Insurance Claims
X_Stickman
Not good enough for a custom title. Join Date: 2003-04-15 Member: 15533Members, Constellation
Not good enough for a custom title. Join Date: 2003-04-15 Member: 15533Members, Constellation
in Off-Topic
<div class="IPBDescription">It came out of nowhere!</div> Right, a lot of you already know what these are. Basically, it's a collection of some of the funniest things people have written down in the "Describe, in your own words, exactly what happened at the accident" part of the insurance claim form.
A lot of these have already been posted in various places, Jasper Carrot (comedian for those who don't know) has done a lot of these, and i've got them from an old newspaper (august this year).
Anyway, for the benefit of those who haven't seen them:
<u><b>It came out of nowhere...</b></u>
I had been driving for over 40 years before i fell asleep at the wheel and hit a crash barrier.
<b>I thought my garage only had four posts. I hit the fifth one i knew nothing about...</b>
<i> I hit the lorry which was parked on the other side of the road coming the other way</i>
I reversed in to my drive late last night and hit a tree i didn't even have.
<b> The telephone pole was approaching fast. As i swerved to avoid it i hit an oncoming car </b>
<u><b>Those poor Pedestrians...</b></u>
<i> The pedestrian had no idea which way to run so i hit him</i>
I saw a slow moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the bonnet of my car.
<b>The accident happened as i waved to a man i hit last week</b>
<i> The bloke was all over the road. It took me a few tries before i finally hit him</i>
The cause of the accident was a little chap with a big mouth.
<b>I knocked this man over but he admitted it was his fault as it had happened before</b>
<i> I was trying to avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front and the only thing to stop this happening was to hit the pedestrian</i>
<b><u> It was like this...</u></b>
I couldn't have avoided hitting the lampopost as all i could see were pedestrians - and then they moved out of the way.
<b>As i approached the T-junction a Give Way sign appeared that i had never seen before in my life and i was unable to stop in time.</b>
<i>As i left work to travel home i drove into a bus that was five minutes early</i>
My car was legally parked when i reversed into the other car
<b>An invisible car came out of nowhere, hit my car, then disappeared into thin air</b>
<i>A bull was nearby and a fly must have tickled him or something because the next thing he was goring my car</i>
As i pulled off, i glanced at my mother-in-law and headed straight over the embankment.
<b><u>Ouch, that must hurt!...</u></b>
<b>I drove straight into the shop window and sustained injuries to my wife</b>
<i>I saw thge car in front of me but it didn't see me and even though he'd stopped, we crashed</i>
I was on the way to the doctor with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to hit the tree
<b>I told the police officer i wasn't injured, but on removing my hair i found i had a fractured skull</b>
<i>I thought my side window was open but it wasn't when i put my head through it</i>
I was knocked out as a result of the accident and taken to hospital where i sustained serious injuries.
<b><u>Oh really...</u></b>
<b>The accident was due to a bend in the road</b>
<i> I remember nothing at all after passing out near the Rose and Crown until i came around and saw PC Taylor</i>
The car collided with me without giving any warning whatsoever.
<b>I had been shopping all day for plants when suddenly a bush appeared out of nowhere which obscured my vision and caused me to crash</b>
<i>A cow wandered into my car. I was informed later that the cow was in fact a half-wit</i>
<b><u>When all else fails...</u></b>
The lady who was heading towards me lost her head and then it happened.
<b>I consider neither vehicle to blame, but if i had to say who was to blame it was definately the other idiot</b>
<i>I can give no details of the accident as i was not paying any attention at the time</i>
I looked for the sign, but the more i looked, the more i couldn't see it
<b>The other car collided with mine without notifying me of it's intentions</b>
<i>I was thrown from my car as it left the road and it was later found by some stray cows</i>
If the other driver could have only stopped a few feet behind himself, the accident would not have happened.
<b>To try to avoid the imminent collision with a pick-up truck, i ran into the smallest car i could see</b>
<i>Three women were talking, one stepped to the left, the other to the right, so i had to have accident with one of them</i>
I left my mini metro on the 4th story of the car park and when I returned someone had swapped it for a range rover
<b>The accident was due to an invisible lorry driven by a maniac</b>
I believe if i had lost my head in any way the accident would have been much worse
<i>A fly was obscuring my view of the road so i swerved to try to lose it and hit a telegraph pole</i>
There was no damage to the car as the signpost will testify
<b> The car in front stopped suddenly and i gently mounted the car and caressed the luggage rack</b>
<i>The other man changed his mind so i had to run over him </i>
Because the car was silver, when it caught the sun it made it seem invisible to my eyes
<b>If the man hadn't narrowly missed me the accident would never have happened</b>
<i>I did not fail to stop at the scene of an accident. I had already told the other driver what i thought of him and went home</i>
We were both reading the information on a signpost when the truck in front slowed down and caused us to hit him
<b>The truck backed up right through my car and into my wife who was in the back seat</b>
<i>I hit a bump and my foor jumped on to the accelerator with some force</i>
One minute the road was empty, suddenly there were two or three cars. I panicked.
