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New American Currency
The same old bills, except new!After reading pardzh's topic about the man who was arrested for paying with 2 dollar bills http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/index....showtopic=91544
I was reminded of a small project I did for my AP government class last year.
I wondered if it was still saved on my computer and after searching through the Pandora’s Box that is my My Documents folder (no pun intended) I was happy to see it had survived my often times random deletions.
Keep in mind it was written for my aged history teacher who was very conservative and an outspoken opponent of Political Correctness. I was worried that the humor would be a bit too much for him at the time but he loved it, I got full credit and a laugh so it was a win- win situation.
Anyway after spending time looking for it I decided I would post it here so someone else could enjoy so enjoy…or dislike.
US TREASURY DEPARTMENT Memo #91,456,890
The New American Legal Tender
As you know the previous set of paper money issued by our department still featured the old racist and hate mongering demagogues of Americas bloody and inherently evil past. This new set of bills will finally correct this problem, and we hope will satisfy everyone living in this great and completely equal nation including American Animals.
1 Dollar Bill:
● Due to much conflict and debate it has been decided that George Washington shall be removed from the 1 Dollar Bill. Due to his belligerent anti-British war mongering and his blatant disregard for the noble hippopotamus we have determined he is no longer fit for this magnanimous honor.
● Washington is to be replaced by 1 Asian American, 1 African American, and 1 Hispanic American in a Handy Capable Transportation Device (HCTD) formally known as a wheel chair. They are to be poised as if their friendships are perfectly normal and frequently occurring in everyday American society. If you find yourself unable to cope with this change you are most likely a racist. The US Treasury Department suggests you seek immediate counseling and cultural diversification programs. Until then we advise you keep your blatant hate mongering to a minimum.
5 Dollar Bill:
● Due to much lobbing from the South it has been deemed that the image of Abraham Lincoln is to offensive for a large portion of our still healing nation.
● Lincoln is to be replaced by a migrant worker from an indiscriminant Latin American country. He is to be pictured staring up at the recently relocated Statue of Liberty in Phoenix Arizona with a look of awe and respect.
10 Dollar Bill:
● Due to Alexander Hamilton’s close ties with known racist and animal hater George Washington and his inaction during the approval of the US Constitution to outlaw slavery he is interpreted by some as a blatant racist and a possible homophobe.
● Hamilton is to be replaced with the image of a cute manatee swimming side by side with a friendly vegetarian shark.
20 Dollar Bill:
● Due to Andrew Jackson’s extensive reputation as Americas most well known racist, murder, and possible communist, Jackson will not only be removed from the 20 Dollar Bill but American history in its entirety.
● Jackson is to be replaced with an indiscriminate American Indian and what could be interpreted as, but is not specifically labeled as such, a Spanish conquistador. After reading this memo please report to the US Treasury Department: Mind Erasing Division to have all knowledge of the villain Andrew Jackson wiped from your mind.
50 Dollar Bill:
● Due to Grants position as a Union General, which offends a large portion of our wounded and still healing nation, and his racist actions against Mexican Americans during the Mexican American War he is to be removed from the 50 Dollar Bill and also from all of American history.
● Grant is to be replaced with the image of a Mexican American proudly waving the American flag wile fireworks are going off in the background. If you read the above passage you should already be on your way to the Mind Erasing Division, further reminders may be deemed redundant and offensive by some.
100 Dollar Bill:
● In light of recent evidence suggesting Ben Franklin may have been a sexual pervert and a possible terrorist rumored to have anti-American French contacts, it has been decided to remove his imagine from the 100 Dollar Bill.
● Franklin is to be replaced with a newly invented holographic projector that taps into magic to project what ever image your heart desirers on the bill. If the concept of magic or technology offends your current convictions you may request the version that features a sand piper running along a beach as a wave crashes in the distance. The sand piper has been scientifically proven to be the least offensive of all the birds and should be accepted by 99.9% of Americans.
The reverse side of all American paper currency has been made uniform due to complaints of offensive Masonic icons, and potential racist American buildings.
The reverse side of the new bills will feature a symbol from every religion, past and present, around the border. If you have a religion and feel you have been misrepresented or not represented at all please contact the US Treasury Department and we will correct the situation for you. The center of the reverse side will feature a large United Nations flag with space along the bottom for any nations not represented at the UN; their flags will be featured individually. A flag has been created by the US Treasury Department for Antarctica after complaints by lobbyists that penguins were not proportionately represented on American currency.