Bash.org's Best
[WHO]Them![[WHO]Them](https://forumsdata.unknownworlds.com/uploads/ipb/nav-10593.jpg)
You can call me Dave Join Date: 2002-12-11 Member: 10593Members, Constellation
You can call me Dave Join Date: 2002-12-11 Member: 10593Members, Constellation
in Off-Topic
<div class="IPBDescription">only the funniest....</div> Ok, I hope to the forum gods that they don't just dismiss this as spam.
But I just found out about bash.org a few weeks ago (I think I actually spotted someone quoting them in their sig on these forums).
I've spent lots and lots of time going through their quotes and have noticed that most of them aren't all that funny. So I was hoping we could all come together as a group effort and post the best of the best from bash.org here in this thread.
Now, I know all the spam monkeys out there would just LOVE to post the first quote they can find just for the sake of posting. PLEASE DON'T.
The whole point of this thread is to ONLY post the quotes that made you laugh so hard that people around you came over to see what you were reading.
Hopefully it should be a nice laugh for all the people that are just finishing finals or are feeling down because of the holidays.
So without further ado, here are my absolute favorites........
<noss> wank in a thunder storm, it will make you feel like Thor
<McMoo> An infinite number of monkeys, on an infinite number of typewriters, will eventually produce the collected works of Shakespeare. John Romero's Daikatana was a ten-minute, five-monkey job.
(Random number generation is too important to be left to chance)
<ping> oh, im ready for the upcoming school year
<End[gone]> i dont think it will be any different
<zxaxox> thats why you have to take a shotgun and MAKE it different.
<Toazt> "Too few women on the internet?
<Toazt> There are lots of women on the internet,
<Toazt> only most of them are naked and in JPG-format."
<bocz> i think ill be stuck to getting 2 sticks of 128
<bocz> thats 310 mb for a server
<Guilty> Kudos on finding the elusive 54MB DIMM
(@[e]space) going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion
<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK ****
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andy\code> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks?
<TheXPhial> vaccuums
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
<TheXPhial> black holes
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
<TheXPhial> lava?
<Anarky> What's the best thing about twenty-eight-year-olds?
<Timofee> Dunno?
<Anarky> There's twenty of them dude
<Johnno> my favorite animal is the scapegoat
<Firebrand> Mario and Luigi are just too "goody goody" with each other.
<Firebrand> I'd wonder what kind of "plumbing" they do
<Firebrand> As I never see them with the tools
But I just found out about bash.org a few weeks ago (I think I actually spotted someone quoting them in their sig on these forums).
I've spent lots and lots of time going through their quotes and have noticed that most of them aren't all that funny. So I was hoping we could all come together as a group effort and post the best of the best from bash.org here in this thread.
Now, I know all the spam monkeys out there would just LOVE to post the first quote they can find just for the sake of posting. PLEASE DON'T.
The whole point of this thread is to ONLY post the quotes that made you laugh so hard that people around you came over to see what you were reading.
Hopefully it should be a nice laugh for all the people that are just finishing finals or are feeling down because of the holidays.
So without further ado, here are my absolute favorites........
<noss> wank in a thunder storm, it will make you feel like Thor
<McMoo> An infinite number of monkeys, on an infinite number of typewriters, will eventually produce the collected works of Shakespeare. John Romero's Daikatana was a ten-minute, five-monkey job.
(Random number generation is too important to be left to chance)
<ping> oh, im ready for the upcoming school year
<End[gone]> i dont think it will be any different
<zxaxox> thats why you have to take a shotgun and MAKE it different.
<Toazt> "Too few women on the internet?
<Toazt> There are lots of women on the internet,
<Toazt> only most of them are naked and in JPG-format."
<bocz> i think ill be stuck to getting 2 sticks of 128
<bocz> thats 310 mb for a server
<Guilty> Kudos on finding the elusive 54MB DIMM
(@[e]space) going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion
<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK ****
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andy\code> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks?
<TheXPhial> vaccuums
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
<TheXPhial> black holes
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
<TheXPhial> lava?
<Anarky> What's the best thing about twenty-eight-year-olds?
<Timofee> Dunno?
<Anarky> There's twenty of them dude
<Johnno> my favorite animal is the scapegoat
<Firebrand> Mario and Luigi are just too "goody goody" with each other.
<Firebrand> I'd wonder what kind of "plumbing" they do
<Firebrand> As I never see them with the tools
Comments
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks?
<TheXPhial> vaccuums
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
<TheXPhial> black holes
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
<TheXPhial> lava?
<!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
that first quote ends with "all your leaving is the noisy useless bagage"
and that second one had me rolling in laughed
maybe we should outlaw posts that say "ROFL" or sumat in this thread, or else it will fill with them <!--emo&::marine::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/marine.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='marine.gif'><!--endemo-->
<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<phxl|paper> and DANCE
* nmp3bot dances :D\-<
* nmp3bot dances :D|-<
* nmp3bot dances :D/-<
<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet
[note: this one has just been bumped off the #1 spot... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!]
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT ***
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right
<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
<Zanthis(ALE)> AFK, tornado
[iono what it is about this, just so ... classic.]
<Beeth> Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
<honx> well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P
<calin> we had a guy at school that wore black lipstick.. and was all gothy.. and then one day we caught him buying an assvibrator
<ecoli> ew.
<ecoli> wait, you "caught" him?
<ecoli> like, you were behind him in line at the assvibrator store?
<Aero> he doesnt answer
*** Quits: calin (No route to host)
and my all time favorite...
