who wants to rub me and the system the wrong way. People seem to think I have a personal vendetta against them... hey, I'm just trying to do my job and abide by the law my government set in place for this industry.
For example, everyone coming into a registered club needs to either be a member, or be signed in one way or another. So when 30 people decided to turn up all at once it's a very difficult situation with only 1 doorman. I have gotten quite good at multi-tasking book sign-ins and checking member badges at the same time, though obviously I can't be fifty places at once and the problem that I have with that is that people are impatient f***w*** who only think of getting to their oh-so-precious Poker Machines, for lack of a better description...
So there I was about a week ago when around 20 people come through at once, I had checked every single person or got them to sign in the books, save 1. I had seen him show me his wallet, but I had failed to see the member badge (What we call the card) I was just busy.
"Excuse me sir, may I see your member badge please."
"Oh what's this now. HERE. Take it." *hands me his members badge albeit slightly annoyed*
"Thank you sir, here you are." *try to hand member badge back*
"No you keep it. You obviously are too stupid to see my card everytime I walk in, so you keep it there so everytime I walk in you have my card."
"That's poetic sir, and let me remind you not to take a tone with staff members. Here's your card back."
"NO! TAKE IT BECAUSE YOU NEED GLASSES YOU STUPID PR***!"
"Oh, since you put it that way. I <i>will</i> take your card. I'll also be handing it to my Duty Manager. And I'll be informing you, you are now barred from this club until further notification from the board of directors and then finally I'll ask you to vacate club premises immediately. Good day."
Too cut a long story short, he argues, I get my manager, manager agrees with me, member gets barred, I contemplate how woefully stupid 90% of society truly is for the umpteenth time...
<img src='http://www.redrocketfive.com/mallet/drawings/pirates.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
Not only are the serious gamblers impatient as all hell, as soon as they hit those accursed machines they seem to block everything else out. As my second story unfolds you will see how this becomes truly apparenty...
Around a month ago I was doing a 3hr door shift. I was filling in the time between the morning and the night doorman switch over. Pretty damn easy shift, considering I was down at the secondary club and they have a chair on the door so I can rest easy.
About 30 minutes goes by and an asian couple come in, sign in perfectly and proceed to the buffet with their small child. Nothing sinister there. Family out for a feed.
An hour ticks by and I'm up wandering around the desk trying not to look bored when I notice the couple's child standing outside the toilets. It's against the law to have an unattended child in a club, so I go up and ask him where his mum and dad are, he tells me they're in the toilets. So I wait around and sure enough they both come back out and they proceed back to the buffet. I casually think to myself that they didn't want to leave the kid alone in the buffet, which was fair enough and I think nothing more of it.
2 hours in and I notice the kid again.
I kneel down beside him "Hey, where's your mummie and daddie?"
"There." I follow his hand down into the Poker Machine area... where I see both the mother and father playing seperate machines.
"So who's watching you mate?"
"Noone." *twitch*
"Ok, I'll tell you what. You come back with me and you can sit in my very special chair ok?" I take the kid over to the desk and sit him in the chair so I can keep an eye on him. He can't be much more than 5-6 and they've left him unattended so they could go and play the f***ing poker machines.
I then follow procedure.
Notify my duty manager.
Duty manager calls police.
Police arrive.
By the time this has all happened, roughly.... 20 minutes have passed since I first made contact with the kid and neither parent has even bothered to look for him...
They're still playing the poker machines...
I watch as the Police walk down, tell them both to come to the front foyer so both I and the duty manager can have a word with them.
I had only 2 things to say to them.
"Sir, are you aware that you have left a small child unattended for more than 20 minutes so you and your wife could play the poker machines. Do you also know that had I not found your son first, there is a strong possibility that he could have been kidnapped or worse?"
I believe his reply was something along the lines of "Bulls*** it was only 5 minutes and it's perfectly legal for him to be by himself. Besides staff are expected to watch children."
I am so **** glad the Police and my manager were there, otherwise I would have beaten some sense into him... Again long story short (Getting sick of this story because it disgusts me)
Couple is lead into office by manager, 10 minutes later they are escorted out under arrest by the police, I once again contemplate the fact 90% of society shouldn't be allowed to have children.
