Can A Relationship Ever Be Unrepaired?

MoquiaoMoquiao Join Date: 2003-05-09 Member: 16168Members
in Off-Topic
<div class="IPBDescription">is there things which cant be changed?</div> ok the long and the short of this thread is i havent slept in like 72 hours now...

ok well first ill say some background... around 4-5 months ago i split with my g.f we claimed it was bc things werent working.. but the real reason.. was i couldnt get over the fact i walked in on her sleeping with my best friend. in my bed.

and then i met somebody else. somebody who made me think maybe i wasnt scrwed. this didnt last long before this person got in a fit and told me to **** off for no actual reason.

then i went back to my roots something i left a year before. to please my ex and i met this new girl. and she.. now she changed my life.. she made me genuinly believe in myself again.. i spent the entire summer indoors playing NS.. and while this isnt a bad thing.. i like.. its not me. i mean i play alot of games.. but i was playing for 8-10 hours a day.. i had no confidence. and she changed all of that, and now something has happened.. something which ruined that.. she sent me something.. it made me feel like all special... like unique cos she wouldnt do it for just anyone.. and now.. it turns out.. that b4 me.. there was 3 others... and its like.. although it was before me and it didnt matter.. but its like.. our whole relationship built form that cos i was so touched.. and so its like.. all we have is built on a lie.. and i havent slept.. i cant get over it.. and i think it may have ruined us...

i really am in love with this girl.. but its like.. that love which i have was built on a lie if that makes any sense.. it would be all too simple to say 'get over it' so please only reply if you have something which may help the matter...
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Comments

  • Ph0enixPh0enix Join Date: 2002-10-08 Member: 1462Members, Constellation
    I buy a lot of flowers and little gifts for my girlfriend. If i'm ever to split up with her and I end up with somebody else somewhere down the line, i'm sure i'll do precisely the same thing, cos i'm an hopeless romantic that way <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo--> Does that make it any less special ?

    Look at it this way, even after breaking up three times with boyfriends, shes still willing to do the same little things with you as she did with them.
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  • 2of12B0RG2of12B0RG Join Date: 2002-12-21 Member: 11285Members
    Look, damn some women. They are evil creatures most of the time. They can be cool sometimes though.

    They probably think the same thing about men.
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  • MoquiaoMoquiao Join Date: 2003-05-09 Member: 16168Members
    yeah, that does make alot of sense.. but the thing is.. ok well it was a picture.. with her saying 'sweet dreams tommy' on it.. and i knew her cam was a **** and so it was like hard to do..

    but she had done it for 3 others.. thats annoying.. but yeah.. fair enough.. but the thing is.. she said they didnt mean anything.. and that she really didn care about them.. that is what kills
    she didnt even care about them... so me thinking it means alot... is just like nothing...
    its like. well did it mean anything for me?

    i mean yeah i do get what your saying but its the fact that she said it didnt matter and she was just being stupid with them.. its like.. well thats freaking marvelous.. how do I feel now?

    it was the thing which made me fall for her and its like.. not the fact that she did it for other guys.. its the fact she did it for other guys.. and it meant nothing..

    thankyou guys.. its like.. even tho 99% of you wont give a ****.. this is actually helping.. like i think i have narrowed it down to what is wrong..

    and its the way in which i was told it also.. buy this total **** who i hate.. and he told me he had it.. and i was like meh w/e cos she wouldnt do that to me.. and so he emailed them to me. and she DID do it.. and right there.. me feeling special got sucked out...

    and its the fact that the guy can do it.. he can go on his pc and look at that picture with his name on and he told me he felt like she liked him.. and it kills me.. cos it meant nothing.. but they think it does... is that me? am i the same as him? and it got anotehr 2 good friends of mine dragged into it, and one of them is this guys lover type of person and so now this has confused her... and i feel all sorry.. and im so sorry she had to be involved she doesnt deserve it.

    the whole situation sucks.. i understand people have history.. i do.. but i was so 100% that she didnt have this history and that i was unique with it if that makes any sense..
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  • MoquiaoMoquiao Join Date: 2003-05-09 Member: 16168Members
    Phoenix. seriously my personal thanks to you mate. i just kept rereading what you said...

    it really is in the past. and you helped get that into my head.. i mean it doesnt matter what anyone does.. i have criminal records.. from when i was off teh rails.. but i get upset when jobs turn me down because of it... so this is the same...

    Thankyou phoenix. for real.

    and thankyou NSforums.. i probarbly got too personal.. but anyone who does know me.. meh i guess im sorta 'deep' and its nice to have a place where you can open up without getting bitched at... Thankyou everybody

    <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->

    and oh yeah
    Esuna likes to lick horses. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
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  • TenSixTenSix Join Date: 2002-11-09 Member: 7932Members
    Sounds like a chick I know from IRC. Sweet talks everyone until they think they are her one and only. Of course, they arent, they don't know who is. She did almost exactly the same thing as your saying, pretty much leading people on.

