Natural Selection-darktides

OneoftheLostOneoftheLost Join Date: 2005-04-01 Member: 47150Posts: 56Members
edited April 2005 in Fan-Fiction Forum
The Trials of a squad of Frontiersmen
First off Im a newb at story tellign so forgive me, ive been playing NS for a while now and was inspired by a friend who did a fiction for a different mod.
Second the whole backround info etc. from the sticky is useless, b/c neither link works. So some info may be wrong. If im doing anything else wrong let me know.
Enough chatter here it is:

Chapter 1:
The TSA Galaxia

Captain Mordock sighed.
Since the war against the infectious xenophorms had started, all TSF ships had been ordered to stay within UNF boundaries. If any ship left, then they would be fired upon when they returned. The xenophorms were notorius for boarding seemingly defenseless ships, taking them back within TSF territory, and infecting entire space stations. Now all ships were required to have at least two Frontiersman marine reaction squads.
Mordock watched the screen, cursing the day he had ever taken this job.
A seemingly simple contract from an undisclosed employer had Captain Mordock and his crew of eight aboard the ship THE TSF GALAXIA
He had picked up the two marine squads, and had departed with no problems or delays. The journey took them out of UNF territory, but they would be in the black zone, meaning that the authorities wouldn't notice them, or were being paid not to notice them. The small cargo ship and its crew had picked up the crates that had been in the middle of an asteroid canyon. He never knew what was in the crates, that was between his employer and the buyer, he was just the errand boy.
He looked at the screen again as it lit up. It showed Reaction Team A, diminished and under heavy fire.

One level below....
Pvt. Dayle cursed, he pressed the trigger down on his LMG, looking down the iron sights. He cursed again for the lack of scopes, captain had thought them unnecessary aboard the small ship, plus they were expensive.
The Skulk screeched and fell on its side, the better half of a clip in its dead carcass.
Pvt. Dayle looked down at the dog-sized, claw covered, menace.

"Dayle set up the turret factory"
Dayle heard the Comm speak over his headset.
The Comm was in the comm chair they had gone to the lower levels to "purge the infection" Quickly setting up a comm chair and taking several Res nodes, or Resource Nodes, and plugging Resource towers into the giant energy outlets, they had set up a base. Unfortunately the entire time skulks had been attacking them. Gregory was dead, Micheal's was MIA. Dayle and the comm were the only ones left. Reaction Team B had seen better days. Dayle wondered were Reaction team A was has he set up the turret factory.

"DAYLE Behind-" then a faint chuckle from behind him.

That was the last sound Pvt. George Dayle, 25 heard as two scythe-like claws sunk into his back.

Murdock listened in horror as the Comm downstairs screamed the fateful words.
"They're is a FADE down here! LOCKDOWN level 2 I repeat LOCKDOWN LEVEL 2!"
Mordock moaned, the marines might have held they're own against skulks....but fades were a different story.
They were about eight feet tall. Huge scythe-like claws, and had the ability to blink, or teleport for short distances, making them almost impossible to hit.
A small, four man squad armed with LMGs and a single comm chair weren't even dinner for the damn things.
He made his decision.

"Okay crew we are getting off this ship, follow me down to the escape pods now!" Mordock said.
Then over the intercom to Squad A:
"Go to this way point, you will find a comm chair and a res node. hold that hanger until reinforcements arrive.While your set up, destroy the cargo."
"Yes, sir" the marine commander replied
He clicked the intercom off and hoped god would forgive him someday.
"Don't stand there gawking we have to get off this hunk of metal."
The crew reluctantly piled out of the small bridge.

Pvt. Andrew D. Jennings picked up his LMG and followed Pvt. Sanders out the door, trying hard not to notice how nice she looked in standard issue body suits overlapped with body armor. Her short cropped blue-dyed hair was a sharp contrast to the dim surroundings of the hallway as they moved to Hangar B.
A private comm opened specifically so only Andrew could hear.
"You know, you can stare at that **** all day, and it still wont reveal itself."
He heard a soft laughter behind him.
Pvt. Greg Tanaka had his LMG slung over his shoulder, like nothing at all was happening. He had always been laid back like that.
"Shut your face Tanaka."
More laughter.
In front of them the Corporal and McGowan, their Demolitions Officer suddenly stopped.
A comm to the whole team opened over there head sets.
Andrew saw Sanders adjusting her earpieces has the Cpl. spoke, she had no helmet.
"This is the bay, lets be cautious, I don't know what kind of things are in there, xenophorms or just some old cargo boxes, we have to look for an unused comm chair." "MOVE OUT!" Corporal Gage Farnworth said as he
slammed a key in the keypad on the wall on the wall, and the doors slid open with a hiss, revealing an eerie green light.