Making excuses like that... Jesus Christ...
<img src='http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/when-pirates-meet.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
Not only are our members both impatient and neglectful, they also seem to think that everyone of our staff members is racist. Where my club is located, also happens to be a hub for a lot of aboriginal communities. Now don't get me wrong. 99.999999% of aboriginal's are perfectly fine by me. It's the one's with a stick up their arse thinking every white person is out to get them and they can just waltz all over us using racism as their crutch.
For example. Today. On the front door of the main club. Again.
I just come back from my meal break. Aboriginal lady comes in.
"Good afternoon ma'am. Member or visitor."
"Visitor."
"Do you have some ID on you ma'am."
*She show's me a library card*
"I'm sorry ma'am. I need to see something with an address on it. Do you have a driver's license on you by any chance?"
Jesus H CHRIST I wasn't even expecting what comes next....
In her loudest possible voice...
"DID YOU JUST CALL ME A **** (Racial slur)?!"
"Ma'am I..."
"****! YOU JUST CALLED ME A ****! YOU'RE RACIST! WHERE IS YOUR MANAGER!? I DEMAND TO SEE YOUR MANAGER TO HAVE YOU FIRED! RACIST!"
*she turns to the nearest person she could find. A random member who just walked in*
"YOU HEARD RIGHT? HE CALLED ME A ****!" Her ramblings just continue.. I can't even remember half of it... I tried calming her down as much as I could... Hell I didn't even need to phone my manager up. Half the club bloody heard her.
Out runs several supervisors (Poker Machine attendants) my head steward (Looks after staff), my duty manager (Looks after club)
She starts going on, demanding she be let in, asking for me to be fired, everytime she looks at me she screams "THERE HE CALLED ME A **** UNDER HIS BREATH AGAIN!"
....
I was talking to the supervisors about what had just happened... I hadn't even said the slur while I was relaying the info. Luckily, I had the cloakroom lady there who confirmed I had never said any such racial slur. She was right next to me the whole time. I also had at least 3 members come to my defense, and the fact I am well known for my politeness on the door (Why I got it in the first place)
Long story short. Screaming lady screams at my manager some more, manager asks for ID, screaming lady doesn't have any, manager refuses entry, more screaming, manager nods at head steward and stands there to cop more abuse, head steward calls police, I have to leave the front door because we can't move the lady and everytime she sees me she goes ballistic (Everytime we very calmly place one hand on her shoulder to move her out of the way to get back to our job, she screams (TOUCH ME AND I'LL HAVE YOU FOR ASSAULT YOU RACIST!") cops arrive minutes later, arrest screaming lady, I once again contemplate how society managed to evolve into this living cesspool of morons who need to lean on a **** crutch to get ahead in life.
<img src='http://www.consolevision.com/members/covers/gen/pirates.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
And lastly, not only are our members impatient, neglectful, dependent on others, they are also barbaric drunks. But of course, you already knew that...
A week ago. Front door. Night shift.
I come back from a break, start getting bored again, let some people out who had obviously had a little too much (They had walked out themselves. Not cut off from bar or escorted out)
Fair enough, they obviously realised when to call it quits...
They hang around out front. Probably waiting for somebody... they start gradually getting louder and louder. I figure I need to go outside soon and calm them down in a bit.
I give them another minute, then I start walking out. I watch as this drunk rips the helmet off this poor guys bicycle that was chained up outfront and watch as the guy proceeds to kick it around like a soccerball.
I finally reach the door. Obviously tact isn't needed here...
"OI! Knock that s*** off. That isn't your helmet."
"Matey... you see this... helmet... It's gonna KILL somebody and I gotta kill it first!"
Out of ALL the drunken replies I have heard. That one ranks right up there...
He then proceeds to jump on top of the helmet and crush it into pieces (Cheap helmet, but that's beside the point)
"Oi. **** off now before I get security."
"Mate I could f***ing HAVE you in 1 hit!"
"I'm sure you'd like to try. Now rack off."
