Forgive Me Father, For I Have Sinned...
A man goes to the confessional and begins "Forgive me Father,
for I have sinned."
"What is your sin, my son?" the priest asks back."Well," the
man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and I feel
absolutely terrible." "When did you use this awful language?"
asks the priest.
"I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it
was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that
was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the
ground after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?" "No, Father," says the man.
"After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my
ball in his mouth and began to run away."
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Father again. "Well, no,"
says the man.
"You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out
of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly
away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed Priest. "No, not
yet," the man replies.
"As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew
toward the green. As it passed over a a bit of forest near the
green, the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asks the now impatient Priest.
"No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through
some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand
trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole."
The Priest sighs, "You missed the putt, didn't you?!?"
(Source: TheDoc)
for I have sinned."
"What is your sin, my son?" the priest asks back."Well," the
man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and I feel
absolutely terrible." "When did you use this awful language?"
asks the priest.
"I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it
was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that
was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the
ground after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?" "No, Father," says the man.
"After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my
ball in his mouth and began to run away."
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Father again. "Well, no,"
says the man.
"You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out
of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly
away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed Priest. "No, not
yet," the man replies.
"As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew
toward the green. As it passed over a a bit of forest near the
green, the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asks the now impatient Priest.
"No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through
some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand
trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole."
The Priest sighs, "You missed the putt, didn't you?!?"
(Source: TheDoc)
Comments
<!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Sort of reminds me of when I was golfing with a friend; he hits the ball within a foot of the hole, and a crow knocked it into a water trap.
"Did you swear then?"
"No, Father, I remained calm"
"YOU MEAN YOU MISSED THE F****** PUTT?!"
<!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
"Did you swear then?"
"No, Father, I remained calm"
"YOU MEAN YOU MISSED THE F****** PUTT?!"
<!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
No, seeing as that's not funny, because it inserts vulgarity where none is required. Love the original, though.
high school sucks o so much.... i missed my appointment to get a tux.... i broke my left wrist.... i have a 38 in english.... my right foot is asleep.... my teacher is yelling at me right now to get off my laptop.... im sevenhundred + miles away from home
please anything will help
What's 2 feet tall and 4 feet wide...?
Or maybe I shouldn't go with that one here. :X
What's 2 feet tall and 4 feet wide...?
Or maybe I shouldn't go with that one here. :X <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Why that must be a gorge of course!
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I hope you are happier now, thinking of the brave little gorge buddies that spray you with tender loving care when ever you get a scrape and build your new modual hive/homes too! <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Jesus winds up and hits one about to the same spot. Jesus' ball hits the water and skips across. All of a sudden, lightning flashes and a ball drops from the sky. A fish swallows it, a bird picks up the fish and drops the ball onto a turtle, that walks over to the hole and drops it in.
Moses turns to Jesus and says, ''I hate it when your dad plays!''
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A poor but very religious man writes to God asking for some money, "Dear God," he writes, "I am in dire need of cash. As I go to church every week, could you send me £200?" He puts his name and address at the top of the page, writes "To God" on the envelope and pops it in the postbox.
The letter fins its way to the sorting office where a postie decides to have a laugh with his mates at the guy's expense. However, on reading the letter, they feel sorry for him and have a whipround which raises £125. They see the man's address at the top of the page and send it off to him.
A week later they get another letter addressed "To God," and excitedly open it, realising the man got his money.
"Dear God," he begins."Glad to see you got my letter asking for £200. However, I only received £125."
"I reckon those thieving **** at the post office have the other £75!"
<!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.natural-selection.org/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
"Did you swear then?"
"No, Father, I remained calm"
"YOU MEAN YOU MISSED THE F****** PUTT?!"
<!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
No, seeing as that's not funny, because it inserts vulgarity where none is required. Love the original, though. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
That's...kinda the point?
The guy is going to the confessional for swearing, and the priest ends up doing it? Irony?
But nevertheless, it got a smile from me.
A man is out for a stroll down a beach one day, and all of a sudden, he hears a deafening, booming voice: "<b>DIG!</b>". The man is startled, and looks around, and can't see anyone.
Not two steps later, he hears the voice again: "<b>I SAID: DIG!</b>". So he drops to the sand and starts to dig, and after a few minutes he finds a thick wooden chest. "<b>OPEN IT</b>" says the voice. The man opens the chest, and inside are hundreds of shining gold coins. He can't believe his good fortune.
"<b>TO THE CASINO!</b>" booms the voice, and the man complies. He hauls the chest into his car and drives to the nearest casino.
"<b>ROULETTE!</b>" shouts the voice. The man looks around, and it seems that only he can hear it. He procedes to a roulette table.
"<b>NUMBER FIFTEEN</b>" booms the voice. The man bets all the gold on number 15. The croupier spins the wheel, and the ball rattles to a halt on number 14.
"<b>SH**</b>", booms the voice.
k: another god one
so jesus is on earth, having some chill time talkin with the big daddy.
after a while: "so dad... what do i <i>do</i>, anyway?"
"well, son.. actually i was gonna talk with you about that. you have to die for your people's sins."
"oh.. well, i can deal with that. i'm the messiah, right? so... how does it end?"
"well you've got two choices: crucifixion.. or killer bees."
"killer bees? that sounds like the worse one.."
"well if you're crucified, you'll die a truly agonizing death."
jesus thinks about it.
"you know what, i'll take the cross. it's not my death i'm concerned with."
"you sure?"
"yeah. let's do it."
so jesus goes down, yadda yadda, up on the cross, rises on the fifth day, and goes back to heaven.
a good few years later: "you know, son.. you never told me why you chose the cross."
jesus and god are watching their disciples doing the sign of the cross, down below.
"you know, dad, they do the sign of the cross to symbolize my death, right?"
"yes."
"... i just figured i didn't want to spend my time up here waiting for the apocalypse.. watching our followers rolling around in the dirt, flinging their arms around like a bunch of idiots."