<BombScare> i beat the internet
<BombScare> the end guy is hard
[x-im]: your getting rippedoff pal, go talk to the union.
<Zybl0re> get on up
<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<phxl|paper> and DANCE
* nmp3bot dances <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->\-<
* nmp3bot dances <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->|-<
* nmp3bot dances <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->/-<
<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Classic.
#111338 +(4055)- [X]
<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...
<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything
<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.
<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "
<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls
<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"
<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.
<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.
<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.
<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang
<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->
<NiM> I went to church with my friends
<NiM> and they had all the alter boys being commissioned or whatever its called
<NiM> and we pours salt and viagra in the wine
<OttoDestruct> LOL
<NiM> And like 4 of the alterboys spat out the wine
<CF|Okra> hahahah
<NiM> and the priest was like OMG U SINNERS
<NiM> thats the blood of christ!
<NiM> And the ones that didn't spit it out where walking around in their freaking robs with boners
<NiM> it was the funniest **** ever
<NiM> We where kicked out
<NiM> of the church
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
As for individual quotes: (not sure how the filter will handle some of these)
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->
<Donut[AFK]> HEY EURAKARTE
<Donut[AFK]> INSULT
<Eurakarte> RETORT
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-RETORT
<Eurakarte> QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE
<Donut[AFK]> SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE **** UP
<Eurakarte> NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM
<Donut[AFK]> RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> ADDON RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> COUNTER-RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON
<Miles_Prower> RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES
<Eurakarte> WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD
<Miles_Prower> ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->* ab is away - gone, if anyone talks in the next 25 minutes as me it's bm
being an **** -
<ab> HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK ****<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <ohm> damn
<ohm> ****
<ohm> DAMN
<ohm> i was just in an AIM convo with a chick, and my grandmother's window pops up
<ohm> ****
<ohm> i go like this to her
<ohm> "i want to suck on your ****"
<ohm> ****<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><tag> Ouroboros: lets play Pong
<Ouroboros> Ok.
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> | .
<Ouroboros> Whoops<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><Night-hen-gayle> I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I also inexplicably found "AFK, tornado" funny.
*edit* These are soooo much funnier without the "bad" words filtered. *edit*
*edit2* HAD to add this one in, best. Quote. Evar.
"<Kazz> Do vampires have anuses? Cause that's why I wouldn't let this kid invade a vampire's anus in this RPG, right, I was GMing, and his character was an Anus Shade, with the power to possess and control the anuses of people and animals.. and I figured that vampires don't have anuses.
<Zaratustra> a vampire's anus is present, but non-working.
<Zaratustra> like a network card without the appropriate driver.
<Kazz> Wow. You're the biggest dork on Earth.
<Sharkey> And you're DMing an rpg with Anus Shades." *edit2*
<RatingsQ> WHOA I JUST HAD AN IDEA FOR A MOVIE
<RatingsQ> d00d what if you had this dude, typing on IRC...
<RatingsQ> but if he falls below 55 words per minute, dalnet explodes?
<booradley> I'd like to perform a one act play I call, "Creative screwed me like a ****"
<booradley> <audigy> Buy me! I'm ever so sexy
<booradley> <boo> ok. come home with me and we'll play among the stars
<booradley> <audigy> tee hee! I love you, boo!
<booradley> <boo> I love you too, audigy
<booradley> :: later ::
<booradley> <boo> there, you're all installed. how do you feel?
<neshura> down in front!
<booradley> <audigy> LET JESUS **** YOU! VRAAAGH!
* audience gasps.
<booradley> * audigy is putting noise across your PCI channels
<booradley> <hard drive> Mein leben!
<booradley> * hard drive has died
<booradley> <audigy> Blaaah! blaaaugh! your mother sucks **** in hell! graaagh!
<booradley> <modem> aaieee
<booradley> *modem has died
<booradley> and the new modem I got connects at 32k tops
<Shendal> By far, that's the best one-act IRC play I've read this season. Do I smell a Tony award?
<Firefly> Time for my prayers:
<Firefly> Our Father, who 0wnz heaven, j00 r0ck!
<Firefly> May all 0ur base someday be belong to you!
<Firefly> May j00 0wn earth just like j00 0wn heaven.
<Firefly> Give us this day our warez, mp3z, and pr0n through a phat pipe.
<Firefly> And cut us some slack when we act like n00b lamerz, just as we teach n00bz when they act lame on us.
<Firefly> Please don't give us root access on some poor d00d'z box when we're too **** off to think about what's right and wrong, and if you could keep
the fbi off our backs, we'd appreciate it.
<Firefly> For j00 0wn r00t on all our b0x3s 4ever and ever, 4m3n.
<skrike> I think the people above me are having sex
<skrike> either that or they're sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot.
<`Frieza> dont you get it! I have a giant Brain that is capable of reduceing anything down to a yes or no question.
<bUdDyLeE> LOL `Frieza I don't think that's how it's supposed to work
<bUdDyLeE> watch
<bUdDyLeE> What is the meaning of life?
<`Frieza> yes
<bUdDyLeE> elaborate
<`Frieza> no
<bUdDyLeE> fair enough.
* God was kicked by Satan (Satan)
<Satan> No<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><A_Witt> it's 1:45 am and I swear I just heard somone walking down the street playing a trumpet<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><Fina> After American Idol, they came out with The Sims : Superstar
<Fina> After this Harry Potter crap got popular, they came out with Makin' Magic
<Fina> lol What if next year we get a bunch of WW2 movies?
