Well, This Sucks.
Legionnaired
Join Date: 2002-04-30 Member: 552Members, Constellation
Join Date: 2002-04-30 Member: 552Members, Constellation
in Off-Topic
<div class="IPBDescription">Just your normal teenage angst thread.</div> I'm posting this at 1:40 AM EST. This can't be good.
Basicly, here's the deal. A little over two weeks ago, I finally got together with the girl I've had a crush on for the last six months, basicly since I've met her. I can't tell you just how elated I felt when she said she'd go out with me, just that feeling that someone out there cares about you.... I guess most of you guys know how that is. She's attractive, she's intellegent, she's very spiritual, basicly everything I'd ever be looking for in a girl.
Well, tonight, after our church meeting, we took a walk. A lot of things were said, we talked for a good 45 minutes. Basicly though, what it all boiled down to, was that she didn't want to date (me) anymore.
The issue isn't taht she doesn't like me, or that I don't like her. I care about her very much, and I let her know that, and she has the same feelings about me. It's not that our schedules don't work out(although that was a major stumbling block to get to where we were), and it's not that we have other outside conflicts that are getting in the way.
Plain and simple, short and sweet, it's because she just plain doesn't want to date me. Doesn't have a burden for it, she says. I asked her if it'd be better for her if we weren't to date, she said yes, so we broke up. Wasn't a horrible deal, wasn't a heated argumet full of he-said she-said BS, but it did the job. I feel like ****.
Something that a lot of you people have to know about me. I'm a religious dude, I'm not after her for the action, I'm not after her for anything superficial, I just want to get into her life, and I want her to get into mine. Call it building a close friendship, but that's what I'm after. Basicly letting her know that if her car broke down 3 hours away from here at midnight before finals, that she could call me and I would drive down to wherever and pick her up. That's how I feel about her. Maybe it's not the most healthy feeling to have for someone I've known for only 7 months, but it's there.
Anyway, back to that religion bit. I don't care, frankly, right now, what your beliefs are. I don't care how you feel about God, but I believe that he is there, he is real, and that everything that happens relly, in the end, has to be his will.
If I didn't believe than my life would just be a porkly little kid from Ohio getting **** up the **** by the universe.
But, to the bottom line, here's my quandry, right now. For one, I've got this girl who (did I mention I can see her house from my living room, where I sit?) likes me, who is attracted to my personality, but, plain and simple, doesn't want to date me. She probably has all the justification in the world, and we were starting to get into that when we got interrupted, but it still stings.
And, of course, I turn to God for comfort, but all I feel is a feeling of... emptyness. It's like I have a hard time feeling sad, I have a hell of a hard time feeling happy about all this mess. I'm not angry and I'm not bitter. I just can't explain what I feel. It's like there's nothing inside of me except being dissapointed that it diddn't work out the way I want, and for some reason, I'm not feeling that extreme about it.
I'm just.... feeling empty. Hollow. Like something that was once inside me isn't there anymore.
Maybe one of you insomniacs can give me a hand with this. It's 2:00 AM now. I don't really fell like sleeping, so I'll probably just sit here all night.
Basicly, here's the deal. A little over two weeks ago, I finally got together with the girl I've had a crush on for the last six months, basicly since I've met her. I can't tell you just how elated I felt when she said she'd go out with me, just that feeling that someone out there cares about you.... I guess most of you guys know how that is. She's attractive, she's intellegent, she's very spiritual, basicly everything I'd ever be looking for in a girl.
Well, tonight, after our church meeting, we took a walk. A lot of things were said, we talked for a good 45 minutes. Basicly though, what it all boiled down to, was that she didn't want to date (me) anymore.
The issue isn't taht she doesn't like me, or that I don't like her. I care about her very much, and I let her know that, and she has the same feelings about me. It's not that our schedules don't work out(although that was a major stumbling block to get to where we were), and it's not that we have other outside conflicts that are getting in the way.
Plain and simple, short and sweet, it's because she just plain doesn't want to date me. Doesn't have a burden for it, she says. I asked her if it'd be better for her if we weren't to date, she said yes, so we broke up. Wasn't a horrible deal, wasn't a heated argumet full of he-said she-said BS, but it did the job. I feel like ****.
Something that a lot of you people have to know about me. I'm a religious dude, I'm not after her for the action, I'm not after her for anything superficial, I just want to get into her life, and I want her to get into mine. Call it building a close friendship, but that's what I'm after. Basicly letting her know that if her car broke down 3 hours away from here at midnight before finals, that she could call me and I would drive down to wherever and pick her up. That's how I feel about her. Maybe it's not the most healthy feeling to have for someone I've known for only 7 months, but it's there.