Long story short (Yay Far Cry) he takes a swing, any barmen worth his salt could dodge a drunkman's punch... he keeps swinging. I just keep dodging (Not allowed to retaliate unless I get hit, and they tell you to try and avoid everything and let security handle it) security rushes out, tackles the drunk, police called, arrest, I once again conetemplate how society is doomed to fail at this rate...
God I hate people who come into clubs... I really truly mean that... Most are great... it's just that small group who seems to drag the rest of them down a hundred rungs on the evolutionary ladder...
Bleah...
Is that you John Wayne... is this me...
<Infinitum> Will pirates do piele?
<@Commando> Of course
<@bert|sney> They better be smiling<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Well seeing how I no longer work at a pub, but rather a club... I guess it's time to rename the section. That and I forgot what number I was up too...
Anyways, yet another installment in this wonderfully colourful series.
I have a few stories, so I'll do as many as I care to remember...
I think it's very hard for me to go to work and proceed to do a full shift without incident. There always seems to be one jackarse who wants to rub me and the system the wrong way. People seem to think I have a personal vendetta against them... hey, I'm just trying to do my job and abide by the law my government set in place for this industry.
For example, everyone coming into a registered club needs to either be a member, or be signed in one way or another. So when 30 people decided to turn up all at once it's a very difficult situation with only 1 doorman. I have gotten quite good at multi-tasking book sign-ins and checking member badges at the same time, though obviously I can't be fifty places at once and the problem that I have with that is that people are impatient f***w*** who only think of getting to their oh-so-precious Poker Machines, for lack of a better description...
So there I was about a week ago when around 20 people come through at once, I had checked every single person or got them to sign in the books, save 1. I had seen him show me his wallet, but I had failed to see the member badge (What we call the card) I was just busy.
"Excuse me sir, may I see your member badge please."
"Oh what's this now. HERE. Take it." *hands me his members badge albeit slightly annoyed*
"Thank you sir, here you are." *try to hand member badge back*
"No you keep it. You obviously are too stupid to see my card everytime I walk in, so you keep it there so everytime I walk in you have my card."
"That's poetic sir, and let me remind you not to take a tone with staff members. Here's your card back."
"NO! TAKE IT BECAUSE YOU NEED GLASSES YOU STUPID PR***!"
"Oh, since you put it that way. I <i>will</i> take your card. I'll also be handing it to my Duty Manager. And I'll be informing you, you are now barred from this club until further notification from the board of directors and then finally I'll ask you to vacate club premises immediately. Good day."
Too cut a long story short, he argues, I get my manager, manager agrees with me, member gets barred, I contemplate how woefully stupid 90% of society truly is for the umpteenth time...
<img src='http://www.redrocketfive.com/mallet/drawings/pirates.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
Not only are the serious gamblers impatient as all hell, as soon as they hit those accursed machines they seem to block everything else out. As my second story unfolds you will see how this becomes truly apparenty...
Around a month ago I was doing a 3hr door shift. I was filling in the time between the morning and the night doorman switch over. Pretty damn easy shift, considering I was down at the secondary club and they have a chair on the door so I can rest easy.
About 30 minutes goes by and an asian couple come in, sign in perfectly and proceed to the buffet with their small child. Nothing sinister there. Family out for a feed.
An hour ticks by and I'm up wandering around the desk trying not to look bored when I notice the couple's child standing outside the toilets. It's against the law to have an unattended child in a club, so I go up and ask him where his mum and dad are, he tells me they're in the toilets. So I wait around and sure enough they both come back out and they proceed back to the buffet. I casually think to myself that they didn't want to leave the kid alone in the buffet, which was fair enough and I think nothing more of it.
2 hours in and I notice the kid again.
I kneel down beside him "Hey, where's your mummie and daddie?"
"There." I follow his hand down into the Poker Machine area... where I see both the mother and father playing seperate machines.
"So who's watching you mate?"
"Noone." *twitch*
"Ok, I'll tell you what. You come back with me and you can sit in my very special chair ok?" I take the kid over to the desk and sit him in the chair so I can keep an eye on him. He can't be much more than 5-6 and they've left him unattended so they could go and play the f***ing poker machines.
I then follow procedure.
Notify my duty manager.
Duty manager calls police.
Police arrive.
