It came out of nowhere!
Right, a lot of you already know what these are. Basically, it's a collection of some of the funniest things people have written down in the "Describe, in your own words, exactly what happened at the accident" part of the insurance claim form.
A lot of these have already been posted in various places, Jasper Carrot (comedian for those who don't know) has done a lot of these, and i've got them from an old newspaper (august this year).
Anyway, for the benefit of those who haven't seen them:It came out of nowhere...
I had been driving for over 40 years before i fell asleep at the wheel and hit a crash barrier.I thought my garage only had four posts. I hit the fifth one i knew nothing about... I hit the lorry which was parked on the other side of the road coming the other way
I reversed in to my drive late last night and hit a tree i didn't even have. The telephone pole was approaching fast. As i swerved to avoid it i hit an oncoming car Those poor Pedestrians... The pedestrian had no idea which way to run so i hit him
I saw a slow moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the bonnet of my car.The accident happened as i waved to a man i hit last week The bloke was all over the road. It took me a few tries before i finally hit him
The cause of the accident was a little chap with a big mouth.I knocked this man over but he admitted it was his fault as it had happened before I was trying to avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front and the only thing to stop this happening was to hit the pedestrian It was like this...
I couldn't have avoided hitting the lampopost as all i could see were pedestrians - and then they moved out of the way.As i approached the T-junction a Give Way sign appeared that i had never seen before in my life and i was unable to stop in time.As i left work to travel home i drove into a bus that was five minutes early
My car was legally parked when i reversed into the other carAn invisible car came out of nowhere, hit my car, then disappeared into thin airA bull was nearby and a fly must have tickled him or something because the next thing he was goring my car
As i pulled off, i glanced at my mother-in-law and headed straight over the embankment.Ouch, that must hurt!...I drove straight into the shop window and sustained injuries to my wifeI saw thge car in front of me but it didn't see me and even though he'd stopped, we crashed
I was on the way to the doctor with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to hit the treeI told the police officer i wasn't injured, but on removing my hair i found i had a fractured skullI thought my side window was open but it wasn't when i put my head through it
I was knocked out as a result of the accident and taken to hospital where i sustained serious injuries.Oh really...The accident was due to a bend in the road I remember nothing at all after passing out near the Rose and Crown until i came around and saw PC Taylor
The car collided with me without giving any warning whatsoever.I had been shopping all day for plants when suddenly a bush appeared out of nowhere which obscured my vision and caused me to crashA cow wandered into my car. I was informed later that the cow was in fact a half-witWhen all else fails...
The lady who was heading towards me lost her head and then it happened.I consider neither vehicle to blame, but if i had to say who was to blame it was definately the other idiotI can give no details of the accident as i was not paying any attention at the time
I looked for the sign, but the more i looked, the more i couldn't see itThe other car collided with mine without notifying me of it's intentionsI was thrown from my car as it left the road and it was later found by some stray cows
If the other driver could have only stopped a few feet behind himself, the accident would not have happened.To try to avoid the imminent collision with a pick-up truck, i ran into the smallest car i could seeThree women were talking, one stepped to the left, the other to the right, so i had to have accident with one of them
I left my mini metro on the 4th story of the car park and when I returned someone had swapped it for a range roverThe accident was due to an invisible lorry driven by a maniac
I believe if i had lost my head in any way the accident would have been much worseA fly was obscuring my view of the road so i swerved to try to lose it and hit a telegraph pole
There was no damage to the car as the signpost will testify The car in front stopped suddenly and i gently mounted the car and caressed the luggage rackThe other man changed his mind so i had to run over him
Because the car was silver, when it caught the sun it made it seem invisible to my eyesIf the man hadn't narrowly missed me the accident would never have happenedI did not fail to stop at the scene of an accident. I had already told the other driver what i thought of him and went home
We were both reading the information on a signpost when the truck in front slowed down and caused us to hit himThe truck backed up right through my car and into my wife who was in the back seatI hit a bump and my foor jumped on to the accelerator with some force
One minute the road was empty, suddenly there were two or three cars. I panicked.After the accident a complete stranger offered to be a witness in my favour for very littleThere were plenty of onlookers but unfortunatly no witnesses
God.... done at last. Sorry for any mistakes, i had to copy it out. Anyway, i thought some of these were really funny and, being the fantastic guy that i am, i decided to share.
QUOTE(T h e m @ Apr 10 2005, 06:19 AM)
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, elbow to the face.
"It had a very sinister appearance. It had a battery behind it, and wires."
QUOTE(Monkfish @ Jun 30 2008, 03:25)
I just got banned from a "Christian teamwork server" in BF2142 for knifing one of the server clan snipers and proclaiming "you just got darwin'd"