Anyway, back to that religion bit. I don't care, frankly, right now, what your beliefs are. I don't care how you feel about God, but I believe that he is there, he is real, and that everything that happens relly, in the end, has to be his will.
If I didn't believe than my life would just be a porkly little kid from Ohio getting **** up the **** by the universe.
But, to the bottom line, here's my quandry, right now. For one, I've got this girl who (did I mention I can see her house from my living room, where I sit?) likes me, who is attracted to my personality, but, plain and simple, doesn't want to date me. She probably has all the justification in the world, and we were starting to get into that when we got interrupted, but it still stings.
And, of course, I turn to God for comfort, but all I feel is a feeling of... emptyness. It's like I have a hard time feeling sad, I have a hell of a hard time feeling happy about all this mess. I'm not angry and I'm not bitter. I just can't explain what I feel. It's like there's nothing inside of me except being dissapointed that it diddn't work out the way I want, and for some reason, I'm not feeling that extreme about it.
I'm just.... feeling empty. Hollow. Like something that was once inside me isn't there anymore.
Maybe one of you insomniacs can give me a hand with this. It's 2:00 AM now. I don't really fell like sleeping, so I'll probably just sit here all night.
Comments
Comments, helpful words of advice, whatever.
I'm not sure where you live exactly, but heck, go for a walk. It calms me a bit; weird thing is I use to set my alarm clock for around 3 AM after a bad night, and even though by the time I had already been calm from sleep, I would go out anyways. It's nice to be able to jay-walk as much as you want...
And while my spirtual life is at an all-time low, (I'm currently in that teen phase between continuing Christianity and becoming an Atheist), the message that always stays alive is that God never gives you more than you can bear.
I hope someone else along this board can give you better advice, cause I'm the worse person to be asking for advice right now. And on the topic of teen angst, I have a crappy flash animation coincidentally tied to angst, (the school-type though). Not sure if you'll understand what I was going for, but here it is anyways:
<a href='http://www3.telus.net/confuzor/PROJECT.html' target='_blank'>The Average Angst of Your Average Messed up Teen</a>
Also, if you want an interesting read on male-female social interaction, <a href='http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html' target='_blank'>http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html</a>
I pray that this guy's theory isn't failsafe, but he's got a convincing arguement.
Summary: She burned you, politely. Oh well, at least you got to date her. Live&learn, mate.
Confuzor- you're an intelligent chap, you'll figure out this religious debate on your own. Get lots of opinions and points of views from as many sides as possible. I really got a laugh out of the Baptists and Hinduists, personally. But after years of exploration, self-examination, I'm pretty sure I'm not made in God's image, that the Proletariat is controlled by religion (some of it, at least), and that a higher power exists. Too many things happen as "coincedences" for comfort. Live&learn, again. The only hard fact I can tell you, is that if you doubt, don't be afraid to ask, and if they can't answer, look for [an answer], if you don't find one... you're looking in the wrong places.
In any case. I'm not really feeling like i want to sleep, maybe I'll just play some music until 5 then head to bed for an hour or so of nappy-time before school tomorrow.
Confuzor, we've all been in that phase where we don't know wether we want to keep our faith or not. Certainly, there's stuff out there that's much more stimulating than the bible. Or, at least, a lot more instantly gratifying. We all feel the need to go out to go test-drive the world. You have to ask yourself though, if the place God has placed you now is less important than sex, or drugs, or whatever your vice is.
I'm afraid I'm not in a position to much help you out. I'll see what I can do tomorrow.
I think I'm just going to pray about it for a while. I'm going to talk to my discipler first thing after school, and talk to <i>her</i> later on... today, I guess. I don't know quite what I'll say... maybe I'll get a flash of insight before then.
Sorry you're not doing too well spiritually confuzor. I find that prayer helps, but really, if you can find someone you trust to talk to about this, maybe an older believer, they'll give you much better advice than I could possibly give.
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I think maybe you've just nailed it. She doesn't want anything more from me emotionally... Guess i just have to swallow it and move on. Just hope I can learn something from this.
/me cries. Man, I missed out on my teenage years, didn't I? Just remember-if you didn't do it during High School, you can always make up for lost time in college. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
As for the quest for finding your "spirituality" I find it's more of a quest for defining "who am I" rather than "what do I believe," but all final decisions should be made on the end that has to live with those decisions.