By the time this has all happened, roughly.... 20 minutes have passed since I first made contact with the kid and neither parent has even bothered to look for him...
They're still playing the poker machines...
I watch as the Police walk down, tell them both to come to the front foyer so both I and the duty manager can have a word with them.
I had only 2 things to say to them.
"Sir, are you aware that you have left a small child unattended for more than 20 minutes so you and your wife could play the poker machines. Do you also know that had I not found your son first, there is a strong possibility that he could have been kidnapped or worse?"
I believe his reply was something along the lines of "Bulls*** it was only 5 minutes and it's perfectly legal for him to be by himself. Besides staff are expected to watch children."
I am so **** glad the Police and my manager were there, otherwise I would have beaten some sense into him... Again long story short (Getting sick of this story because it disgusts me)
Couple is lead into office by manager, 10 minutes later they are escorted out under arrest by the police, I once again contemplate the fact 90% of society shouldn't be allowed to have children.
Making excuses like that... Jesus Christ...
<img src='http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/when-pirates-meet.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
Not only are our members both impatient and neglectful, they also seem to think that everyone of our staff members is racist. Where my club is located, also happens to be a hub for a lot of aboriginal communities. Now don't get me wrong. 99.999999% of aboriginal's are perfectly fine by me. It's the one's with a stick up their arse thinking every white person is out to get them and they can just waltz all over us using racism as their crutch.
For example. Today. On the front door of the main club. Again.
I just come back from my meal break. Aboriginal lady comes in.
"Good afternoon ma'am. Member or visitor."
"Visitor."
"Do you have some ID on you ma'am."
*She show's me a library card*
"I'm sorry ma'am. I need to see something with an address on it. Do you have a driver's license on you by any chance?"
Jesus H CHRIST I wasn't even expecting what comes next....
In her loudest possible voice...
"DID YOU JUST CALL ME A **** (Racial slur)?!"
"Ma'am I..."
"****! YOU JUST CALLED ME A ****! YOU'RE RACIST! WHERE IS YOUR MANAGER!? I DEMAND TO SEE YOUR MANAGER TO HAVE YOU FIRED! RACIST!"
*she turns to the nearest person she could find. A random member who just walked in*
"YOU HEARD RIGHT? HE CALLED ME A ****!" Her ramblings just continue.. I can't even remember half of it... I tried calming her down as much as I could... Hell I didn't even need to phone my manager up. Half the club bloody heard her.
Out runs several supervisors (Poker Machine attendants) my head steward (Looks after staff), my duty manager (Looks after club)
She starts going on, demanding she be let in, asking for me to be fired, everytime she looks at me she screams "THERE HE CALLED ME A **** UNDER HIS BREATH AGAIN!"
....
I was talking to the supervisors about what had just happened... I hadn't even said the slur while I was relaying the info. Luckily, I had the cloakroom lady there who confirmed I had never said any such racial slur. She was right next to me the whole time. I also had at least 3 members come to my defense, and the fact I am well known for my politeness on the door (Why I got it in the first place)
Long story short. Screaming lady screams at my manager some more, manager asks for ID, screaming lady doesn't have any, manager refuses entry, more screaming, manager nods at head steward and stands there to cop more abuse, head steward calls police, I have to leave the front door because we can't move the lady and everytime she sees me she goes ballistic (Everytime we very calmly place one hand on her shoulder to move her out of the way to get back to our job, she screams (TOUCH ME AND I'LL HAVE YOU FOR ASSAULT YOU RACIST!") cops arrive minutes later, arrest screaming lady, I once again contemplate how society managed to evolve into this living cesspool of morons who need to lean on a **** crutch to get ahead in life.
<img src='http://www.consolevision.com/members/covers/gen/pirates.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
And lastly, not only are our members impatient, neglectful, dependent on others, they are also barbaric drunks. But of course, you already knew that...
A week ago. Front door. Night shift.
I come back from a break, start getting bored again, let some people out who had obviously had a little too much (They had walked out themselves. Not cut off from bar or escorted out)
Fair enough, they obviously realised when to call it quits...
They hang around out front. Probably waiting for somebody... they start gradually getting louder and louder. I figure I need to go outside soon and calm them down in a bit.
