Running For A School Election
<div class="IPBDescription">Opinions?</div> During the time spent having the fasted from the Internet, I started working on my advertisement ploy for the upcoming elections (two months from now) at my school. The position I'm running for is Director of Communications, the person responsible for giving public announcements on the school speaker system. Besides JUST repeating everything that's already written on the bulletin sheet given to each class, they also have the ability to play a short segment of any "child-safe" song.
Unlike the regular and practical politician, I'm idiotic enough to consider that honesty will actually be adequate strength in my campaign. I'm taking a radical approach to this election, (one that will probably result in brutal failure). But I am very keen on doing something unique. I am very tired of seeing the usual posters with the predictable "<b>VOTE [insert name here] 4 D.O.C.!!!!</b>", the spamming of stickers/pins that carry the same senseless message, and the most pathetic attempt of trying to entice potential votees with candy.
Instead of opting for the glitzy and hollow, I've decided to settle for something plain for advertising: a simple three page bulletin. Still under construction, but most of it's here:
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->
Page 1:
<span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'><b>THE FOLLOWING IS DESIGNED TO HELP YOU MAKE A CHOICE ON WHETHER OR NOT VOTING FOR “THE SOCK™” BEST INTERESTS YOU. IF YOU HATE READING, HERE’S THE JIST OF IT:
ELECT ME, AND I’LL PLAY THE SONGS LISTED ON PAGE 3.
</b></span>
Page 2:
<b>To my Peers: Lend me your Ears!</b> <i>(err… eyes, I mean)</i>
As a candidate for the upcoming Director of Communications position, I find it important that the public be informed of the plans that each candidate has in store for this school’s future. Why put your vote for a person who could possibly be abusing his or her powers by advocating <b>against</b> Communism? Or is a super-intelligent cyborg in disguise, enslaved and controlled electronically by the VSB (school board initials) from their secret underground headquarters? In the worst case scenario, you might even vote for a person who easily bends to the uneducated mobocracy, which inexplicably and chronically demands for “music” by Britney Spears and N’SYNC to be blared daily. (If you are part of this mobocracy, please stop reading this and resume with your tormented lives).
If I am elected as Director of Communications, be <b>assured</b> that I will run my position as any cold-hearted and ruthless megalomaniac would.
<b>If elected, you will come to know me as Dictator of Communications. </b>
If this statement shocks you, then it is time to introduce you to reality:
<b>This is the agenda of any person running for this position. </b>
Any candidate who denies this implication is probably suffering from flames that envelop his or her trousers/skirts/breeches. In other words, their pants are on fire. (if they are not, please let me know, as the struggling economy has left several of my pyromaniac associates unemployed).
Know that these words represent truth.
<i>- Truth may be bitter to the eyes,
But know that they do not blind you like lies.</i>
Alas, all is not lost! Know that I understand your frustrations and pain, for I too have been subjected to four generations of pain in the form of “public announcements”. But there has always been one factor that could make the pain bearable, (if done properly):
<b>Music. </b>
It is music that calms the beast. But I have come to know that not any music will soothe the soul. There are some that heal, and there are some that destroy. Fortunately, I am not a sadist; I wish only to employ music that will heal the soul. Is it not difficult enough to face the burden of school and listen to so-called “music” which only serves to induce an urge for excessive violence against homework?
<b>I present to you, the Minstrelsy Manifesto™:</b>
In my lifetime, I have come across a variety of songs: some painful, some mediocre, some pleasant, and some that are simply ***-kicking. I believe that I have an understanding of what songs are ***-kicking, and have therefore come up with the following list. Of course, different people have different tastes in music; I am not asking you to like or hate the music written, but know that I will be playing all the music listed (unless forced by the president or school administration to do otherwise), along with others of similar style. The goal for me is not that I become elected; rather, the goal here is to know whether the person writing this announcement fulfills your needs. In knowing this, I believe it will aid you, the voter, on making an educated, and worthy vote.
