I need some feedback

mark_necmark_nec Join Date: 2002-06-20 Member: 802Members
hey can yall tell me if this is good or not?
i havent finished it yet and it still doesnt have a name but i cant decide to scrap it or keep goin...

Through all the times of pain,
And all that comes our way,
Ill still be here the same,
The same as when you came,

Through all those sleepless nights,
And all those awful sights,
We will still be hand in hand,
The same as we began,

Just pushing back the hate,
The wall that separates,
Holding on to faith,
With a love that never breaks…

Comments

  • KassingerKassinger Shades of grey Join Date: 2002-02-20 Member: 229Members, Constellation
    "Through all the times of pain,
    And all that comes our way,
    Ill still be here the same,
    The same as when you came,"

    I would avoid using the word 'same' more than once here.
    And fix 'Ill'.

    Try to make alternate versions, compare and fix. And always remember:"There is no good writing, only good re-writing."
  • mark_necmark_nec Join Date: 2002-06-20 Member: 802Members
    ok. thanks man.  i like that "There is no good writing, only good re-writing"
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