<Fina> The Sims : Hailin' Hitler<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->* sipr has joined #winprog
<sipr> Where can I find information on dynamic data exchange?
<drano> 1994<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><_TP_> "My name is Reginald P Linux and ever since my wife died Ive been VERY depressed"
<SanityClause> He should recompile her kernel<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
(simply because that's a quote out of the film Something Awful made. I hope he didn't claim it was his own <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo--> )
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><g-core> Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long 1, Michael J. Fox has a little one, Madonna doesn't have one and the Pope has one but doesn't use it. What is it.
<pip> last name
<pip> no wait
<pip> ****<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->* Eudoxus has joined #math
<Eudoxus> Can anyone help me write 1/(x^2-3x+2) as a power series in x and find its radius of convergence?
<vrover> No
<vrover> But we can give you a lollipop
<vrover> Have a lollipop?<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Mario has joined #teens
<Mario> Hi r there ne hot gurls in here
<Coolguy3432> Sorry Mario, but the Princess is in another chatroom<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> (ahahahahahahahhahahahaha)
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><Spooky42> omg i just stabbed myself in the face with a corncob holder thing
<Funky_> hahahahahahah
<Funky_> is it bad?
<Spooky42> its bleeding a little..
<Funky_> <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif'><!--endemo-->
<Spooky42> i got butter on it too <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif'><!--endemo-->
<Funky_> ok...
<Funky_> so... WHY did you stab yourself in the face with a corncob holder thing?
<Spooky42> im not sure quite how it happened <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif'><!--endemo-->
<Funky_> WTH
<Funky_> you don't know how you stabbed yourself in the face?
<Spooky42> i was eating corn. and it slid out of the corncob and i went to slide it in real quick and it didnt line up with the previous holes and it slid off into my cheek
<Funky_> HAHAHAHAH
<Spooky42> it hurts!
<Funky_> sorry
<Funky_> It's just too funny
<Spooky42> i dropped my corn too!<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><Khaen> Oh boy, the sky is very #9966FF today!<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
ROFL!
Thing is #9966ff is purple... however its still funny <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->*** Now talking in #christian
-Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info
<Abstruse> !kjv numbers 22:21
<Word_of_God> Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ****, and went with the princes of Moab. - (KJV)
*** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au
*** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear)
<Abstruse> I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that...<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<dnc> glad i wasnt looking at hardcore pr0n<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><glome> Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?!
<content> glome stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
<glome> Who me?!
<content> Yes you!
<glome> Couldn't be!
<content> Then WHO?!!
<glome> Woody stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
*** glome has been kicked by DrWoody (screw* you i didn't touch the damn* cookie, loser*)<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
* edited for content (much better with the swears)
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->(morganj): 0 is false and 1 is true, correct?
(alec_eso): 1, morganj
(morganj): I hate you*.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
*This entire line consisted of one line, beginning in b, ending in d. Much funnier <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo--> .
<sipr> Where can I find information on dynamic data exchange?
<drano> 1994<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Friggin' awesome.
Somebody put one of my ramblings into bash a while ago, and it was along similar lines... <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
#111338 +(4055)- [X]
<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...
*snip* <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Sweet God that was funny.
Heres one:
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->
<AndrewLB_in_Chise> My mom saw me walking downstairs to the comp room with a box of kleenex and she just gave me this look. -.- I've never felt so dirty in my life...
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
*** Perz has joined #dorkydungeon
<Perz> YES!!!!!
<Perz> FINALLY CABLE!!!!!!!
<Perz> NO MORE GOD DAMN DISCONNECTS BECAUSE OF MY freaking MODEM!!!!1
<TormenT> yay <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
*** Perz has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
<TromenT> lol
<Th3No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<Th3No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<RageAgainsttheAmish> why the clown
<Th3No0b> See? no one cares about the jews
<RageAgainsttheAmish> lmao
---
<@Black_Dog> ryo: if you were a sheep, would you **** a sheep?
<@Ryo_Hayasa> BD: damn straight i would
<@Ryo_Hayasa> BD: or the farmer's daughter
---
"I'm going to name my kids Control, Alt, and Delete.
If they ever get to be a problem I'll just hit them all twice
Problem solved."
---
<Dark_Soul>Just because I'm from Canada doesnt mean I live in an igloo.
<Ralts>What, you freaking homeless?
---
< relnev> cool, this 8-page pdf has 3 pages intentionally left blank
< relnev> that's like a big waste of e-trees
---
<ohm> damn
<ohm> ****
<ohm> DAMN
<ohm> i was just in an AIM convo with a chick, and my grandmother's window pops up
<ohm> ****
<ohm> i go like this to her
<ohm> "i want to suck on your clit"
<ohm> ****
---
<superwoman> I had a boyfriend once that made me suck him off while I had a mouthful of beer.
<GrandCow> HAHAHAHA that was me ****!
<superwoman> DANNY?!?!?!
<GrandCow> MOM?!?!?!?!
---
<studdud> what the **** is WTH
---
<blazemore> LITTLETON, Colo. - Colorado officials plan to try a 15-year-old boy as an adult for allegedly offering a Sony PlayStation to have his aunt killed.
<FlipTopBx> is it modded?
