"Flagship Eclipse" : Subnautica Story

JamezorgJamezorg Advanced userUnited Kingdom Join Date: 2016-05-15 Member: 216788Members Posts: 961 Advanced user
INFORMATION:
1: I know, I know, @Bugzapper already did and is doing Subnautica stories of his own, and yes I did get the idea to share mine here from him doing it, but I'm not copying the idea, I'm just using it to create my own completely separate story. Also Bugzapper might know that I already tried doing one of these but I was getting bored writing it myself, so I stopped really early on. I'm doing it again, though, and better this time!

2: This is going to be written from the points of view of different characters, like ASOIAF but first person. I'll start every post with the perspective that post will be from so there's no confusion :)

3: I go on about it a lot, but I write a lot for a hobby. I'm writing a fantasy right now, but nobody's going to see that in an age. So I thought I'd post a different story here for you all to see. What I'm trying to say is the point of this thread is to share my writing and get feedback so that I can improve. So go nuts ;)

SAMPSON LARK

Where we flew was dangerous. Our small ship had scraped across the stars for two whole months to arrive here, and it was all too likely that we would be shot down before we made planetfall. 4546B had not been visited in thirty years. A mining vessel named Aurora was to build a phase gate in the system, using this planet as a checkpoint for incoming resources. She was shot down in high atmosphere of the planet. There was only one survivor of that wreck, and don't go asking me how he made it back home.

Alterra has given this ship, Eclipse, something to counteract the laser beam that shot down the last three ships to enter orbit. We have been given a Plasma Shield to protect against the blast. We didn't travel two months just to get blown to smithereens in high orbit. Even if we did I'd survive, just like he did back then.

Eclipse was a bulldog-class trading vessel, given the task to make permanent settlement on the planet until larger ships could arrive. I was sat at the controls of the beautiful craft. I was in command. If Penna wanted to turn the ship even an inch Galactic-West, she would have to consult me first, or if Zenn wanted to make the jump to warp-speed I would be the one who made the final call, or if Malla wanted to activate the Plasma Shield he would have to ask me about it.

Finally in the distance we saw the white glowing light of a nearby star. At the first sight of it cheers erupted in the bridge of the ship where I, Zenn, Malla and Penna controlled the ship. Tary performed maintenance, which wasn't so glamorous, and Otta was just an engineer. Malla was the first to see the approaching sun. He pointed it out to us all, and in response came a flood of laughter and delight. Zenn rushed downstairs to tell Tary and Otta where we were. I don't know why she would just abandon this view like she did, and for the silliest of reasons, but all that mattered was that she was there when 4546B came into view, as were Tary and Otta. We stood at the front window of the ship for minutes, and we could have stayed for hours. Reluctantly I ordered everyone back to their stations and, not so reluctantly, Tary and Otta back downstairs.

"Zenn, slow the ship down; we'll be in orbit in five minutes, I don't want to go crashing into that water there." In front of my seat were panels crammed with buttons, switches and levers. I flicked and pressed many, as everyone did.

"Ship slowing, Captain." Zenn informed as he slowly raised a dark, glistening lever. A hum that had droned for hours around them suddenly began to quieten, and drop in pitch. The blue planet grew enormous out the front of the ship. Clouds swirled over the ocean, small islands were dotted over its surface. It was so intricate I swear I could identify individual waves that rippled across the planet. Suddenly on my monitor a red warning began flashing. It kept flashing, straining my eyes, telling me that an unidentified energy pulse was heading directly towards us.

"Malla! Shield, now!" I turned in my seat to point to her, and the window was covered in a sheet of rippling blue. With a thunderous roar it turned vibrant yellow, with the mix of green and blue. Sparks began flying about the room. Was the shield working at all? The warning still flickered and there was no way to know for sure. Then the bridge turned dark, and the hum fell silent. The beam had ceased, as had our shield, and we fell faster than a diving falcon towards the planet's deep blue oceans.

"What happened?!" Malla roared. "I thought you said that thing would hold!" I did, didn't I? I wasn't certain, but I was sure Alterra would not forsake us.