They stepped into the hangar, it was lit up with green fluorescent lights. Boxes were stacked up from one side of the hangar to the next.
"Tanaka, Jennings, you two hit the right side, Sanders and McGowen, you two hit up the left side, I will take middle, move out!" Cpl. Farnworth said as he started walking, LMG at the ready

Andrew found himself taking point,
they were looking for a comm chair....
"Hey check this out!" Tanaka shouted from behind him
Tanaka held up a small anti-person ell trip mine. It was deactivated.

"This was just on the side of the box, sticking out of a crack." Tanaka explained.
"Wonder what it was doing in there?" Andrew mused.
"Who knows? go check the other side see if there is any labels."

Andrew walked around the massive crate.
Movement.
He found he was looking down the iron sights of the LMG into darkness
I swear I saw something.........
hmm....
He continued on just as cautious
Suddenly he heard a choking sound.
He whipped around to head back to Tanaka, an found a skulk at face level. It must have jumped because it crashed into him, slashing and biting, he screamed as it tore into his arm he felt the LMG slip from his bloodied hand.

"GET OFF OF ME!"

Completely ignoring the marines' crazed screams, the skulk tore into its prey, precious red blood splattering on the floor.
Andrew ignored the pain as best he could and concentrated on his combat knife. The body armor was taking the brunt of the blows, but not for long.....
He drove the knife just under the jaw hoping for a throat.
He was in luck, green liquid splattered all over his hands.
He got steadily to his feet, trying to stop the flow. That was when he was aware of the gunfire.
It was everywhere, followed by human screams,and Xenophorms' growls.
His LMG was nowhere to be seen. Maybe if he-
A scream filled his ears.
He ran as best he could to were Tanaka had been, he was nowhere to be found. Blood and bullet casings were everywhere, how had he missed the firing?
Suddenly he heard soft footsteps.
His hand flew down to his sidearm, he drew the pistol to eyesight taking aim....
A bloodied Pvt. Sanders stumbled into view.
"They're you are, holy **** are you okay?" Sanders asked.
"Im okay what about you?" Andrew said, surprised.
"Wasn't Tanaka with you?" She asked
"I-" Andrew felt himself sink to his knees, he was dizzy, and tired, and cold.....
Pvt. Jessica Sanders took two steps and caught Jennings has he stumbled.
He was aware of being dragged into some sort of room heard her mumbling, and heard the doors lock. Then he was on a counter and she was removing his armor. She applied a med pack to his wounds, the nanomachines flowed from the med pack into his body, healing any kind of wounds in seconds flat, but it drained him considerably. Before he passed put he was aware of Sanders welding his suit back together, the horrendously bright light hitting him like the skulk had, he turned over and found reverie in the world of the unconscious.

End of Prt. 1


Thats prt 1 Tell me if there is anything I can do better or if it completely sucks. So yes Feedback would be more then awesome
-Lata NS playhs!
Post edited by Unknown User on

"Give a man a gun and he thinks he's Superman.
Give him two and he thinks he's God."
- Quote from The Killer

Comments

  • BadMouthBadMouth It ceases to be exclusive when you can have a custom member titl Join Date: 2004-05-21 Member: 28815Posts: 1,018Members
    In my opinion, your story is quite confusing. I did not get the first part. You were introducing the situation with Mordock and suddenly, there pvt Dayle is shooting a skulk. I think you need to explain more at that part.

    Another thing is dialogue. I hyope that you will say who said what, instead of letting the reader figure it out course it is confusing.

    e.g.

    "You are dumb," said Mr.X
    or
    "You are dumb," Mr.X said
    or
    Mr.X said, "You are dumb."

    Atmosphere wise... not great. And i suggest that you don't refer to blood as liquids. Just doesn't come off right to me. + can u explain what does UNF stand for? unless you mean the TSA but it is yuor story. If you want it that way, it's fine. In the fan-fic forums, you are at liberty to bend facts.

    Now, the things i like. The dialogue is interesting and funny, if sometimes i dont know who is saying what. Action is fast paced and nicely done. The way you ended the chapter was also great.

    P.S. you might want to get an editor for the typos.
    From the Shadows...
  • OneoftheLostOneoftheLost Join Date: 2005-04-01 Member: 47150Posts: 56Members
    Hey thx! I put it through spell check. And added who is saying what. and the UNF is supposed to be TSA sorry. Ill write more if more people want me to. got a lot of story pent up in this small cranium tounge.gif anyway im out for now i will write more lata give people a chance to read it.
    Lata NS players!

    "Give a man a gun and he thinks he's Superman.
    Give him two and he thinks he's God."
    - Quote from The Killer
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