Page 3:
Apollo Four Forty – Stop the Rock
Beastie Boys - Body Movin' (Fatboy Slim Remix)
Beastie Boys – Sabotage
Benny Goodman - Life Goes To A Party
Benny Goodman - Sing, Sing, Sing
Biz Markie - Just A Friend
Blur - Boys and Girls
Blur - Song 2
Boney M - Rasputine
Buffalo Springfield - For What It's Worth
Chemical Brothers - Galaxy Bounce
DC Talk - Jesus Freak
Doug E. Fresh - Keep It Going
Elvis Presley – A Little Less Conversation (Junkie XL remix)
Everclear - Local God
Everlast - Ends
Garbage - Crush (remix)
Garbage - Push it
Garbage - When I Grow Up
Guess Who - These Eyes
Hoobastank - Pieces
House of Pain - Jump Around
Isaac Stern - Flight of the Bumblebee (Nikolay Rimsky Korsakov)
Kool & The Gang - Jungle Boogie
Linkin Park - In The End
Live - Lightning Crashes
Lovin’ Spoonful – Summer in the City
Matchbox 20 - Long Day (acoustic)
Matthew Good Band - Apparitions (acoustic)
Moby - We Are All Made of Stars
Nickleback - Leader of Men (acoustic)
Nirvana – Smells like Teen Spitit
Orbital - Halycon & On & On
Our Lady Peace - Superman's Dead
Pearl Jam - Jeremy (Live - acoustic)
Primitive Radio Gods - Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth With Change in My Pocket
Prodigy - Breathe
Pulp Fiction - Theme
RadioHead - Karma Police (live + acoustic on Letterman)
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under the Bridge
REM - Losing My Religion
REM - Man On The Moon
Rhymes With Orange - Toy Train
Smashing Pumpkins - 1979 (Acoustic)
Steppenwolf - Magic Carpet Ride (Fatboy Slim Remix)
Stone Temple Pilots - Sour Girl (acoustic)
Sugar Hill Gang - Rapper's Delight
The Beatles - Twist and Shout
The Hives - Hate To Say I Told You So
The Immortals - Mortal Kombat Theme
U2 - Discotheque
U2 - Sunday Bloody Sunday
White Stripes - Fell in Love With a Girl
Yello - Oh Yeah
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Opinions/Suggestions/Flames?
<i>I called myself "Sock" cause that's what my initials spell out, and it rhymes with the position.</i>
Unlike the regular and practical politician, I'm idiotic enough to consider that honesty will actually be adequate strength in my campaign. I'm taking a radical approach to this election, (one that will probably result in brutal failure). But I am very keen on doing something unique. I am very tired of seeing the usual posters with the predictable "<b>VOTE [insert name here] 4 D.O.C.!!!!</b>", the spamming of stickers/pins that carry the same senseless message, and the most pathetic attempt of trying to entice potential votees with candy.
Instead of opting for the glitzy and hollow, I've decided to settle for something plain for advertising: a simple three page bulletin. Still under construction, but most of it's here:
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->
Page 1:
<span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'><b>THE FOLLOWING IS DESIGNED TO HELP YOU MAKE A CHOICE ON WHETHER OR NOT VOTING FOR “THE SOCK™” BEST INTERESTS YOU. IF YOU HATE READING, HERE’S THE JIST OF IT:
ELECT ME, AND I’LL PLAY THE SONGS LISTED ON PAGE 3.
</b></span>
Page 2:
<b>To my Peers: Lend me your Ears!</b> <i>(err… eyes, I mean)</i>
As a candidate for the upcoming Director of Communications position, I find it important that the public be informed of the plans that each candidate has in store for this school’s future. Why put your vote for a person who could possibly be abusing his or her powers by advocating <b>against</b> Communism? Or is a super-intelligent cyborg in disguise, enslaved and controlled electronically by the VSB (school board initials) from their secret underground headquarters? In the worst case scenario, you might even vote for a person who easily bends to the uneducated mobocracy, which inexplicably and chronically demands for “music” by Britney Spears and N’SYNC to be blared daily. (If you are part of this mobocracy, please stop reading this and resume with your tormented lives).
If I am elected as Director of Communications, be <b>assured</b> that I will run my position as any cold-hearted and ruthless megalomaniac would.
<b>If elected, you will come to know me as Dictator of Communications. </b>
If this statement shocks you, then it is time to introduce you to reality:
<b>This is the agenda of any person running for this position. </b>
Any candidate who denies this implication is probably suffering from flames that envelop his or her trousers/skirts/breeches. In other words, their pants are on fire. (if they are not, please let me know, as the struggling economy has left several of my pyromaniac associates unemployed).
Know that these words represent truth.