    Collide head with brick wall, because I have no idea what to tell you. She could be a phsycho, she could have some perverted mixed up meaning of friendship. She would likely be just as happy being friends, whatever that might mean to her. You could just meet her in person and ask her flat out what the hell she is doing (not in an accusatory way, in a "what the hell??" sort of way), which would answer alot more of your questions than this.

    For future reference, all girls are evil until proven innocent.
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  • KhaimKhaim Join Date: 2002-06-28 Member: 841Members, NS1 Playtester, Constellation
    someone should give pheonix some interesting member title <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo--> Like love doctor or something silly like that <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->.
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  • BirdyBirdy Join Date: 2003-05-29 Member: 16825Members, Constellation
    edited November 2003
    Must be pretty hard to think you are special for her and finding out she did the same thing to a couple others.
    I don't really know what to say to help ya but if you want to talk, i'm here for you.

    Phoenix, you rule <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
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  • DiscoZombieDiscoZombie Join Date: 2003-08-05 Member: 18951Members
    also, you said you've had at least two girlfriends before her right? does this girl know about them? maybe she'd feel just as hurt, knowing you're not her first and only...

    The older you get, the harder it is to find someone who's never had a relationship before... some people say that your "first love is special" but I don't think this is entirely the case. I know a girl whose first love turned out to be ****, for instance.

    The fact is, this girl you're in love with has a reason for not being with the people she sent that to. Either they dumped her or she dumped them, but either way, there was something about her previous relationships that couldn't be fixed, and now she chooses you. That's what's important, so you have nothing to be scared of.

    She didn't send out those cute images to just anyone, did she? I mean, were they only to ex-boyfriends, or were they to guys she wasn't even going out with? If they were to guys she wasn't even going out with, maybe she IS a flirt and a tease and you DO have cause for concern... if that's the case, I'd suggest confronting her about it... I mean, is it possible she's making other people fall in love with her at the same time, because she likes the attention? I don't want to feed your paranoia, but I don't wanna see a fellow romantic guy get hurt, so trust your instinct. If you think she's true, don't worry. If you fear she's not, confront her.

    That's my advice.
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  • Spyder_MonkeySpyder_Monkey Vampire-Ninja-Monkey Join Date: 2002-01-24 Member: 8Members, NS1 Playtester, Contributor
    I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks about things like that... just the way you typed out your thoughts in a "love's ramble" sort of way makes me smile.


    Hell, I used to dwell on things like that... and now I'm happily married to mine. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
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  • xioutlawixxioutlawix Join Date: 2002-11-05 Member: 7118Members, Constellation
    Sounds like you're really just looking for a girl to worship you and make you feel unique, just as a general observation though. I think perhaps that's something you need to come to terms with for yourself, no one's opinion of you matters as much as that of yourself. Its near impossible to find a woman who doesn't have a history, who hasn't recycled some of the old tricks and uses them from time to time on new love interests should the opportunity arise. You have to suck it up and not judge the action by how many times its potentially been done already, but on the intent of the act. She's obviously doing it because she cares about you and knows it'll make you happy inside, evaluate it from that perspective. What matters is the now, not what she's done in the past. I believe in always giving people the benefit of the doubt as well. If I've never caught someone lying to me in the past, there's no reason for me to distrust them until they prove me wrong. Just a few general obserations <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
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  • Smoke_NovaSmoke_Nova Join Date: 2002-11-15 Member: 8697Members
    From my limited experience...well, very limited experience:

    Does she know that you have had two previous girlfriends? Does she know if you have done anything to/for her that you did to/for your ex's? Does she know if they have any lasting memories? The blame can't be 100% hers, as you sound just a little paranoid about her. Calm down, take a breath and relax. If she has done anything, there is nothing you can do to fix it. Just sit down and talk to her.
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  • Owen1Owen1 Join Date: 2003-04-13 Member: 15457Members
    i'm gonna give u a few options...

    1.) go insane and tell her
    2.) go to a strip club, with sum m8s, and get hammered
    3.) if she sleeps around a bit, break it off. while you may care for her, she doesn't care for you, you've gotta pull yourself outta self pitty and confront her CALMLY about it.
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  • MoquiaoMoquiao Join Date: 2003-05-09 Member: 16168Members
    well wow alot more replys


    firstly yeah phoenix rocks <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo--> secondly im glad at least one person (spyder) can relate to me..

    im not looking for a girl to worship me.. but im looking for a girl who will call me her one and only

    and i have slept with 9 girls dated a couple more.. and we have discussed that b4

    and yeah smoke nova i am paranoid.. cos we dont get to be together for 42 days from now.. and its hard.. we are in how you say a long distance relationship.. London > NY so yeah.. you could say its alot easier to worry when your lover is 2000 miles away


    we have spoken about it.. and talked about it.. and yeah the pics were for other people not people she felt close to.. was just for a laugh.. and she feesl bad for it.. which in a way made me feel better its like.. you know you done wrong..

