Letter To The Observer
eaglec
Join Date: 2002-11-25 Member: 9948Members, Constellation
Join Date: 2002-11-25 Member: 9948Members, Constellation
in Discussions
<div class="IPBDescription">thats a British newspaper btw</div> Letter to the Observer
Sunday January 26, 2003
The Observer
I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's running
out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been really pis*ed off with
Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street. Well, him and Mr Patel,
who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr
Johnson is planning something nasty, but so far I haven't been able to discover
what. I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's
got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr Patel, don't ask
me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a
Mass Murderer.
I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick
us off one by one. Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go
to the police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need
evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours. They'll come up with
endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive
strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible
things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people. Since I'm the
only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's
up to me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult.
Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out
of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want!
And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is the
only way to bring about international peace and security. The one certain way to
stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb
a few Muslim countries that have never threatened us.
That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and children.
Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and stop
peering at me in that totally unacceptable way. Mr Bush makes it clear that all
he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and
that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm
certain I've just as much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and
children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the
world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a
clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when you've achieved it?
How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every single
terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's committed
an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists?
These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known
terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves. Perhaps
Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future terrorist?
Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every Muslim
fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might convert to
fundamentalism.
Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all
Muslims? It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of
the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like and
who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe until
I've wiped them all out. My wife says I might be going too far but I tell her
I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United States. That
shuts her up.
Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for
the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two
weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over all aliens and
interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist
masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm
going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come.
It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast to what
he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.
Sunday January 26, 2003
The Observer
I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's running
out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been really pis*ed off with
Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street. Well, him and Mr Patel,
who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr
Johnson is planning something nasty, but so far I haven't been able to discover
what. I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's
got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr Patel, don't ask
me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a
Mass Murderer.
I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick
us off one by one. Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go
to the police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need
evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours. They'll come up with
endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive
strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible
things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people. Since I'm the
only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's
up to me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult.
Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out
of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want!
And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is the
only way to bring about international peace and security. The one certain way to
stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb
a few Muslim countries that have never threatened us.
That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and children.
Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and stop
peering at me in that totally unacceptable way. Mr Bush makes it clear that all
he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and
that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm
certain I've just as much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and
children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the
world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a
clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when you've achieved it?
How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every single
terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's committed
an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists?
These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known
terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves. Perhaps
Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future terrorist?
Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every Muslim
fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might convert to
fundamentalism.
Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all
Muslims? It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of
the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like and
who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe until
I've wiped them all out. My wife says I might be going too far but I tell her
I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United States. That
shuts her up.
Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for
the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two
weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over all aliens and
interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist
masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm
going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come.
It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast to what
he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.
Comments
Yeah, the problem is things like that happening on a much larger scale after Cowboy Bush runs through Iraq. If the US can invade a country because it "claims" to have the right, then what stops any other country doing the same? It would be interesting to see the Arab countries surrounding Israel threaten to attack because they believe Israel has nuclear weapons. Unlike the Iraq issue, these nations would actually be attacking a nation which really does have WMD.
And in the wrong forum <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo-->