"The beam must have bypassed the shield somehow, it shut off all of our power." I checked a damage feed of Eclipse. "We have no power, but the ship is not damaged. Now quickly; brace for impact!" I held onto the arms of my seat, as did everyone else. The thought of Tary and Otta rattling around below eased my mind, for all I knew these were the last seconds of my life. The ship hit the water, and it fell no longer.

Post edited by Jamezorg on
I am currently writing a fantasy novel which I plan to be the beginning of a six-seven book series.
To sate my thirst for people to read my stories, however, I write one on the forums in the meantime: FE . DC .
CalvinTheDiversubnauticambrianTenebrousNova0x6A7232BugzapperAntoninbizmotronKouji_San
«134567

Comments

  • subnauticambriansubnauticambrian Advanced user U.S. Join Date: 2016-01-19 Member: 211679Members Posts: 847 Advanced user
    edited January 2017
    First off: I love it! Can't wait to see what happens next...

    -EDIT-
    Grammar error corrected.
    Post edited by subnauticambrian on
    Paleo/Bio nerd. Big fan of Subnautica, particularly the creature design.
    itzjustkilo
  • SkopeSkope Advanced user Wouldn't you like to know ;) Join Date: 2016-06-07 Member: 218212Members Posts: 1,179 Advanced user
    *sigh*

    *looks at own half-written story*

    Never mind...
    I've been skulking around here for almost four years.

    Yet I still have no idea what's going on.
    bizmotron
  • subnauticambriansubnauticambrian Advanced user U.S. Join Date: 2016-01-19 Member: 211679Members Posts: 847 Advanced user
    Skope wrote: »
    *sigh*

    *looks at own half-written story*

    Never mind...

    I want to hear it! Who's with me?
    Paleo/Bio nerd. Big fan of Subnautica, particularly the creature design.
    JamezorgbizmotronArcticWarrior
  • SkopeSkope Advanced user Wouldn't you like to know ;) Join Date: 2016-06-07 Member: 218212Members Posts: 1,179 Advanced user
    Rainstorm wrote: »
    As Long As You Dont Start To Capitalize The First Letter Of Every Word Im Perfectly Fine With Another Fanfiction Novel! :smiley:

    I Make No Promises. ;)
    I've been skulking around here for almost four years.

    Yet I still have no idea what's going on.
  • JamezorgJamezorg Advanced user United Kingdom Join Date: 2016-05-15 Member: 216788Members Posts: 961 Advanced user
    edited January 2017
    First off: I love it! Can't wait to see what happens next...

    Also: I'm sorry, but you asked for feedback...
    Jamezorg wrote: »
    Sarks began flying about the room.
    lt1v5k8erh2q.jpg

    Okay, it's fixed now :)


    I am currently writing a fantasy novel which I plan to be the beginning of a six-seven book series.
    To sate my thirst for people to read my stories, however, I write one on the forums in the meantime: FE . DC .
  • SkopeSkope Advanced user Wouldn't you like to know ;) Join Date: 2016-06-07 Member: 218212Members Posts: 1,179 Advanced user
    Interesting. A main character who acts like the antagonist. I've never seen this kind of characterization in a literary work before.

    And I can say that I'm not against it. :)
    I've been skulking around here for almost four years.

    Yet I still have no idea what's going on.
    TenebrousNovaR2T9ArcticWarrior
  • Casual_PlayerCasual_Player Advanced user That...is a really good question Join Date: 2016-08-30 Member: 221875Members Posts: 692 Advanced user
    I like your idea of a cold pragmatist as a captain. Nice job.
    Head of the FMMA: By Science and Technology, We Create a Better World

    Wearer of fedoras. Beards for the win.