---
<NES> lol
<NES> I download something from Napster
<NES> And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
<NES> I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
<NES> "getting my song back ****"
---
<Sui88> 67% of girls are stupid
<V-girl> i belong with the other 13%
---
<h|tler> HOW THE **** CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M 13 BY LOOKING AT WHAT I'M WRITEING?<!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo--><!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo--><!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo--><!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo--><!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo--><!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo--><!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo--><!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo--><!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo--><!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo--><!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo--><!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo--><!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo--><!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo--><!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo--><!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo--><!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo-->?
---
<Reverend> IRC is just multiplayer notepad.
---
<Sigurd> a sprite is anything not static
<SRElysian> a sprite is a variable object
<SRElysian> be it 2d or 3d
<TorMuck> a sprite is a freaking soda
<TorMuck> you god damn geekass ****
---
<skrike> I think the people above me are having sex
<skrike> either that or they're sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot.
---
<EvilerMonkey> what time zone u in
<Johntuan> canada
---
<[MI]Xealous> well, my friend invented the idea of "morning ****"
<[MI]Xealous> its like pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwhich
---
[-=VU=-] i wish i had enough space to breakdance <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif'><!--endemo-->
[XwHR] delete some stuff
---
<LightningX> I just got a message from SexyChick1242
<LightningX> I am so happy
<Ron-Ton> awesome
<LightningX> think there could be sex?
<Ron-Ton> If he takes his viagra
---
<Zax`away> BUT WHAT DOES GOD DO WHEN A KITTEN MASTURBATES!?
---
<Opcode> i was gonna call 911...but i was downloading a file
---
<frank> can you help me install GTA3?
<knightmare> first, shut down all programs you aren't using
frank has quit IRC. (Quit)
<knightmare> ...
---
<|NEO|> and she was sucking it so hard the sheets were going up my ****
---
<ugly> haikus are so ****
<ugly> they are just **** poems
<ugly> invented by japs
---
<@SPo0n> this morning my mate said he likes the word "****" because it "rolls off the tongue"
---
<Fina> After American Idol, they came out with The Sims : Superstar
<Fina> After this Harry Potter crap got popular, they came out with Makin' Magic
<Fina> lol What if next year we get a bunch of WW2 movies?
<Fina> The Sims : Hailin' Hitler
---
<g-core> Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long 1, Michael J. Fox has a little one, Madonna doesn't have one and the Pope has one but doesn't use it. What is it.
<pip> last name
<pip> no wait
<pip> ****
---
Mario has joined #teens
<Mario> Hi r there ne hot gurls in here
<Coolguy3432> Sorry Mario, but the Princess is in another chatroom
---
*** Now talking in #christian
-Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info
<Abstruse> !kjv numbers 22:21
<Word_of_God> Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ****, and went with the princes of Moab. - (KJV)
*** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au
*** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear)
<Abstruse> I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that...
---
#15 +(531)- [X]
<emufreak> I HATE CHANNEL TOPICS
<emufreak> WHY MUST THEY EXIST
<emufreak> AND WHY DO I STILL CLICK THEM WHEN THEY END IN .JPG
#18 +(859)- [X]
<TOZTWO> I was kinda shy, and still am, so right after sex, I started getting dressed before she could turn on the lights......
<TOZTWO> Well, she turns the light on, and I have my clothes on already, and she can't find her undies.......
<TOZTWO> But she finds my undies next to the bed.
<TOZTWO> Guess whose undies I'm wearing?
#22 +(253)- [X]
<`Xenocide> Bolstered by the state of Kansas' recent measure removing the requirement for the teaching of evolution in public schools, yesterday afternoon the Mississippi legislature passed a bill eliminating fractions and decimal points from the mathematics curriculum of all public secondary schools in the state.
[ L M A O ]
#23 +(219)- [X]
<Guilty> Oh god I just changed my pw and instantly forgot it
#33 +(452)- [X]
[17:05] *** D1 sets mode: +o C-Rock
<D1> oh wait, I was trying to kick you.
#43 +(774)- [X]
<Dr_DOS> Tupac Shakur sounds like a Protoss name.
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><@Ne[r]d> my father just walked behind me, and saw one of the buttons on the taskbar "AltaVista's Babe..." :O
<@Ne[r]d> he wanted to see it <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
<@Lizard> lol
<@Vader> lol
<@Vader> Sure, dad, translate away!<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->* St-Lemur puts pasta next to antipasti
<KCaesar> You FOOL! You'll kill us all!<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><Cecil> I keep on getting this error, it tells me to press "any" key, where the **** is the any key?
<A|LOCO> Right between the "jack" and "****" key<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><Deltan> I think that machine needs a reboot
<Deltan> Try to edit the net adapter properties. "An unexpected error has occured" with an OK button.
<Deltan> Where's the, "No it's not f---ing* OK" button.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
*edited
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><quintessential> HOLY CRAP*! SOMEONE JUST FIRED A FIRECRACKER ONTO MY BALCNONY
<kuntraver> heh
<quintessential> i should close teh door, but its not a noisy one, its just a sparkler on steroids i tink
<kuntraver> anyhoo, how are the submissions going?
<quintessential> ok, i just uploaded a batch yesterday
<quintessential> WTH
<kuntraver> ?
<quintessential> CRAP MY CAT IS ON FIRE!!!!!!<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
*edited
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><Speck> being able to type doesn't mean you're a computer nerd. It just means you have a higher intelligence than a turnip<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
For MonsE:
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><SlasherX> #php is all communist based
* @Didgerama drives a tank down the middle of #php
<Ballig> Didgerama: You're a commie, you can't afford a tank
<Ballig> You can ride a bicycle with a dart gun, though<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<a href='http://bash.org/?72721' target='_blank'>http://bash.org/?72721</a>
<Pyrate> I was downloading a hentai game, but it was slowing down my Harry Potter download, so I canceled it... I think I may be a little retarded
Really good this.