I give them another minute, then I start walking out. I watch as this drunk rips the helmet off this poor guys bicycle that was chained up outfront and watch as the guy proceeds to kick it around like a soccerball.
I finally reach the door. Obviously tact isn't needed here...
"OI! Knock that s*** off. That isn't your helmet."
"Matey... you see this... helmet... It's gonna KILL somebody and I gotta kill it first!"
Out of ALL the drunken replies I have heard. That one ranks right up there...
He then proceeds to jump on top of the helmet and crush it into pieces (Cheap helmet, but that's beside the point)
"Oi. **** off now before I get security."
"Mate I could f***ing HAVE you in 1 hit!"
"I'm sure you'd like to try. Now rack off."
Long story short (Yay Far Cry) he takes a swing, any barmen worth his salt could dodge a drunkman's punch... he keeps swinging. I just keep dodging (Not allowed to retaliate unless I get hit, and they tell you to try and avoid everything and let security handle it) security rushes out, tackles the drunk, police called, arrest, I once again conetemplate how society is doomed to fail at this rate...
God I hate people who come into clubs... I really truly mean that... Most are great... it's just that small group who seems to drag the rest of them down a hundred rungs on the evolutionary ladder...
Bleah...
Is that you John Wayne... is this me...
Comments
<!--emo&::nerdy::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/nerd.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='nerd.gif' /><!--endemo-->
<img src='http://www.planaweb.com/grandmascamp/pirates2.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
interesting.
I know you feel I get to see stupid people in my job too. <!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif' /><!--endemo-->
its nice to know that 95% of the time in cases like this though the good guys win and you can get the last laugh.
<!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif' /><!--endemo-->
well GJ in handling everything properly <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Let me say so much: It's a pity I have to adhere to a strictly enforced NDA about our patients, or you'd soon find out that what Inf meets in his club is merely the tip of the iceberg...
And yes I did read the story. What I dont get is, are you British or Australian?
Social service in a psychatric clinic.
Let me say so much: It's a pity I have to adhere to a strictly enforced NDA about our patients, or you'd soon find out that what Inf meets in his club is merely the tip of the iceberg... <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I feel your pain brother
*cries on Nem's shoulders*
I don't even mention the crazy people that come in... I mean they are seriously screwed in the head big time...
And I work in Australia. I was born in Oz as well.
That second to last pirate WASN'T HAPPY!!!
<!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Yet again, the we laugh (and cry) over "Inf's Stories From the Front Door".
Thank you <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
So, how about keeping a slightly cleaned up version of events, and then binding them all to gether as a book. Wehn you become obseanly rich you can lend us all some $$ <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Inf, at least you have some excitement in your life, all I do is go to class and sleep...
Oh and the pirate pics were a great added touch :D
but in the meantime here are the only 2 pirate pics have <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif' /><!--endemo-->
<img src='http://www.imageshack.us/img2/2461/allyarrbase1.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
<img src='http://www.imageshack.us/img2/8025/ill_pirate1.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
and ill posts this because i like animated gifs <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
<span style='color:white'>You post off-topic pics, I nuke them. We make a great team!</span>
Cool stories inf.
--Scythe--
Great stories!
BEST. QUOTE. EVER.
Case #1: The Extremely Drunken Man with a Bad Attitude Problem
I was working the evening shift on a wednesday night a week back. The day had been very peaceful and uneventful, until in comes a man who's too smashed to even stand up proper. He walks straight up to the counter and asks me something in a very loud voice. I say "something" because his words come out in an unintelligible slur. I politely ask him to repeat what he was saying, and he does so twice, each time louder than the last.
At this point I finally understand that there is no point in continuing this conversation as he is way beyond the point of being capable of purchasing anything or perhaps even finding his way out again. He is also blocking other customers' access to the counter and in doing so wasting their time and trying their patience. I decide that it's time I escort him out politely, so I step out from behind the counter, walk next to him and say:
"Look, I think you've had more than enough for the day. I'd suggest you go home and sleep it off. Why don't you come back after getting some rest and let's try this again then, shall we?"
I'm used to saying this, having worked at the same place for four years now, and usually people respond to it in one of two ways.