<i>- Truth may be bitter to the eyes,
But know that they do not blind you like lies.</i>
Alas, all is not lost! Know that I understand your frustrations and pain, for I too have been subjected to four generations of pain in the form of “public announcements”. But there has always been one factor that could make the pain bearable, (if done properly):
<b>Music. </b>
It is music that calms the beast. But I have come to know that not any music will soothe the soul. There are some that heal, and there are some that destroy. Fortunately, I am not a sadist; I wish only to employ music that will heal the soul. Is it not difficult enough to face the burden of school and listen to so-called “music” which only serves to induce an urge for excessive violence against homework?
<b>I present to you, the Minstrelsy Manifesto™:</b>
In my lifetime, I have come across a variety of songs: some painful, some mediocre, some pleasant, and some that are simply ***-kicking. I believe that I have an understanding of what songs are ***-kicking, and have therefore come up with the following list. Of course, different people have different tastes in music; I am not asking you to like or hate the music written, but know that I will be playing all the music listed (unless forced by the president or school administration to do otherwise), along with others of similar style. The goal for me is not that I become elected; rather, the goal here is to know whether the person writing this announcement fulfills your needs. In knowing this, I believe it will aid you, the voter, on making an educated, and worthy vote.
Page 3:
Apollo Four Forty – Stop the Rock
Beastie Boys - Body Movin' (Fatboy Slim Remix)
Beastie Boys – Sabotage
Benny Goodman - Life Goes To A Party
Benny Goodman - Sing, Sing, Sing
Biz Markie - Just A Friend
Blur - Boys and Girls
Blur - Song 2
Boney M - Rasputine
Buffalo Springfield - For What It's Worth
Chemical Brothers - Galaxy Bounce
DC Talk - Jesus Freak
Doug E. Fresh - Keep It Going
Elvis Presley – A Little Less Conversation (Junkie XL remix)
Everclear - Local God
Everlast - Ends
Garbage - Crush (remix)
Garbage - Push it
Garbage - When I Grow Up
Guess Who - These Eyes
Hoobastank - Pieces
House of Pain - Jump Around
Isaac Stern - Flight of the Bumblebee (Nikolay Rimsky Korsakov)
Kool & The Gang - Jungle Boogie
Linkin Park - In The End
Live - Lightning Crashes
Lovin’ Spoonful – Summer in the City
Matchbox 20 - Long Day (acoustic)
Matthew Good Band - Apparitions (acoustic)
Moby - We Are All Made of Stars
Nickleback - Leader of Men (acoustic)
Nirvana – Smells like Teen Spitit
Orbital - Halycon & On & On
Our Lady Peace - Superman's Dead
Pearl Jam - Jeremy (Live - acoustic)
Primitive Radio Gods - Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth With Change in My Pocket
Prodigy - Breathe
Pulp Fiction - Theme
RadioHead - Karma Police (live + acoustic on Letterman)
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under the Bridge
REM - Losing My Religion
REM - Man On The Moon
Rhymes With Orange - Toy Train
Smashing Pumpkins - 1979 (Acoustic)
Steppenwolf - Magic Carpet Ride (Fatboy Slim Remix)
Stone Temple Pilots - Sour Girl (acoustic)
Sugar Hill Gang - Rapper's Delight
The Beatles - Twist and Shout
The Hives - Hate To Say I Told You So
The Immortals - Mortal Kombat Theme
U2 - Discotheque
U2 - Sunday Bloody Sunday
White Stripes - Fell in Love With a Girl
Yello - Oh Yeah
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Opinions/Suggestions/Flames?
<i>I called myself "Sock" cause that's what my initials spell out, and it rhymes with the position.</i>
Comments
Its truly not that people are bothered by intellectualism, its the fact that people dont like pseudo-intellectualism. << - - - - Pet Peeve.
Anways, Theres a genius at our school who was elected Rally Commisioner, and im talking genius no joke.
But, Even though hes intellectual he is very sincere and can pull a crowd by using his genius to provoke people to believe that he has no personality then surprising everybody with something shocking which happens to be rather humorous but not entirely funny, but the fact that no one expects it makes it hilarious.
When i ran for election in the seventh grade (12 yrs waaaaaaay back then) all i had to say was that i'd get milkshake in the cafeteria...
Was a fun year :-)
Interesting idea, but I'm not sure it'll sell well.
[edit]Apparantly they thought I couldn't read. What I meant was, what's a Director of Communications, but I didn't want to have to type it out (now I did, you guys happy?)?[/edit]
DOC = Director of Communications
yah, best way to win always seems to be to act funny. If naught else you will have people thankful for not having to listen to another stupid arsed speach.
lol, decent song list, so you got my vote ;D