<a href='http://www.bash.org/?23396' target='_blank'>http://www.bash.org/?23396</a>
<Donut[AFK]> HEY EURAKARTE
<Donut[AFK]> INSULT
<Eurakarte> RETORT
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-RETORT
<Eurakarte> QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE
<Donut[AFK]> SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE **** UP
<Eurakarte> NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM
<Donut[AFK]> RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> ADDON RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> COUNTER-RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON
<Miles_Prower> RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES
<Eurakarte> WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD
<Miles_Prower> ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS
A bit dodgy...
<a href='http://www.bash.org/?100737' target='_blank'>http://www.bash.org/?100737</a>
Trauma Kittten: OMG
MY CAT JUST JIZZED ON ME
Trauma Kittten: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
lordviram: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
lordviram: WTH didi you do to it?
lordviram: i didnt know you were into all that
lordviram: lol
lordviram: wow
Trauma Kittten: well he's a longhair cat
Trauma Kittten: and sometimes his pants get matted
Trauma Kittten: so i was holding him on my lap
Trauma Kittten: and he was purring with his eyes closed and i'm like trying to untangle them
Trauma Kittten: then i realized one of the bunches wasn't a tangle, it was his nuts
Trauma Kittten: they both kinda feel the same
Trauma Kittten: then my hand gets a glob of clear stuff on it
lordviram: wow
Trauma Kittten: i'm gonna kill myself
lordviram: that's just
lordviram: hahahahaha
Trauma Kittten: i just jerked my cat off
lordviram: i'd say something but nothing can really add to the effect of admitting you just jerked off your cat
Trauma Kittten: heh....
Trauma Kittten: i'm surprised that one didn't make it to your profile heh
lordviram: that's cuz i'm gonna post that to bash.org
lordviram: LOL
Trauma Kittten: !
lordviram: ....wow
Trauma Kittten: OH NO
Trauma Kittten: the cat is back
Trauma Kittten: heh
lordviram: maybe it wants to return the favor
lordviram: heh
Trauma Kittten: well there was one site i saw where it recommended putting whipped cream on your clit and letting em lick it off
Trauma Kittten: but i wouldn' go that far, i don't think
lordviram: you dont think?
lordviram: o.0
lordviram: well. you did just jack off your cat.
Trauma Kittten: BUT I DIDN'T MEAN TO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
Trauma Kittten: i was just trying to make him have nice pants
lordviram: you are one freaky chick
What to name your kids
<a href='http://bash.org/?173460' target='_blank'>http://bash.org/?173460</a>
<Pixistix> I'm going to name my kids Control, Alt, and Delete.
<Pixistix> If they ever get to be a problem I'll just hit them all twice
<Pixistix> Problem solved.
Feminism
<a href='http://bash.org/?180081' target='_blank'>http://bash.org/?180081</a>
<kylev> BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<kylev> hahahahaha
<kylev> some girl just came onto our floor
<kylev> and was yelling "sexual favors for anyone who does my sociology paper"
<kylev> i just asked her what the paper was about
<kylev> and she said the accomplishments and growth of feminism
<`Neo> bahahahaha
The Final Solution
<a href='http://bash.org/?174774' target='_blank'>http://bash.org/?174774</a>
<Calvinosaur> I'm going to ethnically cleanse script kiddies. I'll call it "The Final Solution to the j00ish Problem."
Hokai, let us break open the archive...
I'll whack it in quotes to make it smaller <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo-->
Uh... heads up: this is a LONG one <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->
#90296 +(313)- [X]
<Esk|out> If You're Happy And You Know It - Bomb Iraq
<Esk|out> If you cannot find Osama,bomb Iraq.
<Esk|out> If the terrorists are frisky,
<Esk|out> Pakistan is looking shifty,
<Esk|out> North Korea is too risky,
<Esk|out> Bomb Iraq.
#7857 +(258)- [X]
[Hive] You know what really pisses me off? People who point at their wrist when asking for the time. Yeah, buddy, I know where my watch is. Where the **** is yours? Do I point at my **** when I ask for the bathroom?
#7842 +(250)- [X]
<Sandman> You know something? Burning hair reeks.
<Zibblsnrt> I think that's nature's way of telling you, "Don't set your hair on fire, goshdarn!"
#5275 +(57)- [X]
<zymurgy> #define NULL NULL /* because I can ****! */
#114724 +(188)- [X]
* +ramoth4 slaps politik with an unsigned long double
* +politik comes back with a _uint64 uppercut
* +ramoth4 pulls out a struct and returns fire
* +politik corrupts ramoth's heap
* +Fire_Elemental-Coding- ducks to avoid leaked memory
* +politik pops Fire_Elemental-Coding- square in the stack
* +ramoth4 stuffs politik's face in the bitbucket, and begins to operate on nil pointers
* +politik throws uncatchable exceptions around the room
* +ramoth4 dodges skillfully with his try-catch block
* +politik cuts off ramoth's private member
* +ramoth4 encapsulates the wound in a protected class
* +politik destroys all foes with up-casts to inappropriate derived classes!
* +politik is out of ideas
* +politik :: ~politik();
* +ramoth4 declares flipcode his namespace!
<+ramoth4> I win!
* +ramoth4 beat C++.
<+ramoth4> The last guy was hard.