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    TenebrousNova
  • the_marinerthe_mariner Advanced user US of A Join Date: 2016-12-29 Member: 225653Members Posts: 132 Advanced user
    Interesting. A captain who doesn't care about their crew beyond being means to an end is a refreshing change from the norm. It'll be interesting to see how you add nuance to these characters.
    I had drifted o’er seas without ending,
    Under sinister grey-clouded skies
    That the many-fork’d lightning is rending,
    That resound with hysterical cries;
    With the moans of invisible daemons that out of the green waters rise.
    - H.P. Lovecraft
    TenebrousNova
  • JamezorgJamezorg Advanced user United Kingdom Join Date: 2016-05-15 Member: 216788Members Posts: 961 Advanced user
    Interesting. A captain who doesn't care about their crew beyond being means to an end is a refreshing change from the norm. It'll be interesting to see how you add nuance to these characters.

    The last thing I want is for my characters to be cookie cutter. They won't fall into any stereotypes, like the captain hasn't, nor will they be black and white. Everyone will have their reasons for doing what they do, without being stereotypical heroes or villains. So thanks for the compliment :)
    I am currently writing a fantasy novel which I plan to be the beginning of a six-seven book series.
    To sate my thirst for people to read my stories, however, I write one on the forums in the meantime: FE . DC .
    R2T9
  • subnauticambriansubnauticambrian Advanced user U.S. Join Date: 2016-01-19 Member: 211679Members Posts: 847 Advanced user
    I love the description of the Aurora!
    Paleo/Bio nerd. Big fan of Subnautica, particularly the creature design.
    JamezorgCalvinTheDiverTenebrousNovaAntonin
  • Casual_PlayerCasual_Player Advanced user That...is a really good question Join Date: 2016-08-30 Member: 221875Members Posts: 692 Advanced user
    I'm trying my hand at writing. Damn you @Jamezorg for making me have this idea XD
    Mine is revolving the battle of the Institute, on the Elections thread.
    Head of the FMMA: By Science and Technology, We Create a Better World

    Wearer of fedoras. Beards for the win.

    #SAVETHEROCKPUNCHER

    Show your support!

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    JamezorgCalvinTheDiverAntoninSubnautical_Dam
  • phantomfinchphantomfinch Advanced user West Philadelphia , born and raised on the playground is where I spent most of my days. Join Date: 2016-09-06 Member: 222128Members Posts: 1,123 Advanced user
    ok a few questions,

    1. How much fertiliser was the aurora packing to support a ecosystem on its bow with no obvious sign of dirt to be planted on. Even if he alien plant life could grow that colossal from any hydroponic systems within the ship, it would take much longer than 30 years for any Chinese potato or other plant life to grow that large.

    2. Why isn't any other reactor type now packaged with the standard building tool, didn't the survivor mention that it was crappy when he only had solar power. The builder could at least have a ocean planet setting to generate electricity from wind power or tidal forces.

    3. Where are all the cave crawlers on the mountain islands, I can't even take 4 steps without one of them little bastards trying to leap at my face and impregnate me. I'm sure this could be explained by the small fish in the area dying out because of the immigration of reapers into the area, or any recent plotical fluctuations in the region *cough* *cough*

    4. Your captain will probably be sent to prison after he gets rescued, just a statement. The thrase "A captain must go down with their ship" comes from the captain always having to be the last one to leave the vessel when sinking. Due to two of your characters possibly being alive underwater would mean the captain broke the oath and would be prosecuted, the only way he could get out of this would be to show he knew the crew died and he was the last person alive to leave the ship.


    Either way it's a great story and if these plot hole could be filled in, that would be great.
    Shit happens
  • the_marinerthe_mariner Advanced user US of A Join Date: 2016-12-29 Member: 225653Members Posts: 132 Advanced user
    ok a few questions,

    1. How much fertiliser was the aurora packing to support a ecosystem on its bow with no obvious sign of dirt to be planted on. Even if he alien plant life could grow that colossal from any hydroponic systems within the ship, it would take much longer than 30 years for any Chinese potato or other plant life to grow that large.

    2. Why isn't any other reactor type now packaged with the standard building tool, didn't the survivor mention that it was crappy when he only had solar power. The builder could at least have a ocean planet setting to generate electricity from wind power or tidal forces.