    and yeah she knows everything.. we had a huge chat this afternoon.. and its like..
    ok the pics were done.. so what? i have done other stuff for past girlfriends.. im a romantic.. its what i do... so like.. yeah.. i AM still as special as i thought.. and as special as that picture made me.. i mean.. it was for ME and it had my name on it.. and all the emotion that goes with it
    and the I Love you and yeah

    Thx you guys

    <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
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  • GreyPawsGreyPaws Join Date: 2002-11-15 Member: 8659Members
    Personal development comes from within. If what she said helped you make progress, YOU made the progress, not her. The fact that your idea of who she is doesn’t change what you did for yourself (with her guidance I suppose) If you were to get therapy, and your therapist would help you, and later you found out that said therapist did the same fore several other people, it wouldn’t change the fact that you yourself were "healed." The real question for you is this "Do I want to make things work with this person?" relationships (the strongest ones) occur when two people have a genuine desire to make things work.

    The past helps us shape who we are, but we help shape our future (sounds cheesy, but fundamentally it works)


    Bottom line is you gained something from knowing this person, the fact that her past was different that you had initially believed doesn’t change that. Decide if she is worth working thing out for, and if she isn’t, thank her (or don’t) and move on.

    <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.natural-selection.org/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->

    Best wishes
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  • lolfighterlolfighter Snark, Dire Join Date: 2003-04-20 Member: 15693Members
    72 hours is no time to go without sleeping, the mind starts acting very funny. I'd get some sleep if I were you, it means a world of difference. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
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  • EpidemicEpidemic Dark Force Gorge Join Date: 2003-06-29 Member: 17781Members
    Well, personally I can see why you are disappointed. But I dont think that she did (what?) to her other boyfriends should mean anything. She sounds like a lovely person though <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->

    Anyway, _GET_ some sleep man, before you collapse
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  • MoquiaoMoquiao Join Date: 2003-05-09 Member: 16168Members
    im watching the hulk now then bed <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->

    and the thing which bugged me was they werent boyfriends... :/

    but yeah its in the past now

    thanks for the pm bulgar menace
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  • Vulgar_MenaceVulgar_Menace Join Date: 2003-10-29 Member: 22118Members
    edited November 2003
    once i went around that time without sleep, ya know what i remember? <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>NOTHING</span> i was so messed up, i was told i had a shouting match with an armchair of sorts, but I think they are lying.

    EDIT: haha, im bulgar
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  • DiscoZombieDiscoZombie Join Date: 2003-08-05 Member: 18951Members
    holy crap, slept w/ 9 people by age 18? I'm more than a little behind... sounds like SHE'S the one who needs to be worried, not you =P

    as for not seeing each other for 42 days... well, after 42 days, is she back for good? or just for a couple weeks or what? because I can't imagine maintaining that kind of long distance relationship... I mean, I've had enough trouble maintaining relationships one or two states away... and since you've... well, been around the block... um... could you stay faithful for 42 days? <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo--> maybe the crush will be over by then anyway...
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  • Dr_ShaggyDr_Shaggy Join Date: 2002-09-26 Member: 1340Members, Constellation
    Watch Chasing Amy if you haven't already done so (the definitive movie on this topic). Forget what she's done in her past and be happy for what she's done for you. Many a neurotic guy has ruined a relationship for worrying about the past.
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  • MoquiaoMoquiao Join Date: 2003-05-09 Member: 16168Members
    <!--QuoteBegin--DiscoZombie+Nov 19 2003, 12:15 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (DiscoZombie @ Nov 19 2003, 12:15 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> holy crap, slept w/ 9 people by age 18? I'm more than a little behind... sounds like SHE'S the one who needs to be worried, not you =P

    as for not seeing each other for 42 days... well, after 42 days, is she back for good? or just for a couple weeks or what? because I can't imagine maintaining that kind of long distance relationship... I mean, I've had enough trouble maintaining relationships one or two states away... and since you've... well, been around the block... um... could you stay faithful for 42 days? <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo--> maybe the crush will be over by then anyway... <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    lol DZ are you calling me a man **** lol

    i guess i have my fair share of experience.. and every girl meant alot to me... but compared to this girl... they mean nothing... i wish i could just go /load -rs virginity.mrc

    and put it back again just to lose it again with this girl... and no she has nothing to worry about
    nothing atall

    and the trip in 42 days.. is planned for two weeks... but we are expecting the very possible and realistic fact of her staying...
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  • ZigZig ...I am Captain Planet&#33; Join Date: 2002-10-23 Member: 1576Members
    i think disco zombie is one of the wisest posters at this forum.
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  • DiscoZombieDiscoZombie Join Date: 2003-08-05 Member: 18951Members
    woo, I'm glad somebody thinks so <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->

    *gush*

    like I said in the Eric Clapton thread, we missed you, man =P what were you banned for?

    perhaps this isn't the place to discuss it...
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