Tell Me What You Think Please

FiggyFiggy Join Date: 2003-12-01 Member: 23818Members
in Fan-Fiction Forum
<div class="IPBDescription">Don't be too hard just an Intro</div> Ummm tell me what ya think its just an intro, and plz answer if u think i should continue with the story and why if possible. Thank you


The NS Story Of Rico And 2iD
Chapter 1
Intorduction



June 5th 2946

Hi I'm Ricky Late Moter, some of the men in 2iD call me Rico. We have just landed on an unknown city and we're not sure if theres any aliens around. "Yo commander let me get a shotgun and a welder, oh and guys stay here while I go scout around" was the last thing i said to my men before i left. As I was walking along I suddenly heard a skulk right behind my ****, but when i turned areound with heart pounding and gun in hand I saw nothing. "just imagining things don't worry" i said to myself as i continued walking. As i continued on walking i clumbsily stumbled upon the hive. "Hey guys we got Aliens and I've found the Hive, Send backup ASAP" i said over the com., but no one replied.

And if u didnt like it if possible plz say what u think was wrong. Thank You in advance
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Comments

  • SDJasonSDJason Join Date: 2003-05-29 Member: 16841Members
    I can tell you see the story in your head very well, now describe it more...
    Turn that intro into about a 3-5 page Intro and you will be good

    We need details, juicy details, keep adding to it, also when using "quotes" to talk to people start them on a new line.

    But what i mean by details...

    (We had just landed on an unknown planet, and as me and my squad stepped off of the ship, its engines slowly humming down to a standstill, we immediately fanned out to covering positions. We had no way of knowing whether the planet was inhabited or not and this was standard procedure in all situations. I was covering the right flank, ensuring that no enemy's would flank us out from that side.
    It soon became clear that there were no hostiles in the immediate vicinity and we soon had a rudimentary base set up....)


    To replace We have just landed on an unknown city and we're not sure if theres any aliens around
    that you wrote

    See how much more interesting it is to read....

    Just take what is in your head and describe it more, then go back and edit for grammar when you are done and you will wind up with a very good story, even if you add to your original draft 10 times or more....

    good luck

    ~Jason
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  • noobynooby Join Date: 2003-04-21 Member: 15717Members
    edited February 2004
    Yep SDJASON got it spot on, I would have written it different of course, as we all have different views, but the advice is spot on. Elaborate a little to flesh it out.

    Oh by the way, Go Go Go.
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  • That_Annoying_KidThat_Annoying_Kid Sire of Titles Join Date: 2003-03-01 Member: 14175Members, Constellation
    yup, juicy details are the way to go, the more the merrier!


    try to write your story as you want it to be and you will usually be satisfied with the results in the end.


    <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
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  • FiggyFiggy Join Date: 2003-12-01 Member: 23818Members
    Thanks for the replies guys, they really helped me alot thx <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
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  • Lumberjack_WannabeLumberjack_Wannabe Join Date: 2003-03-11 Member: 14404Members, Constellation
    That's what most of us are here for... <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->

    Also remember to check for grammatical mistakes... that is, once the draft is completed.
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  • Fire_EelFire_Eel Join Date: 2003-08-19 Member: 19950Members
    Hey, while you guys are at it, do tell me whenever you spot a grammer mistake in my NS The Behemoth. I noticed that little of the replies actually tell me if I made any mistakes.

    Anyway, I am deeply aware of the fact that theres in fact a scary amount of grammer mistakes and stuff. Perhaps I should do proof reading soon and stop writing any chapters for a while.
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  • Lumberjack_WannabeLumberjack_Wannabe Join Date: 2003-03-11 Member: 14404Members, Constellation
    I'd suggest finishing the draft, THEN proof reading. It's better to get your ideas on paper before you lose inspiration.
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  • SaZe1SaZe1 Join Date: 2004-02-04 Member: 26057Members, Constellation
    Sounds intresting
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  • SDJasonSDJason Join Date: 2003-05-29 Member: 16841Members
    <!--QuoteBegin-Lumberjack Wannabe+Feb 5 2004, 05:13 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Lumberjack Wannabe @ Feb 5 2004, 05:13 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I'd suggest finishing the draft, THEN proof reading. It's better to get your ideas on paper before you lose inspiration. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    definitely..... that is the only way to do it

    Actually after im done proofreading... i go back and add more stuff in for atmospheric purposes only...

    Step 1... get the idea down on paper
    Step 2 proofread for grammar
    Step 3.. insert new sentences, paragraphs, and words to make it sound more atmospheric and better
    Step 4.. final proofread

    Step 5... post
    ~Jason
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