    3. Where are all the cave crawlers on the mountain islands, I can't even take 4 steps without one of them little bastards trying to leap at my face and impregnate me. I'm sure this could be explained by the small fish in the area dying out because of the immigration of reapers into the area, or any recent plotical fluctuations in the region *cough* *cough*

    4. Your captain will probably be sent to prison after he gets rescued, just a statement. The thrase "A captain must go down with their ship" comes from the captain always having to be the last one to leave the vessel when sinking. Due to two of your characters possibly being alive underwater would mean the captain broke the oath and would be prosecuted, the only way he could get out of this would be to show he knew the crew died and he was the last person alive to leave the ship.


    Either way it's a great story and if these plot hole could be filled in, that would be great.

    @phantomfinch
    1. Maybe moss grew on top of the ship. This moss provided a base for plant life to grow on, and voila!

    2. Who said there isn't? All the captain said was that he was going to cobble together a thermal generator using scrap. He could have just meant he would be deconstructing the scrap and using it to build a thermal generator.

    3. Uh....maybe they died due to a disease? I dunno, just ignore it for the sake of plot.

    On another note, @Jamezorg, I love that the Survivor has taken on an air of quasimysticism (although thirty years seems a bit too short for the Survivor to become a folk hero-type figure)! Perhaps you could go into more detail about the Obraxis Prime Massacre and the adventures of Craig McGill, seeing as we have almost nothing about them in the game!
    I had drifted o’er seas without ending,
    Under sinister grey-clouded skies
    That the many-fork’d lightning is rending,
    That resound with hysterical cries;
    With the moans of invisible daemons that out of the green waters rise.
    - H.P. Lovecraft
  • JamezorgJamezorg Advanced user United Kingdom Join Date: 2016-05-15 Member: 216788Members Posts: 961 Advanced user
    ok a few questions,

    1. How much fertiliser was the aurora packing to support a ecosystem on its bow with no obvious sign of dirt to be planted on. Even if he alien plant life could grow that colossal from any hydroponic systems within the ship, it would take much longer than 30 years for any Chinese potato or other plant life to grow that large.

    2. Why isn't any other reactor type now packaged with the standard building tool, didn't the survivor mention that it was crappy when he only had solar power. The builder could at least have a ocean planet setting to generate electricity from wind power or tidal forces.

    3. Where are all the cave crawlers on the mountain islands, I can't even take 4 steps without one of them little bastards trying to leap at my face and impregnate me. I'm sure this could be explained by the small fish in the area dying out because of the immigration of reapers into the area, or any recent plotical fluctuations in the region *cough* *cough*

    4. Your captain will probably be sent to prison after he gets rescued, just a statement. The thrase "A captain must go down with their ship" comes from the captain always having to be the last one to leave the vessel when sinking. Due to two of your characters possibly being alive underwater would mean the captain broke the oath and would be prosecuted, the only way he could get out of this would be to show he knew the crew died and he was the last person alive to leave the ship.


    Either way it's a great story and if these plot hole could be filled in, that would be great.

    I'll definitely get into 1,2 and 4 later on, but as for 3 it should just be ignored for plot convenience :)
    Perhaps you could go into more detail about the Obraxis Prime Massacre and the adventures of Craig McGill, seeing as we have almost nothing about them in the game!

    ;)
    I am currently writing a fantasy novel which I plan to be the beginning of a six-seven book series.
    To sate my thirst for people to read my stories, however, I write one on the forums in the meantime: FE . DC .
    phantomfinch
  • SkopeSkope Advanced user Wouldn't you like to know ;) Join Date: 2016-06-07 Member: 218212Members Posts: 1,179 Advanced user
    Am I the only one who is just waiting for Sampson to get an eyeful of the Reaper, and then get shoved down its gullet.

    For some reason, this guy just makes me angry. He's like that serious teacher in secondary school, the one who everyone hates.
    Also, little spelling mistake.
    Jamezorg wrote: »
    "Don't bloody tough anything!" I yelled.

    I've been skulking around here for almost four years.