<b>After the accident a complete stranger offered to be a witness in my favour for very little</b>
<i>There were plenty of onlookers but unfortunatly no witnesses</i>
God.... done at last. Sorry for any mistakes, i had to copy it out. Anyway, i thought some of these were really funny and, being the fantastic guy that i am, i decided to share.
A lot of these have already been posted in various places, Jasper Carrot (comedian for those who don't know) has done a lot of these, and i've got them from an old newspaper (august this year).
Anyway, for the benefit of those who haven't seen them:
<u><b>It came out of nowhere...</b></u>
I had been driving for over 40 years before i fell asleep at the wheel and hit a crash barrier.
<b>I thought my garage only had four posts. I hit the fifth one i knew nothing about...</b>
<i> I hit the lorry which was parked on the other side of the road coming the other way</i>
I reversed in to my drive late last night and hit a tree i didn't even have.
<b> The telephone pole was approaching fast. As i swerved to avoid it i hit an oncoming car </b>
<u><b>Those poor Pedestrians...</b></u>
<i> The pedestrian had no idea which way to run so i hit him</i>
I saw a slow moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the bonnet of my car.
<b>The accident happened as i waved to a man i hit last week</b>
<i> The bloke was all over the road. It took me a few tries before i finally hit him</i>
The cause of the accident was a little chap with a big mouth.
<b>I knocked this man over but he admitted it was his fault as it had happened before</b>
<i> I was trying to avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front and the only thing to stop this happening was to hit the pedestrian</i>
<b><u> It was like this...</u></b>
I couldn't have avoided hitting the lampopost as all i could see were pedestrians - and then they moved out of the way.
<b>As i approached the T-junction a Give Way sign appeared that i had never seen before in my life and i was unable to stop in time.</b>
<i>As i left work to travel home i drove into a bus that was five minutes early</i>
My car was legally parked when i reversed into the other car
<b>An invisible car came out of nowhere, hit my car, then disappeared into thin air</b>
<i>A bull was nearby and a fly must have tickled him or something because the next thing he was goring my car</i>
As i pulled off, i glanced at my mother-in-law and headed straight over the embankment.
<b><u>Ouch, that must hurt!...</u></b>
<b>I drove straight into the shop window and sustained injuries to my wife</b>
<i>I saw thge car in front of me but it didn't see me and even though he'd stopped, we crashed</i>
I was on the way to the doctor with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to hit the tree
<b>I told the police officer i wasn't injured, but on removing my hair i found i had a fractured skull</b>
<i>I thought my side window was open but it wasn't when i put my head through it</i>
I was knocked out as a result of the accident and taken to hospital where i sustained serious injuries.
<b><u>Oh really...</u></b>
<b>The accident was due to a bend in the road</b>
<i> I remember nothing at all after passing out near the Rose and Crown until i came around and saw PC Taylor</i>
The car collided with me without giving any warning whatsoever.
<b>I had been shopping all day for plants when suddenly a bush appeared out of nowhere which obscured my vision and caused me to crash</b>
<i>A cow wandered into my car. I was informed later that the cow was in fact a half-wit</i>
<b><u>When all else fails...</u></b>
The lady who was heading towards me lost her head and then it happened.
<b>I consider neither vehicle to blame, but if i had to say who was to blame it was definately the other idiot</b>
<i>I can give no details of the accident as i was not paying any attention at the time</i>
I looked for the sign, but the more i looked, the more i couldn't see it
<b>The other car collided with mine without notifying me of it's intentions</b>
<i>I was thrown from my car as it left the road and it was later found by some stray cows</i>
If the other driver could have only stopped a few feet behind himself, the accident would not have happened.
<b>To try to avoid the imminent collision with a pick-up truck, i ran into the smallest car i could see</b>
<i>Three women were talking, one stepped to the left, the other to the right, so i had to have accident with one of them</i>
I left my mini metro on the 4th story of the car park and when I returned someone had swapped it for a range rover
<b>The accident was due to an invisible lorry driven by a maniac</b>
I believe if i had lost my head in any way the accident would have been much worse
<i>A fly was obscuring my view of the road so i swerved to try to lose it and hit a telegraph pole</i>
There was no damage to the car as the signpost will testify
<b> The car in front stopped suddenly and i gently mounted the car and caressed the luggage rack</b>
<i>The other man changed his mind so i had to run over him </i>
Because the car was silver, when it caught the sun it made it seem invisible to my eyes
<b>If the man hadn't narrowly missed me the accident would never have happened</b>
<i>I did not fail to stop at the scene of an accident. I had already told the other driver what i thought of him and went home</i>
We were both reading the information on a signpost when the truck in front slowed down and caused us to hit him
<b>The truck backed up right through my car and into my wife who was in the back seat</b>
<i>I hit a bump and my foor jumped on to the accelerator with some force</i>
One minute the road was empty, suddenly there were two or three cars. I panicked.
<b>After the accident a complete stranger offered to be a witness in my favour for very little</b>
<i>There were plenty of onlookers but unfortunatly no witnesses</i>
God.... done at last. Sorry for any mistakes, i had to copy it out. Anyway, i thought some of these were really funny and, being the fantastic guy that i am, i decided to share.
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