1) They agree with me and either go out or allow themselves to be escorted out. Sometimes they ask me to call a cab for them if they don't think they're able to walk for more than short distances.
2) They disagree with me and start arguing about it. Usually a few sharp, but calming words work out the the problem and they go the way they came. The ones that want to argue are usually the ones that want to buy more alcohol, which I am by law not allowed to sell to a clearly intoxicated person.
Well, this guy chose a third alternative. He said:
"What the **** is... What... You wanna... You wanna fight with me, wha'?"
I didn't get a chance to tell him I very much don't want to fight with him, because after that sentence the first punch was already on its way. Luckily he is in such a condition that even a blind man could have turned aside the blow, so I proceed to block him, grab his hands and start pushing him out the door. Once he's out the door I let his wrists go, and he falls on his rear. I decide to try and make the best out of an unneccessary conflict situation and help him up while telling him that he's just done something excessively stupid and that he'd better pray to whatever he thinks will listen that he'll never do that again. I leave him there, and it looks like he's learned atleast something, for he doesn't try to come back inside after me. Half an hour later I regret I didn't call the cops because I can hear him outside on the street harrassing bygoers and yelling profanities. Well, the next time...
Case #2: The Pornography Connoisseur
Our shop also sells magazines of the erotic variety, from more respected publishers (if there are such in the business) like Private to the downright sleazy rags like '50 and Over' with taglines in the vein of 'Full of Granny Fanny' (I kid you not).
One night I received a call on the shop's phone. I picked the receiver up and said:
"R-Kioski Porvoonkatu (the name and location of the shop), how may I help you?"
"Well, this is a sort of an emergency case...", said a strained male voice that seemed to be in some kind of difficulty.
"An emergency? What can I do for you?"
"Ahem... this does indeed require a bit of haste."
I'm beginning to wonder, since the guy sounded like he should call the hospital instead of me. He continued:
"I was wondering, do you have any magazines?"
Magazines are always nice, even for people who sound like they've been mortally wounded.
"Yes we do. Which magazine are you looking for?"
"Well... ahem... Do you have any magazines with naked women in them?"
"Sure we do. Anything in particular?"
"I'm looking for something with... <i>young</i> girls in it. How about that?"
That combined with the tone and general feel of his voice made me a bit worried. Also, I really started wondering what exactly qualifies this as an emergency.
"And how <i>young</i> should they be, sir?"
"I'm thinking 18-20."
I'm thinking if you say what you're really thinking, I'm going to have to hurt you.
"Well sir, we do indeed. Do you have a particular title in mind or is everything good?"
"I'm not that particular. I think anything will do at this time."
<i>This</i> time?
"I'm confident you'll find what you are looking for in our selection."
"Good."
*click* He hangs up.
In written form the above exchange doesn't seem too odd, but for some reason I was left with the feeling that I'd just had a nice discussion with the friendly neighbourhood serial rapist. Even though he qualified the situation as an emergency, he never showed up to make the purchase, though. How do I know? No more pr0n sold that night after the call. Oh, and as a related note, would you believe that right after alcohol, pornography is on the top of the list of things that people try to shoplift the most. And these thieves are no teenage boys with raging hormones, but grown-up men usually in their fourties or over.
These stories weren't quite as action-packed or interesting as Infinitums, but I hope they entertained atleast someone. Of course, I could tell you about the time that one guy came in with a plastic tube stuck in his chest (yes, <i>in</i>, not on), or about the time that other weirdo pleased himself while looking in through one of the windows, and then proceeded to perform lewd conduct with a nearby traffic sign, or about the time... Well, you get the drift.
Very small girl, she worked at a convenience store (what yall call kiosks <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->) when she was 16-18 (thus she looked about 12).
She put it down as what she sold was:
Candy, Death(cigs), and Porn.
This can get realy creapy when it comes to the much older customers buying porn from some one who honestly looks like she is 12 years old <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I'm 23 and male, and it's still creepy sometimes, though not as creepy as the stuff my ex-grilfriend told me about when she worked in an adult store. That stuff was something you'd think would only happen in scat comedy films (or possibly Japan).