    Yet I still have no idea what's going on.
    subnauticambrianJamezorg
  • subnauticambriansubnauticambrian Advanced user U.S. Join Date: 2016-01-19 Member: 211679Members Posts: 847 Advanced user
    Skope wrote: »
    Am I the only one who is just waiting for Sampson to get an eyeful of the Reaper, and then get shoved down its gullet.

    For some reason, this guy just makes me angry. He's like that serious teacher in secondary school, the one who everyone hates.
    Also, little spelling mistake.
    Jamezorg wrote: »
    "Don't bloody tough anything!" I yelled.

    I definitely agree with you there, Sampson does kinda piss me off...
    Speaking of little spelling mistakes:
    Jamezorg wrote: »
    She was clearly nstill not in the right frame of mind,
    Paleo/Bio nerd. Big fan of Subnautica, particularly the creature design.
    Jamezorg
  • 0x6A72320x6A7232 Advanced user US Join Date: 2016-10-06 Member: 222906Members Posts: 5,247 Advanced user
    Sampson is the android from .. what's that movie. I want to say one of the Aliens movies. They end up having to destroy him because of something, I forget what, I think his orders involved carrying out some mission regardless of how it affected the crew or something, sort of like HAL except more straightforward.
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  • Casual_PlayerCasual_Player Advanced user That...is a really good question Join Date: 2016-08-30 Member: 221875Members Posts: 692 Advanced user
    0x6A7232 wrote: »
    Sampson is the android from .. what's that movie. I want to say one of the Aliens movies. They end up having to destroy him because of something, I forget what, I think his orders involved carrying out some mission regardless of how it affected the crew or something, sort of like HAL except more straightforward.

    what else you remember from the movie? Blade Runner?
    Head of the FMMA: By Science and Technology, We Create a Better World

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  • TenebrousNovaTenebrousNova Advanced user England Join Date: 2015-12-23 Member: 210206Members Posts: 641 Advanced user
    I'd imagine that Sampson distances himself from his crew as a means of protecting his own emotions. If I were in a job that involved working with people with a big risk of dying, I wouldn't want to get attached to them.

    Or maybe he truly is the cold, hardened leader we see him depicted as thus far. Wonderful story, I look forward to future updates.
    Jamezorg
  • the_marinerthe_mariner Advanced user US of A Join Date: 2016-12-29 Member: 225653Members Posts: 132 Advanced user
    0x6A7232 wrote: »
    Sampson is the android from .. what's that movie. I want to say one of the Aliens movies. They end up having to destroy him because of something, I forget what, I think his orders involved carrying out some mission regardless of how it affected the crew or something, sort of like HAL except more straightforward.

    what else you remember from the movie? Blade Runner?

    "Bring back life form. Priority one. All other priorities rescinded. Crew expendable." Yup. Definitely Alien.
    Skope wrote: »
    Am I the only one who is just waiting for Sampson to get an eyeful of the Reaper, and then get shoved down its gullet.

    For some reason, this guy just makes me angry. He's like that serious teacher in secondary school, the one who everyone hates.
    Also, little spelling mistake.
    Jamezorg wrote: »
    "Don't bloody tough anything!" I yelled.

    Yeah, that's pretty much me too. Although I could tolerate some ruthlessness from him (you've got to make tough choices to survive on an alien planet), right now Sampson's just being a dick.
    I had drifted o’er seas without ending,
    Under sinister grey-clouded skies
    That the many-fork’d lightning is rending,
    That resound with hysterical cries;
    With the moans of invisible daemons that out of the green waters rise.
    - H.P. Lovecraft
    Jamezorg
  • Xxcookid123xXXxcookid123xX Advanced user USA Join Date: 2016-12-05 Member: 224587Members Posts: 81 Advanced user
    I absolutely love where this is going.
    I've always wanted to make a story for subnautica, but I have a problem where reading things sometimes goes to the back of my head, and when I write a story, sometimes it slips right in, creating copies of certain parts. And I don't think anyone would be interested in a full fledged third story.
    CalvinTheDiver
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