#7848 +(276)- [X]
Damocles`: o/` we all live in a yellow double hulled boyancy controlled ship of war! o/`
Zibblsnrt smacks Damo for that <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo-->
Zibblsnrt: Damo: I and my comrades posess as our place of residence the interior of a mid-visible spectrum double-hulled buoyancy-controlled boat ofwar
Zibblsnrt: I can outobfuscate your sorry **** anyday >%)
Zibblsnrt dares someone to bloat that through another level. %)
Damocles`: o/` i and my comrades posess as our place of residence the interior of a mid-visible spectrum double hulled boyancy controlled ship of war!
E_of_C: The carbon-metabolizing physical presence that currently houses my conscious and those physical manefestations of my comrades all possess as our common residential abode the interior of a mid-visible spectrum double hulled buoyancy controlled ship of war!
#74629 +(34)- [X]
<PC^God> unix is user friendly. It's just picky about who it calls its friends
#23153 +(251)- [X]
<Nick^> CS!
<Nick^> CS!
<Nick^> CS!
<Nick^> CS!
<Nick^> CS!
<Nick^> CS!
<Mr_Day> I think Nick is trying to tell us something. What is it, boy? Is Timmy trapped down a well?
#154330 +(583)- [X]
<Lilt> I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
#6060 +(88)- [X]
<Disciple> nice, local computer club uses kerberos for password based access to the clubroom instead of a key.
<Disciple> if you give the wrong password, the door doesn't open. Instead the screen says "Kerberos bites you, kerberos bites you. You die."
#96343 +(101)- [X]
<bill``> I'm taking the AP calc test tomorrow--does anyone have any last minute tips?
<MSINISTER> dont put metal in a microwave!
<MSINISTER> good luck!
#12768 +(400)- [X]
<eltawater> anyone know the name of a (mathematical) function which calculates how many times a number M fits into a number N?
<eltawater> i.e. 20,4 = 5
<eltawater> ?
<Biddle> Division?
<AlleyCat> divisor
<eltawater> er
<eltawater> *smacks head into desk*
#119862 +(233)- [X]
<Bungie> You know porn has become an addiction when you are standing at the gas pump filling your bike and just before you top it off, you pull the hose out and spray it all over the tank.
#26636 +(196)- [X]
<Real^Quasar> anyway: my 56k is going half the speed it used to
<cts> it might be your line
<Threeboy> check if anyone is stepping on your wire
<Real^Quasar> hmm
<Threeboy> but don't put the modem to your face, cause they take thier foot off
<Threeboy> and you get sprayed with data.
<Real^Quasar> ...
#13813 +(232)- [X]
<Leo-chan> I have a large warehouse full of large weapons of mass destruction
<webrunner> Destroying mass is against the laws of thermodynamics!
<Leo-chan> screw the laws of thermodynamics!
* Leo-chan pulls out a perpetual motion machine
* webrunner stops the machine
* webrunner holds out a "Thermodynamics Police" badge
#72944 +(206)- [X]
<Mojokoko> phew... just jogged .6th of a mile
<@SJr> Mojokoko is that 1 and 2/3 miles?
<MarysKid> math not your major SJr?
<@SJr> actually it is <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
<MarysKid> LOL
<MarysKid> um... OK
<@SJr> that could mean 60% a mile, which would be wierd, or more accurately 1/.6
<@SJr> which works out to 5/3
<@SJr> since when someone says they jogged a 6th of a mile they jogged 1/6 miles, a 10th of a mile is 1/10 miles. So it strikes me that .6th of a mile is 1/.6
<Mojokoko> bah...
<Mojokoko> ill kick your mensa **** to alaska
#13407 +(135)- [X]
<@durin> wanting to work for redhat is like wanting herpies
<@KrON> theres no i in herpes
<@KrON> that sounds like a personal motto
#111522 +(110)- [X]
<Squidwerd> *sings* Ooooooooo-oh supersadomasochistinecrobestiality, it's when you get a **** making Lassie a fatality
#14249 +(189)- [X]
<andjusticeforall> I've figured it out. If you ever get mugged by someone, just say, "Take it easy man, all I got is a $16 bill", then knee him in the nuts when he tries to figure out what the **** you just said.
#341 +(343)- [X]
<Felon> What is a leet? Is that a type of ferret?
#12080 +(101)- [X]
<@charlie_x> i have a command line program on my pc called dont.com
<@charlie_x> if you type dont format c:\
<@charlie_x> it says
<@charlie_x> "ok i wont"
#47889 +(110)- [X]
<SA-MoP> damn. Its going to be a pain in the **** to find the movie "xxx" on kazaa when that comes out on dvd
#103251 +(128)- [X]
<Yuli> ...so anyway, I was all like "where's my coconuts man! I ordered em last week!"
<Yuli> and the guy just stared at me like "what the ****?"
<Yuli> so i was all like "whatever man, send them to my hut"
<Yuli> and I paddled away
#40508 +(236)- [X]
* rabid_si is going AFK.
* rabid_si is now known as rabid_si[AFK]
<DopeHat> Rabid is going to anally fist Kao.
<rabid_si[AFK]> Rabid_Si isn't here right now DopeHat.
* because_he_is_busy_wanking has joined #infinity
<because_he_is_busy_wanking> Rabid
<rabid_si[AFK]> Rabid_Si isn't here right now because_he_is_busy_wanking.
#163341 +(136)- [X]
<SheepyMuttonChops> Some kids in the UK were rushed to the hospital after taking viagra at their lunch period.