[edit] as for relationships, all the knowledge of dating theory, opposite behavior studies&analyzation, and whatnot, will not allow you to get dates more often. It always ends up your fault, whether you date someone or not, whether they are attracted to you for your looks, your brain, your braun, your wit, your wallet. I say that meaning this: Girl A looks at boy B, is not physically attracted to him, so flirts with Guy A, who looks cuter and doesn't say as much. You can do things about this, like not talk as much, or talk more, or become more attractive in some form or fashion.
I speak from experience, I spent a year in Germany and learned a lot about human social behavior from their more (sexually, relationship-wise, socially) open society. I took all this knowledge back with me to the US, tied it in with what I already knew, got a girlfriend, and **** off 3 other girls (by not going out with them, in this very closed social environment known as the US).
That said, my friends had a bet going to see how long it'd take me to get a girlfriend up here. My friends all lost; I have remained physically unattached from everyone I've met up here. It's my choice, and I'm pretty happy with it (when I'm not seeing what I'm missing, like now.)
I will now close this with a very off-topic but very important message: <b>never compromise your morals, ever</b>. Don't do it, it's not worth it, and in the end if that's how you're selling yourself (see above), then you're going about it in the wrong way, start over. [/edit]
I just felt hollow... I never really had any real feelings towards people, but... It's just that I'm a weird kind of person... But I'm not here totalk about myself... :/
Anyway, buddy... Forget about her. That's the best idea I can give you. Erase her out of your life. Nod her as you meet her on the street, have a friendly chat with her... Just don't let it kill you. If you do that, there's no damn god that'll help you (if there was any, aynway...)...
So, cheer up, hollowness is a good thing. It's a skin protecting you from despair and sadness. Look at your family, friends and get a brighter look on things. Everything passes eventually...
Ask youself though. If you died tomorrow, would you want everyone saying that "He partied hard." or that "He was a man of great faith, I will miss him."
Anyway, RPG....... No.
I don't want to cut her out of my life. Sorry about your girlfrind. You have to understand though, all my friends are her friends. We see each other at church-related funtions twice a week, she lives 5 doors down, and she's one of the strongest women I've ever met. If I can't get her as a girlfriend, then I sure as hell am going to have her as a friend.
I'd be a fool not to.
Thanks guys. You gave me some perspective. Get some sleep guys. Peace be with you.
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Actually, I would strongly perefer people remembering me from my character and actions. Certainly NOT from belief! That would really cause me to turn in my grave... :/
Anyway, I respect your decision. I just gave you an idea from my own mind... And, as I said, I don't really consider myself "normal". My feelings sometimes become a monster and entangle me...
Anyway, try to live your life as best as you can. Remember, there are a LOT of people out there that share your compasions, knowledge and belief...
I suggest you sleep this over.. Don't think about it too much. Right now, I'm terribly obsessed with something (which in case, isn't quiet normal) and it's driving me mad... So, don't let it take advantage of you.
Good luck!
It just annoys the hell out of me that along with finding the answer, you have to contend with so much other crap. I'm getting tired and lazy trying to find an answer. My simple arguement goes somewhere along the lines of, "If the "answer" is all that really matter in the end, why the **** do we have to contend with all this other superficial crap? (i.e., school, work, etc.). The answer should be simple enough: we weren't meant to be hermits. The outside world is there the shape us to be better tools, and at the same time, as tools, we help others in need. But damn it, I sometimes feel that it's stunting my growth rather than developing it. Oh and not to mention that I'm hypocritical as well. This was actually a long weekend for me, as I have Victoria Day tomorrow. Friday was a day well spent: went with friends to see Matrix and got home with extra sleep. But then Saturday; while I intend to start with my homework, I sidetrack like mad, (NS forums is one of the culprits... :( ), and thus, I get nothing done. Same with Sunday, heck even after skipping church, I still have almost nothing done. So basically today will be a cram day for me. I can't prioritize worth squat either; I think it currently goes like this:
1. Waste time on Internet
2. School Work
3. Relax from hard work by playing games through Internet
4-9. Obscure crap that my brain will somehow manage to conceive
10. Spirtuality
NO BLOODY WONDER I DON'T HAVE TIME TO FOCUS ON MY SPIRTUALITY.
Currently, my tries to get back on track are pretty feeble as well. A little sting, and I'm back on recession street. Prayer has seemed to be quite useless for me, and it's not like I treat it as a personal "wish list" either. Oh well, I'll take another shot at it. Time to do work now...