The saratoga

Sgt_X

<div class="IPBDescription">Infestation of a frigate.</div>This story is about a patrol ship belonging to one of the small governments in the Ardiane Arm. <a href="http://www3.telus.net/peaches/saratoga.html" target="_blank">The Infestation of the Sartoga</a>

Sgt_X

BTW if anyone wants to make a map for this they can e-mail me @<a href="mailto:sgt_x_ct_t@hotmail.com">sgt_x_ct_t@hotmail.com</a> to discuss it. I'd make one myself but my skills just aren't anywhere up to par. I'm planning on making extior pics.
***Spoiler***
if i did map it i'd have the hives in the engine, the bridge and that maintence junction. Have marines come in engineering near were the jury-rigged comm unit is.

ChromeAngel

The first fanfic i've read in ages and a bloody good one at that.

RhoadsToNowhere

Not bad, it's interesting and very well detailed.  However, one thing that rubs me the wrong way (har har) is your use of "coarse" instead of "course."  If this had been only once or twice, I probably would've ignored it, but I don't think I saw "course" at all.  The dialogue is a little stilted and unnatural, but other than that I think it's cool.

Sgt_X

there is a reason spelling helped drop my mark, and yes i realy wasn't tring with the dialogue. I'm going to write a sequel from a norm point of view.

SentrySteve

I thought when Capt. Howder told Ens. Jorcel that the space station was there, Ens. Jorcel's reponse was a little odd.  "Ens. Jorcel: I don’t care what you say sir, it won’t change what these sensors are telling me." I dont think an Ens. would say <i>that</i> to a Capt.  I also thought that "All escape pods have been disabled to prevent the spread of alien life-forms." was a little silly.  Becuase when/if the aliens compeletly take control of the ship I am sure they will be able to undo the esc. pods being locked down.  Then when Cmmdr. Harry says "Ok lets see if we can get one of those escape pods working and get out of here." that just rubbed me the wrong way mainly becuase the ship just said they were closed down, even though they should not have been.  Other than those very small things, this was a GREAT story and I hope you can make more!

<!--emo&:asrifle:--><img src="http://www.natural-selection.org/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/asrifle.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':asrifle:'><!--endemo-->  <!--emo&:tiny:--><img src="http://www.natural-selection.org/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tiny.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':tiny:'><!--endemo-->

Sgt_X

About the EPs: The idea is that desperate crew members don't launch eps which might have alien hitch hikers. Commander Harry said what he said because he was desparate, already had the security\saftey systems partly disabled, and finaly because he's the engineer so he thinks he can get at any system. Thinking about it more it might have been better if he said, "Lets get to the docking bay and hope they get here soon."

SentrySteve

Ok, makes senses now <!--emo&:)--><img src="http://www.natural-selection.org/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'><!--endemo--> Do you plan on writing another?

Sgt_X

yes i do plan to write sequel (i actuly have the first paragraph done <!--emo&:)--><img src="http://www.natural-selection.org/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'><!--endemo--> ) It's going to be written from a more normal point of view. I think the weird format is what caused all the bad things in the story, I was concentrating more on trying to keep the format consistant so there was a loss of content.

DeathsDoor

ono my dads brother was master chief thingy on that ship.  U.S.S. Saratoga <!--emo&:D--><img src="http://www.natural-selection.org/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':D'><!--endemo-->!

Sgt_X

There's a real Saratoga? I was wondering where i got the name from.

Rob

Saratoga is a common ship name.

Sgt_X

LOL

I would pick that. <!--emo&:)--><img src="http://www.natural-selection.org/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'><!--endemo-->

Willow

Cool story mate, if yer lookin for a mapper contact me <!--emo&:)--><img src="http://www.natural-selection.org/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'><!--endemo-->, although i´m working on my own map i have time for another.