<SheepyMuttonChops> The Sun newspaper quoted a source at the school as saying: "By the time the afternoon lessons began, there was no hiding what they had done."
<SheepyMuttonChops> Haha best line ever.
#63086 +(64)- [X]
< PrincessLeia2> :q
< PrincessLeia2> oops
< TonicBH> what kind of face is that?
< PrincessLeia2> not a facey, I was trying to quit vim %(
#27535 +(64)- [X]
<Red_Draco> "See the Pope, $5. Ride the Pope, $10."
#125928 +(676)- [X]
<m[e]ntor> Does anyone know where I can buy 100 m of wireless lan cable?
<insight> Well, you could try NASA's "things not yet and never will be invented"-department or something.
#33653 +(28)- [X]
<Marecki> Ahh. Sorry. Thought you made "sickening" as in "making you want to puke"
<Dr_Octogon> lol
<noid|drunk> Well, it does make you want to puke.
<noid|drunk> And cry, and laugh.
<noid|drunk> And ****.
<Dr_Octogon> and ****?
<noid|drunk> And **** = and stuff
<noid|drunk> Not "HUUUUUUUUUUHNNNNNNNNGH"
#147549 +(136)- [X]
<klafka> ****-enlargement pills contain a less-than-sexy dose of bacteria and other contaminants
<Tecato> What's some contaminants when it comes to a bigger ****?
<klafka> what if your **** turns green?
<Tecato> Will it be big?
<klafka> monstrous
<Tecato> Then you could name it Hulk.
<Tecato> And before you have sex you could scream "HULK SMASH!"
#21202 +(217)- [X]
e l i t e m r p: <a href='http://www.worldpowers.net/canada/' target='_blank'>http://www.worldpowers.net/canada/</a>
reverend ine: 404
e l i t e m r p: yea =)
#6704 +(137)- [X]
<Expresso> I don't play alot of first persons hooters
#62519 +(55)- [X]
<_bryan_> its a good thing MS isn't in the condom business
#5048 +(61)- [X]
<l0wkey> i used to be a freelance gynecologist
#15614 +(41)- [X]
<GaRlic> how you like my new name?
<drunkers> it stinks
#27608 +(77)- [X]
<Tuxedocat> The other day i noticed some similarities between Willy Wonka's chocolate factory and a meth lab
<Tuxedocat> if you stay there a while you see some strange ****
<Tuxedocat> there's stuff that can kill you if you mess with it
<Tuxedocat> it's run by a strange guy who doesn't like visitors
#17091 +(126)- [X]
<Cyberllam> today has been about nothing but good news
<Cyberllam> earlier i found out that I was pregnant with twins
<juntog> are they mine?
<HaLLowCat> they better not be
<Cyberllam> no, but they can be, for the low, low price of 3 low payments of 29.95 each
#138386 +(261)- [X]
* tania has joined #maths
<tania> if i had a line on a graph, how would i know points (x,y,z) lie on the graph?
<LackLustre> ERR HERR HERRR SUB THEM INTO THE LINE EQUATIONS
<tania> and then what?
<LackLustre> MASTURBATE INTO A PAPER CUP!!!!!
<LackLustre> no, you're done, truthfully.
<tania> lol
<LackLustre> let's say i got a totally freaking crazy line like y = 3x + 2
<LackLustre> it sickens me to type it, but there we go
<LackLustre> is (2,1) on it?
* sabamacx rofls <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
<LackLustre> does 2 = 3.1 + 2
<LackLustre> NO IT freaking WELL DOESN'T
<LackLustre> SO **** YOU, LINE, **** YOU, POINTS
<sabamacx> we need more people like LackLustre, he's my golden ray for the day <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
#10456 +(43)- [X]
<Starscream> okay, you guys suck and blow simultaneously, making you all
excellent trumpet players.
#7452 +(73)- [X]
*** Now talking in #-[TF]-
*** Topic is '*** Denmark has quit Worldcup (Read error: Connection reset by England)'
#75946 +(70)- [X]
* Topic is '<Bush> Dude! Wheres My War?'
#6698 +(231)- [X]
<Fiction> man, I LOVE Sigue Sigue Sputnik so MUCH!!!!
<Fiction> they're almost as good as Catholic Discipline
<MaCk> then why don't you marry it
<Fiction> cause I want to marry you, Mack
<MaCk> ewh
<[enki]> I think you had that one coming, Mack.
<[enki]> Besides, I told you he'd get the wrong impression if you sent him those chocolates.
* Fiction makes moon eyes at mack
* [enki] shakes his head.
<[enki]> I knew this would happen.
* Fiction writes bad poetry about his love for mack
* [enki] preps the firehose.
* Fiction buys a harley and a tshirt that says: "if you can read this, Mack fell off" on the back
<Fiction> someday I'll buy you a cubic-zirconium ring and we can move to a trailer in Rock Springs Wyoming
<Fiction> we'll be so happy!
<[enki]> And you'll drive a 78 Camaro to work.
<Fiction> YEAH!
<Fiction> only "work" is hanging out at the local high school selling crank to teenagers
<MaCk> SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL OF YOU JUST SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
<MaCk> someone is going to die
<Fiction> and mack can learn how to make casseroles with potato chips in them
<[enki]> And get denim fringe jackets.
<Fiction> and we'll drink coors
<MaCk> I hate you guys
<Fiction> cheer up, I'll get some real wood panelling to put up in our trailer
<Fiction> or at least I'll tell you it's real
<Fiction> and we'll live on food stamps but have 300 channels of DirectTV
<MaCk> I hate you all
<Fiction> c'mon baby, you're hot with a capital HO!
<[enki]> LOL
*** MaCk has quit IRC
#46867 +(46)- [X]
<Freaky> y'know what i don't get...
<ButtMcFloyd> laid?
#166427 +(266)- [X]
<@Infinik> Hehe.
<@Infinik> I just took a call for the Samaritans
<@Infinik> Our phone numbers are one number apart
<@Infinik> So this guy was talking to me about some charity ****
<@Infinik> And I interrupted him
<@Infinik> "Would you excuse me for a moment?" "Sure." "HEY JULIO! I SAID DON'T LET THE JEWISH KIDS IN WITH THE HUMAN KIDS YOU ****!"
<@Infinik> He hung up <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
#40171 +(182)- [X]
tom: why do girls get grossed out when you say you've tried to suck your own ****?
Kanddak: lol
Kanddak: are you saying you've tried to suck your own ****
tom: today in journalism these girls tied my shoelaces together
tom: so I bend down to untie them
tom: and she pushes my head down
tom: and I'm like "believe me, I've tried about a million times, it's not going to work"
#13664 +(83)- [X]
<Mack_Salmon> do you ever listen to Meat Loaf?
<Flirbnic> No.
<Mack_Salmon> he's food....
<Mack_Salmon> er!
<Mack_Salmon> he's good
<Mack_Salmon> whoops
#99374 +(520)- [X]
<Kokanshu> does anyone else have the urge to call the operators up and say 'I NEED AN EXIT, FAST!'
#45221 +(28)- [X]
<xcham> I'm going to move to the middle east and start a gentleman's club
<xcham> and call it "the Gaza Strip"
#26602 +(89)- [X]
<%pan-chan^^> i need about 8+ hours of sleep
<+gabu> yes
<+gabu> but you're from australia
<+gabu> you sleep during the day
<+gabu> don't you ?
#22389 +(180)- [X]
<sortof> i need ducktape so i can take a shower
<DEZM> uhhhh
<DEZM> i dont want to know what you do with that
<sortof> i tape up my knob real good
<sortof> to keep it down
<DEZM> uhhhhhhhh
<sortof> noo on the shower
<sortof> the drain wont stay closed
#26638 +(189)- [X]
<greenocide> Had to give report over censorship today.
<greenocide> So I put in a pr0n vid and they made me turn it off.
<OniSlave> Did u get an A?
<greenocide> I hope so, cause they kept the video. **** teachers are probably wanking it right now.
#12795 +(191)- [X]
<Farnarcle> I think the last place I would like to be beamed is 'Up scotty'.
#948 +(262)- [X]
(jesdynf) I want an emulator that, every time you try to load a game, there's a 6% chance it pops up a dialog that says "It's not loading! Tap the A button to blow the dust out."
#72270 +(343)- [X]
<@X-G> ownage is such a capitalistic term.
<@X-G> YOUR **** WILL BE EVENLY DISTRIBUTED TO THE PEOPLE BASED ON NEED!!11~
#10162 +(79)- [X]
<Gygaxis> hitler: NO FAIR!!! ENGLANDS WALLHACKING!!!!1
#10702 +(329)- [X]
<Jubei301> So I walk into the room with the cat on my shoulder, facing backwards, and my stepdad is trying to watch TV, and I step in front of him, point at my cats ****, and say "ARG! shiver me timbers, its me one eyed parrot" and he laughed for a long time....my mom was just staring at me like im some kind of pervert.
<Jubei301> What? doesnt everyone use their cats brown-eye for their punchlines?
#28167 +(153)- [X]
<worksoufy> man i need to eat
<Trak3r> that's "yoda" speak for "i need to eat a man"
<worksoufy> sick **** you are
#86848 +(368)- [X]
<cali310> I heard the most ridiculous comment ever made by a newscaster last night on fox........
<cali310> He said, "the Iraqis have hundreds of seasoned suicide bombers"
<cali310> How in the **** does one become a seasoned suicide bomber?
<Moogs> Matrix Reloaded is a very different kind of film from the original, both in style and theme. The first movie posed the question, "What is the nature of reality?" The question for this movie is, "Do French people ever stop talking?" - MacHall
<WrexSoul> Or perhaps, "Why is Colonel Sanders sitting in a room full of TVs?"
<wombat> Bukkake is when a Mommy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy all decide that Mommy needs some special facial moisturiser
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Here's the only one I could find:
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><MonsieurEvil> Jedisar, what have I told you about using that steam-powered Commodore 64 for playing NS?
<MonsieurEvil> OMG I NEED MORE W00D CHIPZ0R!!!!!
<MonsieurEvil> D00DZ MORE CO4L FOR MEH PUT3R!<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Oh, and the thread was "only the best," not "everything I can find and copy-paste olo."
<other guy> I wouldn't know, I install all my software with a magnetized needle and a sturdy hand
<someone> how big is half life?
<other guy> <|--------------|>
<other guy> (not to scale)
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->#5273 +(6024)- [X]
<erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo--> (yes, this is what I will be like when I get an actual job <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->)
[Edit]
gotta love the fact that I had a bugger all hard time finding that quote ussing search....
Then go to the top 50 and realize it is #1 <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
[/edit]
<Kosh> in LotR all the elves sailed to the "undying lands" to the west. Continental drift caused those lands to move further north and eventually they were left to spend eternity making toys for their new red-suited overlord
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
sometimes the new ones are good <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->